I DARE TO DREAM

Yesterday afternoon a friend walked in on me taking my routine drugs and using my inhaler and for some reason she goes “why do you care for yourself so? Now innocent me who couldn’t understand what was being said to me responded “I don’t get you” she’s like “every other asthmatic person or persons with health conditions I know don’t care for themselves or take their pills like you do” without giving it any thought I responded “I have a dream” lol trust me I’m no martin Luther king but baby I do have a dream. Funny thing is I’ve never thought of it but my dream has always being an anchor when the storms of life is strongly against me and pain seems to come in torrents coming against me and it feels like I’m drowning. My dream has always been that anchor I hold on to with a death grip, when pain overwhelms me and the struggle gets real, I want to live out my dreams so I’ll take care of my body because I need my life to fulfill purpose, until the day God heals me I’ll take all the drugs I’m given not because I like them but because I have a dream and I need strength to live my dream.
 I want to write, not just blog and tell little stories, I want to write, write books that people who go through similar things can find comfort and know they are not alone in whatever it is they are going through, I want to write so everyone knows the about the God who loves me and they too and gave himself for us, I want to write about my love for God, and to write you need to be breathing so each time I feel the pain overwhelmingly my dream comes to mind and it makes me fight for my life. Severally I’ve had attacks and just lay down not trying to help myself out of the crises, tired of the seemingly endless pricks of needles, sometimes my sinuses get infected and the pain seems like I'd die, several times I'd lie on my sick bed and ask God to take me home to be with him and free from the pain However every time this happens I get a firm grip on my dream, my books unwritten and unpublished, stories within yet unshared. This dream gets the power over the pain and yes it gives me strength to fight, I fight for my dream and in the process of fighting for my dream I fight for my life.
 Here’s the thing I’ve learnt; we all should dare to dream regardless. sometimes your dream might be the anchor, the driving force, the wind breath you wings when things get overwhelming and there is seemingly nothing you can do. You dreams hope and aspirations and most of all your purpose could be you anchor. We all need something stronger than the pain to conquer the pain, your dream, your purpose is that something!!
Xoxo
Mish!

BECOMING

Rock bottom is where she’s come from
One careless act by a man, who knew no better,
And her life was turned away,
Years after that came the infirmity
In one fell swoop her health was taken away from her
Her physical strength left
There was no inner strength to tap into
The inner strength had been long gone
The physical had covered
And suddenly she was weak
Asthma wouldn’t allow her catch a breath
Sinusitis would trigger attacks
Her heart’s pain twisted her heart
Until it was like a metal hanger after kids on the streets are done playing with it
And nothing could be done
Routine drugs made her feel like a failure
Frequent check up made her feel defeated
And treatments left her traumatized
Some days she wanted it to be over
She wanted to go and be with Jesus
Far away from the pain
But this God’s princess loves to write
So write was all she did
God had placed so much in this his child
She had to share it all,
So when the pain became too much,
She’ll pray to be fine
When she wasn’t fine;
She’d ask for relief;
Just relief so she could write
So everyone could know about the God
The God who is her father,
Writing was her anchor in the storm
She held on to it with death’s grip
She needed life to write
And there was so much she had to write
So when the pain was too much she simply wrote
And when there was little relief she wrote
And when she was strong she wrote
Writing was her escape
Writing was where she found her strength
Now where is this God’s princess?
She’s miles away from rock bottom
Rebuilding with blocks of forgiveness
Forgiving those who called her frigid when she seemed unlovable;
Pain had tortured her emotions she was only learning to love again.
Forgiving those who didn’t understand and called her unserious
When she had to skip school and all; they had no idea what she was going through.
Forgiving those who walked out on her because she missed dates severally;
They didn’t know how unpredictable her life was
Forgiving those who had no idea why she had to cancel plans;
They didn’t understand she wasn’t just a natural plan stabber
Forgiving those who tagged her snobbish;
They couldn’t understand how pain had slit her throat left her unable to speak
Forgiving the young man who didn’t know any better and molested her;
He didn’t know any better he was a child of perdition
Forgiving the man who promised her cheese balls as a child but gave her his balls instead;
He was confused and tormented, he needed escape
Forgiving those who yelled because she didn’t wear a turtle neck and had an attack:
They have no idea that she doesn’t dictate the fragrance those around her wear
Forgetting that there is a lot she has no control over.
She’s forgiving because she’s growing
Growing today cannot happen with baggage from yesterday
She’s dropping the rots by forgiving
She’s living, learning loving, becoming and waiting
Living the life her God wants her to
Learning the complicated lessons in life
Loving the woman she’s becoming
Becoming everything God planned for his princess to be
And she’s waiting to see what the lord has planned
Because she knows he has good planned