I DARE TO DREAM

Yesterday afternoon a friend walked in on me taking my routine drugs and using my inhaler and for some reason she goes “why do you care for yourself so? Now innocent me who couldn’t understand what was being said to me responded “I don’t get you” she’s like “every other asthmatic person or persons with health conditions I know don’t care for themselves or take their pills like you do” without giving it any thought I responded “I have a dream” lol trust me I’m no martin Luther king but baby I do have a dream. Funny thing is I’ve never thought of it but my dream has always being an anchor when the storms of life is strongly against me and pain seems to come in torrents coming against me and it feels like I’m drowning. My dream has always been that anchor I hold on to with a death grip, when pain overwhelms me and the struggle gets real, I want to live out my dreams so I’ll take care of my body because I need my life to fulfill purpose, until the day God heals me I’ll take all the drugs I’m given not because I like them but because I have a dream and I need strength to live my dream.
 I want to write, not just blog and tell little stories, I want to write, write books that people who go through similar things can find comfort and know they are not alone in whatever it is they are going through, I want to write so everyone knows the about the God who loves me and they too and gave himself for us, I want to write about my love for God, and to write you need to be breathing so each time I feel the pain overwhelmingly my dream comes to mind and it makes me fight for my life. Severally I’ve had attacks and just lay down not trying to help myself out of the crises, tired of the seemingly endless pricks of needles, sometimes my sinuses get infected and the pain seems like I'd die, several times I'd lie on my sick bed and ask God to take me home to be with him and free from the pain However every time this happens I get a firm grip on my dream, my books unwritten and unpublished, stories within yet unshared. This dream gets the power over the pain and yes it gives me strength to fight, I fight for my dream and in the process of fighting for my dream I fight for my life.
 Here’s the thing I’ve learnt; we all should dare to dream regardless. sometimes your dream might be the anchor, the driving force, the wind breath you wings when things get overwhelming and there is seemingly nothing you can do. You dreams hope and aspirations and most of all your purpose could be you anchor. We all need something stronger than the pain to conquer the pain, your dream, your purpose is that something!!
Xoxo
Mish!

BECOMING

Rock bottom is where she’s come from
One careless act by a man, who knew no better,
And her life was turned away,
Years after that came the infirmity
In one fell swoop her health was taken away from her
Her physical strength left
There was no inner strength to tap into
The inner strength had been long gone
The physical had covered
And suddenly she was weak
Asthma wouldn’t allow her catch a breath
Sinusitis would trigger attacks
Her heart’s pain twisted her heart
Until it was like a metal hanger after kids on the streets are done playing with it
And nothing could be done
Routine drugs made her feel like a failure
Frequent check up made her feel defeated
And treatments left her traumatized
Some days she wanted it to be over
She wanted to go and be with Jesus
Far away from the pain
But this God’s princess loves to write
So write was all she did
God had placed so much in this his child
She had to share it all,
So when the pain became too much,
She’ll pray to be fine
When she wasn’t fine;
She’d ask for relief;
Just relief so she could write
So everyone could know about the God
The God who is her father,
Writing was her anchor in the storm
She held on to it with death’s grip
She needed life to write
And there was so much she had to write
So when the pain was too much she simply wrote
And when there was little relief she wrote
And when she was strong she wrote
Writing was her escape
Writing was where she found her strength
Now where is this God’s princess?
She’s miles away from rock bottom
Rebuilding with blocks of forgiveness
Forgiving those who called her frigid when she seemed unlovable;
Pain had tortured her emotions she was only learning to love again.
Forgiving those who didn’t understand and called her unserious
When she had to skip school and all; they had no idea what she was going through.
Forgiving those who walked out on her because she missed dates severally;
They didn’t know how unpredictable her life was
Forgiving those who had no idea why she had to cancel plans;
They didn’t understand she wasn’t just a natural plan stabber
Forgiving those who tagged her snobbish;
They couldn’t understand how pain had slit her throat left her unable to speak
Forgiving the young man who didn’t know any better and molested her;
He didn’t know any better he was a child of perdition
Forgiving the man who promised her cheese balls as a child but gave her his balls instead;
He was confused and tormented, he needed escape
Forgiving those who yelled because she didn’t wear a turtle neck and had an attack:
They have no idea that she doesn’t dictate the fragrance those around her wear
Forgetting that there is a lot she has no control over.
She’s forgiving because she’s growing
Growing today cannot happen with baggage from yesterday
She’s dropping the rots by forgiving
She’s living, learning loving, becoming and waiting
Living the life her God wants her to
Learning the complicated lessons in life
Loving the woman she’s becoming
Becoming everything God planned for his princess to be
And she’s waiting to see what the lord has planned
Because she knows he has good planned

AND TROUBLE CAME

In the beginning was the world
The world was God and the world was God
God looked at the world and it was beautiful
God made it perfect
Then trouble started
Trouble started when we decided to look less to the creator
And look more to the created
Trouble started when as mere men
We thought we could be God
Trouble started when we heard the word of God
But we edited it to suit our purpose
Trouble started when we decide to listen to the wrong voice
When we decided to bite into deception
Trouble started when we stopped walking the path God had mapped out for us
And began walking the path of another individual.
Trouble started when we decide to awaken love
Long before love should be awoken.
Trouble started when we thought we’d won
With the things we ought not to have done
Forgetting there’s time for everything, regrets included.
Trouble started when we started to live our lives
Based on what we saw as opposed to Gods truth.
Trouble started when we started to look at our lives
Through the eyes of other men.
Trouble started when we became ultimate over our lives
As opposed to the supreme one.

I FOUND YAHWEH

I found him,
Not in the expected of places
I found him,
In the piercing innocent eyes of a year old baby.
I found him,
In the gentle troubled gasps of a day old baby struggling for a chance at life.
I found him,
Not sitting in the front pew of a sacred building
I found him,
In the recovery room of the hospital surrounded by mourning relatives and dying patients
I found him,
In the eyes of a 28 year old young man sticking needles up his veins craving relief
I found him,
Not in the eloquent speech of Mr. Preacher man
I found him
In the mumble of words spoken by the uneducated man who sits on the corner of the street
I found him,
Not in the spirit filled prayer of the pastor
I found him,
In the gentle praying arms of grandmother
I found him,
In the little loving gifts of an uneducated grandfather
I found him,
Not on the crusade ground
I found him,
In the danfo bus seated between the thankful unemployed graduate and the smelly fufu seller and her kids
I found him,
Just like the prophet Elijah
I found him,
Not in the earthquake or fire
I found him,
In the gentle whispers
I found him,
In daily seemingly meaningless activities
Screaming with the loudest of whispers!!!!

TWO WORDS

But God!!!
But God,
 Why did a 10 year old boy have to die of cancer?
But God,
Why did I have to suffer unjustly and the wicked go scot free?
But God,
Why did a young woman have to lose her baby even after so many prayers?
But God,
Why didn’t my prayers find any answers?
But God,
Why are there abuse, rape and violence?
But God,
You know I tried?
But God,
Why do I feel all by myself on earth?
But God,
Why is following and trusting you so hard?
But God,
Why do I have to hurt so much?
But God,
Why does love seem so far from me?
But God has given us the power to rise above life’s situation
But God has told us there would be trouble in this world
But God has promised to be with us even then
But God has given us strength to pull laughter when the would expects wailing from us
But God tells us to try again even when we seem to fail
But God never said it would be easy
But God has promised to be with us forever
But God would bear us up when we can’t walk again
But God gives grace
But God is reaching out his hand to us
But God is hoping we'll take his hand, accept his help and stop saying “But God”.
But God said it’s finished and I believe he meant it
But you what do you believe??
Xoxo
Miish love

POETRY

INTRO: in the past few months I had a bit of a shift in my life and somehow I ended up on poetry, now I’m not a poet, but I hope somehow these ramblings make sense to some people, for the next few weeks I’ll be sharing these poems, some short, some long, some deep, some shallow however I hope these poems bless someone.
Here goes the first one;


For every life that gave up hope
For all the love that never came
For every vow that another broke
For every dream that has been crushed
For every bruise seeking cover
For every heart that’s been shattered
For every silence that’s screaming for help
For every pain that threatens to suffocate us
For everyday that’s hard to live
For every heart trying to love again
For every hurt that’s craving relief
I know something that works
I know that nothing shattered, broken, crushed, hurting brought before the king ever returns the same
I know in him the broken, disconnected, disjointed pieces of life, people and things get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmony.
Xoxo
Mishlove

I HAVE NO TITLE

     Just today I read Tito idakalu’s piece titled “the test before the testimony” where she shared the testimony on the loss of her first child, half way through the piece I started weeping (I mean real weeping, like wailing and screaming) the diagnosis on the condition of her baby took my breath away, by the time I was done reading the whole piece, the couch couldn’t contain me again I was flat on the floor, weeping, thanking God that I still had life in me, and appreciating him for all I never thanked him for the past few years.
     Now anyone who is conversant with this blog knows I suffer from a range of health conditions, first I deal with sinusitis and then I also battle asthma, these conditions seem light initially until I realized the severity, the year the diagnosis came I was immediately booked for a surgery, however even after 5 head surgeries the conditions are still there. A couple months ago I was suspended from school for attending a church service outside the school and I guess that about crowned it up for me, I knew God wasn’t faithful, and God didn’t love me, I returned home totally shattered and with a resolve never to step foot in church again and yes I have sort of kept to that, I’ve attended roughly 4 church services in the last three months, and I attended because I was forced to (I still live with my father), I’d stopped my word study and prayer has been on a different level and my flesh game has been pretty strong, oh and blogging about the faithfulness of God also got boring so I left it too.
    However after reading the testimony by Tito I was crushed, I could help but be encouraged once again, things may not even look like I want them to be, things may not happen like I think or expect them to, but God knows best, my life is in his hand, and if I have to hurt I can be sure that there is a balm in Gilead that would heal me of every hurt and wound. I know the year I have to spend at home would change me, I believe at the end of the suspension I would have become more than I could have been even in school, I have plans to start a fashion line within this year and I’m working on it, I have plans in motion for my first book too, and I was going to wait until I the day I launch my fashion line to declare that God is good, I was going to wait until I launched a book before saying my God reigns, but today all that changed, weather the fig blooms or not, God is good, weather I have to be in the hospital every month God is great, it doesn’t matter that I have to take routine pills daily God is awesome, I have life therefore I have hope, I believe in God, I believe in his word he says his plans for me are good I hold on to that bit of truth, he promised that all things are coming together for my good and yes I know they are. Its not exactly easy to say this but it is totally true. Do I wish thing were different and I was healthy and everything was okay with me? Yes I honestly do… but then I know his ways are not mine so I choose to rest in him, if the way with Christ is rough and would bruise me I choose it, because I know when I can’t walk again he’ll carry me to the end, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I believe in that light. With all my heart I scream with the loudest of whispers, I serve a God who’s awesome, I serve a God who has given me dreams even in the midst of my dark days, I know there is light, I may not see it but he does, so I’ll walk with him.
Love
Busayo

MOVE ON

Hello and a beautiful day to everyone pardon my long absence from the blog, hopefully starting today I’ll be more frequent here, hope everyone has been doing well, I’m doing as good as I can, a million thanks to everyone who’s checked up on me since I’ve been away.
I attended Baptist high school Abuja during my junior school year, once every month we would attend service at first Baptist church Garki, and usually at the beginning of the year there’s usually a scripture the church would pick and use as the theme scripture for the year and it would be composed into a song, I can’t exactly remember the year now but the scripture for that year was Exodus 14:15,
   
Ex 14:15
15 The Lord said to Moses, "Why do you cry out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.
Last night I was reminded of the scripture as it relates to my situation, many times we make mistakes, we make wrong choices, we fail and all and we feel so terrible about it, we run we fall on our knees we cry out to God for mercy, but sometimes we overly spend time crying and mourning poor choices but that’s not what God calls us to do, we’re called to move on, we’re called to rise and make new moves, God forgives us, he’s not expecting us to sit down and cry out and morn our poor choices forever, he’s calling us to stop crying, to stop mourning our wrong choices, to get up from where we have spent our time crying and like he said MOVE ON!
Xoxo
Miss Kehinde

FATHERS DAY

Hello blogville, it’s been so long I’ve been here a lot has been going on with me but that really isn’t an excuse tho, I’ve been away because I was sad, now the issue wasn’t that I was sad it’s that when you’re sad it rubs off on everything you do if you are not careful and that was what happened with me, I did write a few things but they all had a tinge of sadness and I couldn’t do that to you, when I started blogging I could come up and say anything I felt and be fine, but sometime along the line I let God be the head of this blog and it’s kind of a ministry now although I share my personal experiences I use them to teach and not to depress people further so much as I wanted to come here and be pitiful I had to do otherwise.
   Now to what I have for today, yesterday was father’s day and I felt so  much love for every father figure in my life and I couldn’t help it, but then I went online twitter and I saw some loving and some totally hating their fathers and I hurt for them but I also hurt for these fathers, some were mad because their fathers were absent and this I have to say, honestly I don’t exactly  know how you feel   but then when we were younger dad used to stay in Abuja while myself and my mom and sister stayed at Lagos and it wasn’t any fun at all we saw so little of him, now when I think of it he didn’t move to Abuja because he hated us or wanted to be away from us, he did so because it was the best he felt he could do at the time although sometimes I think we could have found other ways to stay together aside his leaving for Abuja but anyway it’s all good now. Why am I sharing this? It’s sad that some men couldn’t take or face their responsibilities and choose to run off but then I believe it looked like the best thing they could do at that moment. So yes they are wrong but we should forgive them, I bet they could never have been happy running off……… forgiveness is the only gift you can give to them.
      Furthermore some people are angry about the way they were raised and stuff their fathers gave or didn’t give them and that’s fine, I used to feel that way too before until I spoke with my dad once and when he was done I realize parents honestly are lovers, so for the most part of my growing years I was always forced to attend church, missing church wasn’t an option and I always wondered why, but when I said it to dad he was hurt and explained to me that when he was a child his dad was a smoker and an unbeliever and somehow it had an effect on everyone of his children but when dad got older and got know Christ he honestly started to wish he’d known Christ early and so all he was doing was trying to give us that which he never got from his father. Listening to him say that hurt me because that exactly is what we all want to do, we want to be better parents than ours innit?... sometimes when our parents seemingly push us it’s all in a bid to give us the life they wished they’d had, the life the would have loved to have but couldn’t, its why some parents be pushing you to get a masters degree, to chase a PhD when all you want to do is become a make-up artist lol, its why they be pushing you to study law, engineering or medicine when you want to study Yoruba education lol, it’s not hate it’s out of love and while this love may not sit well with you, it’s pure love. Can’t you see someone wants to give you all they never had? For this reason you should love them, you should forgive them, maybe the love wasn’t done right it was done with the purest of intentions. For this such fathers deserve love.
Those who were raped by fathers and step fathers, I can’t say I even understand but this I have done; I’ve sent prayer to heaven for you all, that God would comfort you and heal the hurt and help you forgive and wrap his love around you. Amen
Love always
Busayo kehinde
Always a mail away busayokehinde81@gmail.com

ALL I KNOW

I do not understand so much
If anything I do not understand anything at all
But these I do understand
I understand that life can hurt
I understand that pain demands to be felt
I understand that pain can seemingly kill
I understand that people would hurt me
I understand that we would struggle to love
I understand that we would struggle to care
I understand that it’s always easier to hate
I understand that hate doesn’t rule the world
I understand that love rules
I understand how much living can injure us
I understand how much we can cover these injuries
I understand how covered injuries rot so much they smell
I understand how much this smell can affect all those we come across
I understand what it means to be addicted
I understand the struggle to break addiction
I understand how a bad habit can become home
I understand how memories can become our safe haven
I understand how love can hurt
I understand what insecurity feels like
I understand the struggle to be free
I understand identity crisis
I understand how hard it is to let go of wrong choices
I understand how hard it is to leave wrong relationships
I understand how much we want “more”
I understand how the more we long for isn’t always the more we need
I understand depression
I understand what longing feels like
I understand that sometimes all we want to say is exactly what we cant
I understand that the heart is a muscle
I understand that muscles only exercise the y do not break
I understand that there is no such thing as heart break
I understand that my heart can be stretched
I understand that the heart is the size of a fist
I understand that love can feel like blows
I understand that living is hard
I understand that life can hurt day in day out
I know it is okay to cry
I know it is okay to be confused
But I know it’s not okay to quit
I know to start over as many times as I fail
I know that I am never by myself
I understand that God is supreme
I understand that there is no heart God cannot heal
I understand that there is no hurt God cannot fix
I understand that there is no pain God cannot heal
I understand that there is no struggle God lets you fight alone
And most of all……..
I understand, I know and I’m a hundred percent sure that
In this life I’m never really alone Jesus is always there
Even in the midst of the greatest hardships

ROCK BOTTOM

      The world has unraveled before me, my dreams all feel like light weight matter before me, all around me I see ash and smoke, I see all of my prayers request stare back at me, the days I never thought I’d ever see has come and gone, I’m living in the pain and hurt of it all, I’m looking around for those old friendships and love I’d built over the years but I can’t see them, I look out for the numbers I’d dial non-stop if they had trouble and I knew but I do not see them, I’m at a threshold of pain I never even knew existed. I’m at rock bottom.
     But not to fear, rock bottom is the perfect place of rebuilding, it’s the perfect place to start all over again, it’s the perfect place for healing, rock bottom is perfect in so many ways, so yes I may be bent and may have responded to the waging winds in ways like everyone else but one thing stands even at rock bottom nothing is broken, nothing is damaged or destroyed and my scars? My scars are a badge of honor, honor that at even at rock bottom I didn’t break. Yes I bruised but I didn’t break. Every step I take even at rock bottom is a victory dance in the making, my heart isn’t broken because my heart is only a muscle and muscles don’t break in the end as my heart fell to rock bottom the muscle was exercised and its stronger than it was before I fell, and this piece is a testimony waiting to be shared that even at the lowest the one thing I love to do wasn’t taken away from me “MY EXPRESSIONS”. in the end I have come to realize that ii was made for this kind of heavy lifting, I was made for the heavy lifting of building from rock bottom again, my heart was made in two parts; one part saint, one part warrior. And I am not ashamed that I’ve fallen to rock bottom because the warrior in me would build and my rock top would “outstand” the ones that already exist and this I know well and good.

Ps: this title Is inspired by one of the episodes of the series Gidi up and the piece inspires by a spoken work piece performed by Titi Sonuga (EKI) although I wrote it in my own way listening to her helped me build this up and sort through my feelings.
 

PRAY FOR YOU

   It’s been so long and I’m totally sorry about that I’ve been through a bit of a rough time lately and its I didn’t even have so much time to come by, but enough of my excuses, hope you all are doing great? May God keep us all and cause his face to shine upon us always.
  Everyone of us at some point or even up till now have those individuals in our lives that we feel are more spiritual than we are, or for some reason we think God listens to them more than he does us so when things are tough for us or when we have a little problem we run to them to have them pray for us, we call them and tell them all that is wrong with us and leave it at that, I had no idea how wrong this was until I got some insight to this it’s not wrong to have someone pray with you its silly to have people pray for you. Now here’s the twist people praying for you is someone praying for you while you do nothing for you, while someone praying with you is someone praying for you while you also pray for yourself, I mean just look at it; why should I go to the created to pray for me when I can simply go to the CREATOR of the created to fix me? Why do I ask humans to go to war (pray) for me when I can call on the almighty to go to war for me? I don’t know about you but I find that silly.
   Just yesterday I looked up the story of David and Bathsheba; if you go through the book of 2 Sam 11 in verse 1 you’ll realize that it was time when kings go to war but David sent Joab to go to war for him and while he stayed home he strolled and Bathsheba happened!!!! Now many time when we do not go to war ourselves and send out people we could fall into error easily not because we are weak but because we would be at the wrong place at that time, when we do not pray for ourselves by ourselves there is the possibility to spend the time that should have be spent praying on things that would ultimately cause us more trouble.
I don’t really have much to say but I have this to say; the reason you feel God listens to some people is because they have built their relationship with him to that level, you can do that too. If you love someone you spend time with them, you talk with them, you sometimes spend your money on them, that’s how it works with God too, stay with him, love grows with knowledge (read his word and learn of him), give to God many people don’t like this point we want to have God without giving to the lord (like you can go to silver bird with a babe you’re toasting and not buy pop corn). And it’s about time we stop having people fast for us while we sit in KFC and order Jollof rice and roasted chicken, it’s time we started to battle on our own.

CHEERS TO 19

My dearest me,
                         Where has the years gone? Hunnie this is honestly the only question that rings in my mind each time I’m drawn to the fact that in a few days you’ll be 19. I’m amazed at how many years have gone by and they seem like only a few years.
       Has it really been about 13 years ago since that afternoon that forever killed a part of you; has it really being that long you got caught up not knowing who you are and what you were created for and so you lived like it didn’t matter? Has it really been that long ago you turned away from the God who loved you and gave himself for you all because you wanted to fit in; you rebelled but even in your rebellion you never did fit in, you never actually fit in and would never because you are not created to fit in, you are meant to stand out you weren’t created with the normal mould the king formed you himself, so even in the midst of rebels you found a way to stand out. Has it been all that long you turned to addictions because you were lonely?
      Wasn’t it only a few weeks ago you took ill and nearly lost your life? oh it’s been almost four years ago already, where are the years gone? Five surgeries no improvement, depression and pain...
       It’s already a year ago since you decide to put your heart up and fall in love thinking HE was THE ONE, only to realize he wasn’t and then you went into depression, eating addiction and then fear of loneliness and then gradually you came to realize you’ve never been and would never be alone; only your life would be marked by a certain solitude that may leave you feeling set apart; but hunnie you’re set apart; set apart by God for his own glory.
       It’s almost two years since you started pouring your pain into your writing and sharing with all who need to know that they were never alone. Talk about good coming out of a bad situation it’s in the blog, it’s in the lives touched, the hearts healed the lessons learned and the new friendships formed. When people say you inspire them I smile knowing you inspire me too always.
      It’s amazing how the years has gone by, 18 years and it’s amazing the lady you’ve become and the woman you’re gradually turning into, the very weakness and pain in your life that made you feel disadvantaged have become your greatest assets because in your weakness has God imputed his mighty strength that none should boast, its beautiful how you've come to love and crave Jesus...
     I’m so proud of you and who you’ve become and who you’re becoming; I thank God each day for the opportunity to be you. You’re a blessing and your life is a testimony of God’s grace, love and mercy and how he picks nothingness and makes into something great... I couldn’t and wouldn’t even want to be anyone else but you. Here’s a cheers to 18 years behind and a cheers to a new year. Happy birthday my number one woman crush everyday! I love you forever. Blessings.
                                                                                                                                Packed with love,
                                                                                                                                 Busayo kehinde(ME)
NOTE: By Saturday the 25th April, my 18th year would be officially behind me and my 19th year would officially begin, this letter is my own way of celebrating myself however I’m sharing it because in it lies answers to question some of you have in your heart. I hope the letter blesses you and if you’re not into this you should totally begin to celebrate yourself because there is no human that can do it better for you. Oh and from Saturday according to my friends I’m officially ripe for marriage.. lol uhm I’m accepting applications now (yinmu na play o)…..
Love
Busayo Kehinde

MY LATEST FAVOURITE

Hurry up and come back,
Was the last thing she said to her son
The day his life was taken
She didn’t know he wouldn’t come back
He died from the bullet of a gun
And now her baby’s gone
She said help me
Lord help me
And when she looked up to the sky
She heard a voice reply
“When you cry I cry
I cry along with you.
When you smile I smile
I smile along with you……”
This song is one I learnt way back from junior school, I used to be in the choir at the time, and we sang this song but not once did it ever minister to me the way it did recently. I was having one of those moments when I was reflecting on life when from my spirit I heard the words of Matthew 27:46 which was followed by John 11:35, in Matthew 27:46 Jesus cried out to the father on the cross he said “father why has thou forsaken me” don’t you feel forsaken by God most times I mean days you sit and its like God has totally turned his back on you, day you look at the sun and it doesn’t even seem to be shining and it looks like God is too busy, it looks like you’re forsaken let the hope lie in the fact that Jesus felt same way too, sometimes things get so hurtful and you just want to weep please feel free to weep Jesus himself wept, but in the midst of all these feelings remember that even after Jesus screamed out because he felt forsaken the father came through for him… let this cause joy in your heart “we have a high priest who is not out of touch with our reality” and not matter how forsaken you feel no matter how you’ve felt forsaken and possibly screamed our your heart to the father know that just as he came through for Jesus he’ll come through for you… he felt it that when you feel it you’ll gain strength knowing you’re not alone, never have you and never would you be alone because when you cry he cries along with you.
Packed with Love
Busayo

MY ENCOUNTER WITH DEPRESSION

 
     Hey happy Friday y’all it’s been a long week for me, I hope y’all enjoyed your week, I pray you have the most amazing weekend beginning today. I started off a little sharing on depression, my experience and winning today I’m sharing my second lesson on depression.
LESSON 2:
    Depression often comes from lies, depression sometimes is simply as a result of dishonesty, the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we tell against others, and the times we aren’t honest with God. Some of us lie to ourselves simply by telling ourselves the wrong we do isn’t really wrong, but more than that is the lies we tell ourselves about others and about God. I’ll explain better; Once someone said something to me now I interpreted his word in my own way and acted based on what I told myself he was saying, when things became really hard on me and I knew I was slipping into a terrible state of depression and I couldn’t even say why, I started to blame it on him for what he said, I told myself “it was because he said this, I acted this way and now I’m depressed, it’s all his fault, I hate him, I wish I’d never met him and all”.  But when I sat and thought it all over, from the first time he never said all I had been saying he said, maybe he said something but not what I’m saying he said. On another note some of us tell ourselves lies about God, we all know that sin has a way of stealing our Joy and bringing about depression, now some of us sin and then quote Romans 6:1 and interpret it to ourselves that Grace cannot abound for us anymore so we continue in our sin anyway much as we know the truth for some reason we just keep up with our sin and lie against God to have someone to blame when things come tumbling against us.. Dishonesty fuels depression in so many ways.. Until we get honest we may never overcome depression, first we have to be honest with God let him know you’re sorry for living a fake life/ a deceit filled life, second we need to be honest with ourselves; we need to let the truth breakdown the walls our lies have built, we need to honestly own our actions and stop trying to get a convenient scapegoat to blame for our actions… if you want to muse as y’all know I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com
LOVE
BUSAYO

ALL FOR ME

    Hello trust you all are doing considerably well, I started a series on depression last week and I’ll be rounding it up this week, but today I’ll be writing on something else tho… hope someone is able to pick up a lesson or two from it.
   My bible study this month has been one of the most interesting ones for me, I’m presently on the book of exodus, I’ve seen (lol yeah I actually see the characters) the children of Israel see the hand of God move mightily in their midst yet time and again, they get to points and they believe Egypt was better for them, much as they were in bondage in Egypt much as they suffered they still had times when Egypt seemed better.
      Let’s bring it to our Christian lives today, has anyone ever felt like their life outside God was much better? I don’t know about you but I have those days, there are some days I want to do stuff but then I remember I’m a Christian and I cannot so I stop but silly at it seems it annoys me when that happens, for instance on days when I have to battle with my demons (sin) and I feel like I may even die if I do not sin but I love the lord too much to sin so I struggle I force myself to sleep even if I don’t want to, I may even decide to start working just to keep my mind of the sin that keeps calling me back, honestly on such days I feel like before I came into Christ I was better because then it wasn’t a struggle sin was a way of life and I always drowned the guilt in more sin I barely had time to feel guilty and all. On days like this I start to think life outside Christ was better, for someone else it’s when you’re broke you start to think so, I mean before you were saved you had many men in your life who’ll have sex with you and answer to your every need and now you can’t do that again and now cash is tight..
     I used to wonder why I felt so, I always looked at the children of Israel as ingrates until lately I got fresh understanding, we don’t feel that way because we’re ingrates, we do that because we don’t really understand things; we sometimes feel like God is just using us to bring glory to himself and he doesn’t really care about us and that’s why we feel that way. Until we come to a point of understanding that everything God does is for the good to us, we would always look out, I’ve had to take some time to understand that God loves means that everything he says is for my good, he saved me not for his own good but for my own gain, he gave his son for me not so I’ll thank him but because he cares for me too much to leave me under the curse of the law. That is what happened with the Israelites they had no understanding of the fact that they were saved for themselves, they possibly felt they were saved for Moses or something like that. If we understand this even when things are wrong or when we have to struggle we’ll fight knowing that it’s all for our good and not for the Kings gain. Now I know I don’t resist temptation for Gods good I resist for my own benefit.
Love
Busayo

MISH'S THOUGHTS

       I’ve written on faith and being personal I’ve shared on how I left my inhaler at the altar hoping for healing and came down with an attack that almost claimed my life a few hours after dropping my inhaler. I’m always amazed when people say its lack of faith that makes me keep an inhaler in my purse but not just that, it’s funny how people get all preachy with me when they find out I’m asthmatic, It’s a struggle to keep mute and listen to them and not scream out at them “I’m a Christian, maybe I have a condition but it’s not my portion”.
        Last year I had the most embarrassing experience, I had attacks twice in a row back to back and there was this particular guy who happened to see me every time I was admitted, a few weeks later I was discharged I met this guy somewhere and he was with company oh well I stopped by to say hello, while I was with him he teased a little about my health and the person with him heard and like that ohh myyyyyyyy things just got spiritual, I had to stand there and take sermon about how he hasn’t been ill before how I didn’t have faith, plenty things about drugs and all….. Time and again in the little time I’ve spent with my health condition I’ve tried to get people to understand this, taking drugs, sticking to certain guidelines doesn’t mean you don’t have faith, in some ways deciding to take pills shows you have faith enough to put up a fight against whatever infirmity that tries to take a hold of you and wait to see what the lord has planned. Don’t get me wrong I believe in divine healing, and I know it is possible to be healed without drugs, but has it ever occurred to you that God has plans for us, good plans to be precise, but the plans he has for us is individual, even though he refers to us as one, meaning someone else getting healed without drugs doesn’t mean it’s going to be same for others, until we understand this, until we consult the lord and know his plans for us we’ll just spend our lives trying to fit into Gods plans for others.. What am I saying in essence? if you have issues, maybe health troubles, maybe you’re battling depression whatever it is, don’t even allow anyone make you feel any less of a Christian for seeking professional help. I like to believe doctors in some ways are an answer to our prayers. I know God is the healer however I also know he uses doctors too. If I’ll be honest I’d love it if I’m healed just by God but then again if he desires I go through the doctors I know he’s got me, I know his plans for me are good so I have no fear. People think Christians shouldn’t battle hard times or dark times and if they come its lack of faith, sin or inadequate prayers that’s the cause.. I wonder how may Christians are battling little issue that simple medications, simple dietry adjustment can handle or the number who have died without reasons.
The main issue we need to understand is this; our faith can help us through the valley, but it doesn’t always give us a way around the valley.. Sometimes in addition to faith action is needed.
Love
Busayo

ON DEPRESSION AND ME 1

Oh I know I’m by far the laziest blogger y’all know, thanks for sticking with me anyway. If you or someone you know is battling depression this post id for you, its not actually a remedy some depression may be due to chemical imbalance in the body and drugs are needed for that. Let me quickly say here that even a Christian can be depressed and need  drugs its not a sin nor because you don’t pray enough don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re a Christian and you are depressed (this is a topic for another day)…..
LESSON 1
Depression often starts wits distraction, Distraction is when we take our eyes off Jesus and allow ourselves to lead as opposed to Christ leading….. I battled depression because I awoke love too early in my life but I didn’t just awake love like that I first got distracted from God and started looking to the person I claimed to love and because my eyes were focused on him I couldn’t see clearly, I stopped listening to the holy spirit’s prompt and started following the prompting of self, the spirit warned me through scriptures and even people, but self was too stubborn to heed. Now when self leads there is only so much you can achieve  and when you try to get all you want in the flesh and you can’t seem to achieve all you want discouragement sets in; when I tried all I could to get the love I so wanted and I couldn’t I became very discouraged and a little insecure. With discouragement already in the system depression isn’t farfetched. As soon as I became discouraged if I had talked about it or not try to cover it with solitary addiction like food maybe I wouldn’t have gotten depressed, from discouragement we finally crawl into our shell, avoid people and all, and that is the point of depression…
Note please that not everyone gets into depression this way, in my next post I’ll share another way I fell into depression, now if you’re battling depression or even discouragement check your life, is your eyes on God are you still being led by the spirit of God, if you see where you missed it run back to Jesus, let him heal you and help you. In the meantime if you want to share or need a muse I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com or 08038044814.
Love and prayers
Busayo Kehinde

HAPPY APRIL

      Hey everyone it’s a new month and one I’m particularly excited about, yes anyone who knows me well knows my birthday is this month, well come 25th April I’ll be turning 19 *dancing* yeeeeyyyyyyyyy. And for some reason I’m excited I hope this birthday would be different, oh and something else I decided this month to start volunteering *winks* lol many of you may not know why however those who follow me on twitter know this too well so if you have any event in Abuja and are in need of a volunteer I’m open and available biko contact me busayokehinde81@gmail.com ………
        Oh well sometime last month I struggled with continuing this blog or letting go of it, here’s why I had a little bit of trouble and it was like all I had spent all my life believing was a lie and I had already shared so much of all I had learnt on here so I was contemplating deleting the blog but I didn’t. after coming through depression recently I’ve decide to spend the next few post writing on depression and all I’ve learnt, now please note that this is not to replace professional counseling it’s just so you can actually evaluate things and get someone to talk things through.
        Oh well starting tomorrow I’ll be writing on depression, today Meshel is wishing you the best of the new month, more grace, more Joy, extraordinary peace and God’s protection. I ask that God would keep and lead you through this month and beyond and oh may his purpose for your life never be lost. Amen.
Love always
Busayo Kehinde

TOO FAR

Honestly today I’m typing by faith because I have nothing in my mind to put up here.. in the past week I had an experience that almost knocked the wind out of me, I’ve had to wrestle with God, I’ve doubted his word, I’ve judged people, I’ve looked at God and almost said I could do all I want on my own, but I couldn’t, and I kept wondering why, why couldn’t I just turn my back on God, why couldn’t I say God was unkind, why???? Honestly I don’t have a perfect answer except this “some of us have come too far to turn back on God, it’s not about what he has done or what he hasn’t, it’s not about what you have or what you don’t have, it’s not about what you see or what you don’t see, some of us have come too far to ever go back”
  It’s crazy, even Judas a disciple would turn his back so what makes me unable to turn my back on Jesus? Well; it’s the same thing that made Judas commit suicide, by faith I have a heart that cannot do without Jesus, it’s not about me anymore I’ve come too far to turn my back on my King.
In the meantime remember this “life would hurt day in day out, it would be a struggle to keep the faith and wait to see what the lord has planned…. But what other option is there but to die, for to have no hope is to die, I choose life, I choose to believe Gods word, I choose to believe in his presence and his promises, I choose to wait and see what the lord has planned”
Mish loves you all and always has a prayer said to heaven for y’all, thanks to everyone who took time to check up on me while I was away sorting out things, I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com or bbm 55f5954a
Love
Busayo k

FOR ALL THE LOVE THAT NEVER CAME

This isn’t a typical post of mine but it’s one for the time, I dedicate this to the lost, the broken, the suicidal, and the crushed spirits, the ones who gave out love and expected same but never got the love they craved. For the love that never came, the vow someone broke, the heart that is shattered the life that has given up hope, I want you to know I’m thinking of you in this season while I go through a very challenging time emotionally and I think it so I’ll know how you feel, I’ve wanted to self harm the past few weeks and now I understand how people feel when they do that……… I want you to know that I care; I’ll be sending prayers to heaven for you….. I want you to know the most high is thinking of you and that’s why he has me do this so you’ll know you’re not alone in this…… if you need someone to share with, talk to, if you need a muse I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com
Love
Busayo

LET GO 2

       Hello lovelies, I hope every one of you is doing well. Oh before I dive into today’s post I’ll like to tell you all about something I put myself up to, I recently joined the project Life guard on twitter, it’s a sort of help for people who are maybe depressed, discouraged, disappointed and the likes, or just those who feel like talking to somebody…. I spend time praying for them and then I ask God to lead the right people to me and I’ve been blessed by doing it……. I hear a lot of people say most of these struggles are “oyinbo” people’s problems well it’s not there’s so many black people who battle it and it’s such a joy applying all I’ve learnt through my life to reach out to others……… so you want to talk I’m just a mail away busayokehinde81@gmail.com , or join me on twitter @miss_kehinde and facebook Kehinde Busayo or follow on Instagram @miss_kehinde. Choose your pick I’m always available.
Oya back to the matter……. Let go! Last week I wrote a piece titled let go, there I wrote at length about letting go of people who have hurt you, messed with you and people who have generally caused you to make wrong generalization about life. Well I read through the post again and I realized I didn’t write something I should have and rater than just edit that post I decided to do another post, because a few people who have read the first one may not get to read it again and the message would be lost. Well what did I omit? I omitted the aspect of letting go of you. Yes letting go of you, some of you have possibly done very wrong things in the past and maybe years after its ruined stuff for you, you’re mad at yourself, you won’t forgive yourself because you are the cause of all that is going wrong in your life now. I keep saying this to as many people as I meet, it may have turned out to be a mistake but at the time it looked like it was the best you could do, please give yourself a margin of error you’ll make mistakes but you’ll learn from them, there is no such thing as expertise in life, we grow every day,  we learn daily, so yes maybe you did something that has brought calamity upon you well, you can’t undo your error, you can learn from it, some of us carry baggage name “YOU” let go of yourself, forgive yourself, you don’t have to punish yourself; yes some people punish themselves, deny themselves good friendships and relationships because they see themselves as evil, don’t label yourself there is nothing wrong with you. You’ve made the mistake the repercussion has come, you’ve learnt from it, you’ll do better next time, hug yourself and tell yourself “I’ll do better next time”….. Some of you are still mad at yourself today forgive yourself, love yourself…. Let go of yourself and let God work through that self.
Love
Busayo Kehinde
Always remember I’m always a message away………….. busayokehinde81@gmail.com

CONFRONT IT

At some point last year I started to put on too much weight, now weight gain in some sense may be a good sign, but in my own case it wasn’t, it got so bad that if I smiled you probably won’t be able to see my eyes, now  Yoruba women like my mom and her friends were very happy about it, they’ll pass comments like ahan I never knew you could even be this fat you look so fine oh” since very few people complained I kept up with what was making me so fat.
         Now here’s why I was putting on so much weight; I had a little bit of a situation, it wasn’t a naturally big problem but it was a very awkward and uncomfortable one for someone like me, I wouldn’t say what the problem was but I can say it was very minor and if I wasn’t so chicken it wouldn’t have cost me so much to confront it but I was too chicken so I had to work to forget the issue, I tried several things to get it out of my mind but I couldn’t seem to, until one night I tasted heaven, my “demon” (problem) crossed my mind again and while it was  trying to haunt me I got up and ate chocolate and biscuit and for the first time in a while I wasn’t thinking about my problem I was in ecstasy eating my chocolate and biscuit and by the time I was done eating that I was too tired so I drifted off to sleep, I had discovered a way to run from my problem, so whenever my demon arose I’ll eat, but the problem is the “demons” seemed more active at night so every night I’ll eat not less than 6 packs of biscuit and chocolate so I won’t have to face my “demons” I continued this way until one day; my dad decided to visit me at school he couldn’t hide his shock about how fat I had become, before he left he said;  “you had better find something to do about that fat swollen face oh, you don’t even know how you look”!! I almost cried. I told my friend about my fat situation and she told me that eating at night caused people to get fat, so I decided not to eat but to take sleeping pills at night. The first night was a total disaster, I couldn’t sleep I needed food. I grown from using food to cover my fracture to being addicted to mid night eating, I had to get up and eat, but I avoided anything really fattening, I just ate crackers and took orange juice.
    In the end I had three things to deal with first my main issue, second my fat and third my mid night snacking, funny enough I actually got over my main problem more easily than I got over the other two, It took me most of last year and very little into this year to get over my mid night snacking (honestly I still fall into that temptation once in a while) and my weight is a lot more stable now. This is what happens when we decide to keep running or hiding when we are faced with tough situations most times we end up with some solitary addictions, food, porn, drugs, sometimes we even keep so busy we don’t even have time to even know ourselves, and sometimes we just get so frigid we keep even those closest to us out of our lives.. It’s time to stop running away from issues that are hard and uncomfortable. It’s time to confront issues in your life.
Love always
Busayo Kehinde

LET GO!!!!!!

   Before now I was always quick to drop statements like “I have trust issues” or “I’m good in short term relationships” here’s why; at some point in my life someone I had trusted hurt me so I naturally decided not to trust again, I used to say I was meant for only short term relationships because every time I wanted long term we ended up splitting now when I talk of relationships I’m not just talking dating relationships of any kind, friendship et all even family I thought I was going to be with my family everyday forever, but fast forward to JS 1 I became a boarder; yet again another long-term relationship destroyed, I made friends in Junior school friends I hoped to keep forever but 3 years after I changed schools again yet another long term relationship ruined. So I taught myself I was only meant for short term relationships.
     It took me a while to realize something, those are not my default setting, I’m not meant for only short term relationships and I don’t have trust issues, the problem I hadn’t let go of those who betrayed my trust or those who left me after a short while even though I wanted them in my life, and because I hadn’t let go of them I still held on to bitterness towards them so I couldn’t see anything clearly I could only see through the eyes of the bitterness I felt and trust me bitterness clogs vision and so you look at the people in your life now and you can’t see them all you’ll see instead are the faces of the ones who have hurt you, being angry at people does that much to you and you don’t need that, you need to let go of those who have hurt you, maybe someone you loved hurt you, you have to let go, they didn’t hurt you because of you they didn’t know any better they were trying to figure life out just like you were, this life is that complicated and we all are just trying learning we’re not taught how to live before we start living we learn to live while we live and there is no guarantee that no one would bump into your living in their quest to figure out life,  but you have to let go, you need to drop the baggage you of hurt you have to let go the longer you hold on to hurt the more people you would unintentionally hurt, the more wonderful relationships you’ll miss out on, and you’ll be depriving the world of YOU, you are a total package of awesomeness, you’re the best you give life to the day, you give substance to light, you’re brightness. It doesn’t matter who’s done you bad let go!! Don’t deprive the world, don’t deprive your generation, and don’t deprive yourself of the greatness that is YOU!!!! LET GO!
LOVE ALWAYS
BUSAYO KEHINDE
N.B: I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com and pls do leave a comment, your comments are like a silver lining to my sky, and it always runs to my creative bloc to rack it for more amazing write ups lol…….. smiles :D

WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE

Dear ladies; Think like a man, end up without one………………..
_@realtalkkim
       Almost everywhere I look it’s the same thing, whether it’s the movies that keep depicting how women ought to act like men to survive on earth or the books or magazines teaching us to be men the idea is same.
       I know for a long time we ladies have been thought to act like men so no man would ride on you. Well its about time we got out of that place, that idea that you had to be a man to be treated right by a man. No man intends to end up with as fellow man for crying out loud. I’m a woman and not a man, God didn’t make any mistake by making me a woman, if he wanted me to think like a man he would have made me a man in the first place, my God isn’t the maker of chinko products, he doesn’t make a Nokia phone with a Tecno battery (lol) he makes and places the right and original things in you, therefore he won’t create you as a woman and put the mind of a man in you, he simply gives you the strength to be a woman, so the idea of trying to think like a man should not even be embraced,  the truth is there is no such thing as a life better than the one God has given me, if he has made me a woman all I need do is make the best out my feminity. Men see things way differently from women and that is the reason we need each other because our different thoughts makes for a better understanding of a particular issue, now if we both see one thing the same way what is the point of our difference in gender, no man wants to be married to another man if he wanted to marry a man homosexuality is finding some popularity these days he’ll simply go for that, if a man would marry a woman it’s because he needs a woman.
       I consider it futile to spend your time learning how to think like a man when you already have the mind of a woman. Why not spend time growing your feminine mind making the best of what is already yours and not coveting what isn’t and shouldn’t be yours? We gotta get out of that mindset that compels us to try thinking like men. I meant being female is not synonymous to being weak.
       While thinking like a man is annoying the frustrating one is trying to act like them, I can’t work like a man, I’m no man, until the day men start to bleed for five days, go through PMS, have cramps, deal with every female disorder e.t.c,  me I would not be caught acting like a man, our physical make up is even different so why would I stress myself and act like him when I can simply embrace my feminity, sit with a cup of strawberry tea, smile and say “well-done” to the man while he’s being the man. According to my friend the more feminine you are the more you bring out the gentle man in any man. Ladies it’s time we got out of that place of thinking like men and come into the place where we act like ladies think like ladies and gladly be ladies.
Love
Busayo

UNDERSTANDING KAIROS

 

Karios is the Hebrew word for appointed time, when we say kairos we are referring to the appointed time. All of life answers to times and seasons, a lot of things go wrong in our lives because they either happened before the appointed time or afterwards. In fact a lot of things that are considered sinful aren’t even sinful in themselves only the timing is the problem.

Read through the story of Jesus resurrection you’ll realize he didn’t stir, didn’t move, and didn’t resurrect on the first day, didn’t move his toe or something on the second day, he came back on the third day. Know why he came on the third day? Because that was his appointed time.  I read job 14:14 and I particularly love the message bible translation of the message it goes ;

“If we humans die, will we live again? That's my question.

All through these difficult days I keep hoping,

waiting for the final change — for resurrection!”

 

the change we’re waiting for is the resurrection, but we’ve got to understand that we can’t resurrect until our third day, our third day in this case isn’t the physical three days, it’s our kairos time, our set time for beautification, I also love the God’s word translation of Job 14:14;

    

”If a person dies, will he go on living?

I will wait for my relief to come

as long as my hard labor continues”

 

isn’t that just hopeful, there is hope that there is an end to all your pain, all your hurts and all that has broken and bent you, all you need do is understand Kairos, understand that for everything in life there is time and season, there is the time for your “UGLIFICATION” and there is the time for your BEAUTIFICATION however all of these will happen in their kairos time and not even a day before. All you need do is believe and wait until your change comes.

 

Love always

Busayo Kehinde

 

 

THE WAITING

What exactly is the waiting? The waiting basically refers to the period between your hurt and your kairos. The waiting is the time between the day you were hurt and the day of your glory. The waiting is the time between the day Jesus died and the day he resurrected, the waiting is the day after the cross and the day before the resurrection.

    It doesn’t matter what has happened that left you broken and hurting, during the waiting, it may look like the change you desire is nowhere near coming, during the waiting you’ll hurt, you’ll cry, you’ll feel pain and you’ll wonder is God is true, if all his promises are indeed genuine, if he really cares, during the waiting you’ll see things that would leave you wondering, but in all of these God is still there, while you can decide to struggle and wait on your own, the problem with this is that you can never wait on your own, there’ll be too many things to test your patience during the waiting, you can decide to hold on to God and let him hold you, encourage you, embrace you in his love. I’m listening to you’ll never walk alone now, it’s a reminder that God is with us, he’ll be with us to make the wait easier, sometimes the wait is gentle sometimes the cold wind would blow, but no matter how it is, no matter what kind of wait you can be sure of this one thing, you’ll never walk alone, you’ll never wait alone. Let Jesus help and wait with you.

Love always

Busayo Kehinde

STOP HARASSING ME WITH SCRIPTURES

       Hi guys, it’s the season of “love” and I was really going to do something on love, however I’m one under instruction so I couldn’t just get up and write whatever I feel as I please, but I’ll leave y’all with this; there is No such thing as a better life, love your own life, no other life is better or more deserving of love than yours. I don’t know anything more devastating than not loving yourself. You can spend the whole day with Bae and still feel unloved, it not something Bae didn’t do, its you, until you can love yourself no one can successfully love you, you’ll just frustrate their efforts. Once you can love yourself with or without a date tomorrow, you’ll do just fine. Also as you celebrate remember the man upstairs the BIG G, the one whose heart is turned over with love for you, our ultimate love, and embrace his love through the day.
               Well today I’d be writing on scriptures and its abuse. A few people would be able to relate with me on this and that is fine, scriptures are there to help, encourage and heal. Not to discourage, kill and not help. However the unkind application of scriptures in these times has killed many. I couldn’t blame those who wouldn’t turn their lives to God because they see Christianity as bondage, some of us are quick to say “it’s their business” well it’s not it ours too. Yeah I know some people talk without any evidence, but some have real proof that its bondage, people abuse people with scriptures. For instance I don’t pray to ever be in a situation where divorce has to be my only option but if someone is in such a situation you don’t humiliate them by saying “God hates divorce” yes he does but he doesn’t hate you because you’ve had a divorce, he hates what divorce does to people, he hates the trauma, but you? He loves you very much. I’m not a supporter of the whole idea of divorce but I’m tired of people committing suicide because they cannot divorce and they cannot put up with the marriage, nothing would separate us from Gods love Divorce or no divorce......... one that I was particularly harassed with when I spoke about my struggle with sin was “shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?” maybe you don’t understand I’m not enjoying the sin I’m confessing because I need help I feel like I have fallen too far for grace I need mercy, I need help, nobody remembered that my sin didn’t separate me from God, I spent a greater part knowing I had fallen too far and I had sinned long  enough for grace so I was totally doomed for hell and I stopped fighting sin, I  just let it rule. That is what happens when we continually abuse people with scriptures, times when I wanted to commit suicide because there was no hope for me I just figured I will still go to hell in the end so why should I quicken the journey, Glory to God I am no longer abused by scriptures but what about the others who are being molested by scriptures, who are hurting.
         Today as Christians show Jesus and decide within you to stop harassing people with scripture, love them with it instead, encourage them with the word it’s what we are called to do.
Love
Busayo

HARDER???? STRONGER?????

           Hey y’all I love to write, I doubt there is anything else that gives me that much joy, however when I write I write sometimes on things I’ve heard about, sometimes on things I imagine, other times on things I read about, and mostly on thing I have experienced. Of all the things I write on of all the things that inspire my writing the one I love the most is when I write out of experience. When I write out of my experience I feel its way easier and the purpose of this blog is achieved; “if God could bring her through, he’ll bring me too”. I’ve learnt that for the most part my experiences aren’t just for me, they also include everyone who drops by. This piece is one of such experience inspired posts…..enjoy
     Over the past year I’ve written so many things in relation to how my health witnessed a terrible downward shift. When I started to have pain it was scary, I’d cry at the slightest sign of pain, but gradually I stopped crying if there was pain I developed a new method of pain killer abuse that works faster than the medically approved method so I stuck with it, now a lot of people would think that pain grows after a while, in reality it never really happens at least not on this side of heaven, we just get used to it and for some of us it makes us stronger and others makes us harder. I got used to being in pain at some point that even when pain was at its peak I wouldn’t  shed a tear, people would be like “Busayo you’re so strong” and I was unmoved, gradually nothing fazed me again. I thought that was strength but it wasn’t, strong people have compassion, I had no iota of that it was a struggle to show I even cared about and for anyone, I was so hard and direct I could just spill out anything I wanted to without caring about other people’s feelings; that’s not strength that’s just being callous, strong people have empathy but I didn’t if anything else I’d say I was simply straight up mean. Nobody was worth my time, my care, my trust, my love or anything else for that matter. Now aside my health life had hurt me on so many other sides and I had closed up every wound and pretended it never happened and that was why I was hard. Know this “strong people are the ones who have healed; hard people are the ones who have covered”.
        I however came to realize how hard I was, until I could so casually throw around the word I love you without even a hint of care for the person, but that was just a little. Worse was when my friend had a cold and I wasn’t concerned I’d had worse colds and so I was wondering why she was all acting dying, I offered her drugs and she goes “I don’t like drugs” to say the least I was irritated, for me what is so hard about taking drugs I take drugs every day so when someone says they can’t I’m like “okay! Then die”.
      Strength is what Jesus has that even after the cross he still has compassion for our little pains enough to be with us through it. Strength is empathy, love, care, patience, understanding, joy, peace and strength. In the words of Louisa May  
“Painful as it may be a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that servers us and those around us- more effectively. Look for the learning.”
Strength is in the learning. I have no idea what pain some of you have had to endure to be here today, but I know you’re here you have the strength to be strong, but you need to heal first only then can you really get strength, let go let God, be healed and be strong. Evaluate your life are you really strong or are you just hard enough to go through each day. Hard thing get broken in the end and you never want to know what that even feels like.
Love always
Busayo.
Ps: I'm always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com and God is always a prayer away.

I’M A CHRISTIAN BUT I STRUGGLE WITH SIN

 As I write this piece I ask myself Mish, are you sure you want to do this? I mean people may misunderstand you, well if you do misunderstand this I’m very sorry. I do not expect everyone who reads this either to clap or drop a comment saying “nice piece” however, for those who I do this I know you’ll be blessed.
From stealing, to lying, to lust, to sexual immorality, to cheating, to insincerity, to pride, whatever  it may be, sin is sin and so long as it doesn’t honor God its sinful. Well one would expect hat as a Christian you shouldn’t struggle with sin. Don’t get me wrong I’m not here to put an “okay” on, but struggling with sin doesn’t make you a bad Christian, to struggle with something means to fight it right? So if you are struggling with sin it means you are not okay with sin and you want to get rid of sin, when you fall and its most expected that you’ll fall don’t get so beat down, we all struggle with something for the most part, don’t allow anybody magnify your struggle, some of us struggle with pride we struggle with letting Gods voice be heard above ours, we just don’t tell and because you struggle with sexual immorality or drug addiction people tell you you’re not Christian enough and that’s why you struggle, NO! So long as you are not okay, not content in the sin you are still a Christian, don’t beat yourself because you fall we all are God’s work in progress. We fall we rise and continue our journey, see the apostle Paul he said three times he asked God to take away his weakness but God kept on saying my strength is sufficient, there are some of us who even need our struggles to keep us focused on God, if some were without any struggle we would glory in ourselves and no that’s not Gods intention for his children he want us to glory in the father. Don’t allow anyone lie to you, you’re not too saved to struggle with sin, no one gets it right all at once, it’s a gradual process and with Gods strength being sufficient you’ll rise above it. You’re not too saved to struggle with sin you are too saved to remain in sin and be comfortable there.
Love
Busayo

I’M A CHRISTIAN BUT I STILL HAVE FEARS

Hi everyone thank you for every minute you spend on this blog checking through what this silly little girl has to say, and smiling and dropping comments and encouraging this little thing I do called sharing, I couldn’t thank you all enough but God who sees my heart know how blessed when I see people who read my write up get blessed, he knows how important your mail and comments are to me, I literally smile my way through the day knowing I’m using the kings blessing to be a blessing. In the past week I’ve been really busy so if I didn’t respond to possibly a mail or even a comment, I’m really sorry school was tearing me apart I almost lost my mind but I bless God the semester is behind me, I had to sneak up here in between stress and just put up anything most time because y”all needed to feed and I wasn’t going to starve you. God bless for you all for sticking around. Finally I’ll be home for the next month so please feel free to drop mails with personal questions, comments e.t.c they all mean a lot to me. My email is always busayokehinde81@gmail.com .
    I’ve been writing on being a Christian and battling stuff, let me state this at this point; being a Christian doesn’t make you any less a human, doesn’t make you super human, it only brings God into your humanity, to make you living a lot easier. It doesn’t change your human nature. We unfortunately live in an extreme society where people don’t really see things they way they are, the world is full of grey but most of us simply see white and black and that is the problem.  I mean people say why are you afraid aren’t you a Christian? Honestly Christian doesn’t mean you won’t have fears, fear is an emotion built in us as humans just as love is, it’s why Christians and non Christian want to be loved alike, its inbuilt in our bodies and so long as you are in this body you are bound to have fear and doubt, why else would the bible say “fear not” so many times, it’s because we are in the body where fear exists, plus in the end you’ll always have fear just as a Christian you’ll have to spend all your fear on Jesus; hence the phrase “I fear God” . so all no one look down on you or question your faith because you still have fears about life, the future and all, I mean life is so uncertainty so fear is bound to come, difference is as a Christian your fear is on God. You may have fears, don’t let that make you negate your Christianity just begin to channel all your fear toward God. I still have fears once in a while but believe me I’m still Christian.
Love
Busayo

I’M A CHRISTIAN BUT I STILL HURT

Heyy I promised to write more on I’m a Christian but…… however I haven’t had the time to sit with that well until today. I hope you’re blessed and please feel free to write anything on this piece and mail it to me, who knows your openness about your struggle could rescue another. busayokehinde81@gmail.com is my mail address.
I have heard of people who had some really hurtful experiences in their past, maybe you lost a parent, someone walked out on you, a history of abuse, or molestation and now years after you still feel hurt sometimes, and maybe you’ve been told that you’ve not forgiven and that’s why you still hurt. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you expect but the hurt doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven or you’re still bitter, if we’ll be honest we forgive the problem isn’t unforgivness. You could have totally forgiven the issue is we’re human and we don’t ever really forget, it’s in your memory and all you need is something familiar, maybe a smell, a picture, a name, a trip and there again where the pain happened, you’re not angry you’re just hurt and you wish it never happened. I wish people would stop saying to people get over it when they are hurt by things that have gone on in the past, or dive into a long sermon about how you should not be hurt because you are a Christian, sometimes I see people hurt themselves in the name of trying to be Christians, they’ll be hurting but wouldn’t get help and they’ll be forcing a plastic smile on their face and be suffering and hurting in silence and in the end when the hurt gets too much they end up committing suicide. I’m Christian and I still hurt over the past doesn’t make me any less a Christian it only leaves me human, Christianity isn’t synonymous to no hurt, you would be hurt because you are human but the hurt wouldn’t get the better of you and that’s what matters, so don’t even allow anyone tell you you’re unforgiving because you still hurt once in a while its only normal to feel that way especially when something was lost or taken away from you. So my light may be broken (I still hurt) but I still work (I’m still a Christian).
Love
Busayo K

GODS WAYS

‘’I stood there trying to get him to see me, trying to buy a minute of his time,
Just to get him to listen to me, but he had too many people around him to even have a minute for me
So I let him go. I tried to chat him up but again I met with a brick wall so I decided to stop trying”
                                                                                                                                                            -B
I had a little problem and as always I prayed about it but I wanted to talk it over with the daddy but no he didn’t even have my time, he had become my confidant I used to be really scared but he was always there to encourage me, pray for me and all, but this time around he wasn’t just there, I told him he didn’t pray for me and I had a little struggle and he replied with a very silly “awwwww” and no prayer after, well I can’t blame him tho but I was hurt. He was with me the other day and I walked him down to the car park mainly because I wanted to talk but I didn’t even get up to a minute it was like I was invincible, half way through the walk I just gave up and let him be as I left him, I stopped and turned to another friend who knew next to nothing about me and we started talking and like that I told him what was hurting me and how I felt, not only did he pray with me he talked too and listened to my whining and even promised to keep up with me and true to his word he’s done just that.
I’m reminded of scriptures that says Gods ways are not my ways, really  I was there expecting one person to save me while he was busy preparing another person for me, I may not perfectly understand his ways but they are certainly way better than anything I could ever plan myself. Furthermore what I learnt from my experience is to never chase anyone except God, because while I spent my time chasing after the other one I didn’t have time to stop and see the other one God had for me. 
Love
Busayo

GUARD YOUR HEART

The bible says to guard our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. This has proved to be beyond true in my experience. Today my concern on guarding heart is not in relation to sin in the heart but on who you allow into your heart.
In the past I allowed this guy into my life for the sake of this piece we’ll call him Ethan, he was a great person to me, in my mind I was on cloud nine, I dreamed of the perfect life with him, now I knew he was possibly not the one but it looked good enough, I told myself I knew I would be possibly hurt but I was going to enjoy the ride, before Ethan I had never cared about anyone, I had never loved anyone so much, i had heart for only Ethan, I looked up to him, he was like God to me, it you ask me I had found love, and it wasn’t totally my fault, Ethan was caring, he made me realize I had the ability to love a person totally and I could trust. I had spent a great part of my life not trusting so when he came and I felt all these I was sure he was the one so I let my guards down and let him in. then somewhere along the line trouble came and he left me. His leaving hurt me not as much as his replacing me with other girls, he left me in the cold and my heart was hurt. The problem now isn’t his leaving but what his leaving has turned me into. I’m no longer the loving or caring person I was trying to be, I’m worse off, before him I was learning to care but after him I don’t even ever want to care or love because I keep feeling like everyone I love would leave me, I have more trouble trusting because the one I trusted let me down. I have grown into a hardened lady because I let the wrong person in.  But it’s not fair and I know but I can’t shake the insecurity away I’m pained and in my pain I keep transferring the pain to as many people I meet, I see a circle of pain and it’s because I let my guard down.  It’s a pity that whoever I would end up marrying may have a lot to deal with because I didn’t guard my heart, it’s been a while but the pain is still there, we never dated but his closeness had me and his leaving crushed me, it was one of those pseudo-relationships and he was a church nigga!
People guard your heart, be watchful who you let in, don’t let your feeling cause you to hurt. I wrote in my journal “if I give all that is meant for dear future hubby to another man what would be left for him when he comes?” sometimes I’m tempted to think there is something so intrinsically, uncontrollably evil about men that makes it so easy for them to act the way they do, the unsaved ones treating women wrong and the church dudes pretending and shredding hearts so conveniently. Whatever it is about them I don’t know but I am certainly sure there are a few good men.

LOVE N SUFFERING: WHAT RELATIONSHIP?

So I never knew suffering was one of the criteria a woman must meet in order to get married or even be marriable until lately. A week ago I drank garri and I woke up in the clinic now you’re possibly wondering how that happened I’ll explain, my health doesn’t permit me to drink Garri it I drink garri it makes me have difficulty  breathing, oh plus my skin too, I have a very sensitive skin, if someone hits me hard or holds me too tight, it would leave marks on my skin, one day someone looked me in the face and said, Busayo, no man can even marry you oh, and I’m like why? And she goes if something happens now and he hits you, everybody will know that he hit you, you can’t even suffer sef, I was amazed that someone could think of that, but more I felt pity for her I mean how could you even have a mindset that a man would even beat you, and why would I just believe I need to learn how to drink garri to be marriable, for the most part I like garri but for my condition I can’t take garri and I’m not even about to learn the act of drinking garri all in the name of love. Please don’t misquote me, I’m not saying I’m not prepared to learn to MANAGE if things ever go wrong, if things do go wrong we could take pap (akamu) and akara instead of garri and cream our body with whatever oil is left after frying akara, but the ideology that you have to be suffer head before a marriage is highly unnecessary and annoying. While I was in secondary school, I went for an entrance examination somewhere and a teacher there was trying to ride on me and I would have none of it so I gave him a piece of my mind and he got offended and started ranting and all, somewhere along the line he realized I wasn’t about to apologize because I knew I was right and he let me go, a lady who saw what happened afterwards called me to advise me, and she said you don’t have and opinion as a woman, if you’re married and your husband says something even if you don’t like it you have to take it else he’ll just beat you, you should learn not to voice your opinion or defend your right every time or you’ll never find a man to marry you, or he’ll be beating you. As I left that place I almost made up my mind not to ever get married because there was no way I was having all that but now I know better, I don’t have to be opinion less when it comes to marriage, I should have an opinion, the things is I should be able to leave it open to my man’s input and final decision, I don’t have to be silent because I now have a man.
 It’s no wonder we don’t even have so many submissive women we have on one hand the suffer head wives; the ones who allow men to rule, dominate and intimidate them, and on the other hand we have those who are almost men themselves, who would totally refuse to suffer and in the process try to be men themselves; they want to have strong opinions, they want to decide for themselves, they do not want to be dominated so they try to dominate others.
  Once I was with a friend and out of the blues he just said “Busayo you know, the person that would go out with you and ultimately marry you has to have money o, you can’t even suffer” now I wasn’t sure what that was about, well I just continued on my way, I’m not trying to be all high maintenance but personally I believe you teach people how to treat you, I don’t look like I can suffer? It’s because I’m not meant for suffering, God forbid that I suffer in the name of love. Any many looking for a woman that will suffer with him is certainly not my own Boaz, my own Boaz is looking for a woman he’ll take care of and not one he’ll take to suffer with him, and for me; Ruth if time comes and we have to ever manage I’m always going to be there willing and able to manage but as per suffering count me out, I will never suffer or slave around in the name of love.

ON FAITH

I was in church one Tuesday afternoon for a special service, during the service the pastor told a story of how a woman was ill for several years and one day she was prayed for and she dropped all her drugs at the altar and she was healed instantly. And her royal copycat (ME) heard the testimony and decided to 'follow the ladder' to the miraculous so when the service was over I stayed back a few minutes and there on my seat mumbled a few lines or something the seemed like a prayer, Then I got up did the right ‘spiritual’ pose ensured there was tears in my eyes to add more effect, and walked to the front of the church, (covers face in shame lol) I knelt by the altar like the woman with the issue of blood I brought out my two inhalers and dropped them by the altar assumed I was healed and I went home and started doing over do, I did everything an asthmatic patient shouldn’t do lmao in this Busayo’s mind she was a woman of faith! Oh how stupid I must have seemed, Jesus must have had a filled day watching my drama, well as you expect less than 2 hours after I got home I had an attack and I almost lost my life, I had  four crazy attack episodes right after the other within less than 24 hours and I was still forming faith there, I didn't know how it worked but I just assumed maybe if I didn't use the inhaler God will heal me himself but I didn't believe he would, well thank God for Jesus in the end my specialist was called upon and he said to tell me to use my seretide inhaler, my dad got me a new one and one puff was all it took and I was relaxed. Lmaooo may copy copy not send me and you to our untimely graves in Jesus name.
It took that experience and plenty other stupid ones for me to realize that faith and copy copy are totally two different things, some people wonder why something's do not work for them while it works for others, it’s not because you are of lesser faith its because God works in us differently for his glory, some of the things some of we do in the name of faith thinking we are spiritual is just plain copy copy, I mean Shola fasted 10 days and God answered her I'll now decide to do 20 days and when I don’t see any manifestation I'd now start quoting Ecclesiastes 3, “there is time for everything” nigga God might want to speak to me while I'm are eating and until I sit to eat he wouldn’t say nothing so if I like i can increase my fast to 50 days I'll only be wasting my time. i mean that something works for one person doesn’t make it a law, abi was it only the woman with the issue of blood that touched Jesus’ cloth that day? They were plenty but she got the blessing I’m sure some others must have started to touch the cloth too to see what will happen lol, faith isn’t trial,  faith is belief, it’s not she did it maybe I should try, its God said it and I believe it. Now how do you get the faith that is not borne out of copy copy, tarry with God let him tel you what to do per time and for your own situation and its that simple. Faith is God teaching you how to receive from him, God would give you a method that would give you the blessing you need at the time, until you can do this may of us will just be copying other peoples ways and be frustrated when it doesn’t seem to be working and we’ll start saying yeye things like maybe the person was even lying……….. Faith is more of personal than popular