WALKING IN FREEDOM: WALKING WITH A LIMP

The problem with freedom is most times when we get free we tend to abuse it and walk right back into captivity. Can we now say freedom is not good? Nope its great to be free its what we need, however we need to understand that it does not stop at being free we need to learn how to walk in our freedom.

   When I say walking with a limp, I do not mean limping in the physical sense, I mean to tread carefully, one thing we need to know about our weakness is it will always be there, the whole point of the series is to teach you to starve your weakness, to help you stop feeding it. That you haven’t fallen into the addiction in a while doesn’t make you super human, the moment you get into a place where it can be fed you’re definatley going to fall back. My papa once told me “a wise man is one who guards against his weakness” walking with a limp involves you guardin against your weakness.

     Babies fall a lot, I think for every three steps a baby takes there is a fall ahead, but as we grow falling becomes less frequent, and when we become adults its very rare, and when adults fall the impact is usually more. The last time I fell I felt like literally everything in my body were broken because its been a while. So it is with addiction a fall after a long time is usually more devastating and most time its because we are sure we are free so there is no need to arm ourselves so much and we think we can return to our previous lifestyle just without the addiction, we need to understand that our previous lifestyle had to have fuelled it. And as such understand that we cannot go back to our previous lifestyle and not get back to our addiction. Walking with a limp is not moving haphazardly. Its understanding our weakness and guarding ourselves against a fall by our actions and inactions.

Xoxo Busayo

WALKING FREE: UNDERSTANDING WARNING SIGNS

This is also a continuation of the series on addiction, if you're just joining us here we've gone from understanding what addiction is, to its signs, then we moved to finding freedom now we are on walking in freedom.

I read about farmers of several years ago, how a day or two before a storm comes they’ll know by the look of things even if the sun is shining very bright, they’ll know by the behavior of their animals and plants.

Reading about that got me thinking about the storms in our lives The times when we are most likely to fall to temptation.  There are warning signs.  There are patterns.  They may be different for every one of us.

Knowing them will give us time to either set things right or seek shelter.  If we are tired, feel sick and home alone and know that those are signs of a coming storm, and then we need to act and act now, not later, when the storm is upon us.

Be able to identify them for a woman most time a warning sign could be when youre in or about to be in your period (wich is actually so for most women) there is hormonal changes, PMS there just so much and you cant seem to control it all you’re stressed up,  know that, for you, they will probably never change.  If tired, sick and alone is a bad combo now, it will probably be a bad combo later, even years after you have not fallen into temptation you still need to watch out for this.  Your job is not to keep it from being a bad combo.  The truth is tired, sick, and alone can never really be a good combo! (Check the post on sick on a Sunday on the blog) Your job is to have an action plan in place.  Your job is to be very aware of when the storm of temptation is coming and to seek shelter in the Most High and ensure there’s nothing to fuel the temptation.

xoxo

DEAL OR NO DEAL

When I was in junior secondary school, there was this thing we used to do, where you’ll give someone your breakfast in exchange for possibly their lunch or dinner or vice versa, most times, it worked out perfectly well and sometim3s not so, as the person who made the deal may have just made it because they were hungry or not controlled enough to eat theirs and be satisfied or wanted the food. A few days ago during my bible study I read Genesis 30:15, and as read it I was hit, in that scripture Rachel gave her husband to Leah, in exchange for her son’s mandrakes, and that night when Leah slept with Jacob she conceived again(something Rachael had been hoping would happen to her) I had questions in my heart. What if Rachael was to get pregnant that night and all because she could not control her appetite for food she sold her husband to another. It reminds me of the story of Jacob and Esau; we all know how it ended. Reading this scripture got me praying really much for self control, control over myself to know when to stop and when to say No, when to say Enough. To give me control over myself so I don’t give up something important for something as meager as a pot of porridge.

This goes beyond giving up things physically it also extends into our everyday lives, it involves us giving up our future glory for the vain things of today, it involves us moving with the tide of the day and giving up the future, it goes to every aspect of our lives, even down to our relationship, it knowing its not the right person but moving with it anyway to cure your boredom or because it feels good anyway so why not move with it.. It’s my prayer for you my amazing readers that God would give you self control to know when to stop and when to say no. so you’ll get to your future.

Xoxo Busayo  

REST

Hello people its been a while, trust you all have been doing well, I’m good and most well, back in school (stress begins) anyway that gives me more things to write about, trust me there’s plenty of drama here than in any Jim Iyke nollywood flick you’ll see(lol). But honestly, there’s drama and don’t worry I’d write whatever I learn from every drama I see here.

  I’ve been reading my bible differently of recent and trust me it’s been more amazing than I ever imagined it would be, plus every day I learn a new thing, from the lives of bible characters. For a long time I read about the story of the prophet who was instructed by God not to rest and decided to rest and was led astray by an old prophet and ended up being killed, and I simply said he disobeyed and left it at that, however as I read Genesis 11:31-32 I realized there were several others like him, in Genesis 11 31 my bible tells me    

“Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran”

Reading this I realized all they wanted to do was rest, excuse me? What is wrong with resting? Truly there Is nothing wrong with resting, but we need realize most times what we refer to as a rest could be where we would end our lives, when I think of these stories further I realize there had to be something comfortable about the places that these two men settled to rest that caused them to rest, then it occurred to me “settling for less” a lot of us are and still settle for less because it close to the best, there had to be something beautiful about Haran yes it may not be like Canaan but it wasn’t bad either so Terah decided to rest, he had Canaan in mind came to Haran and figured it wasn’t too bad and settled there and died there. A whole lot of us are comfortable at whatever position we are today, we know this is not what God has in store for us but its quite comfy so we can rest there, beware of resting on your way because most times a rest spot could become a permanent abode for one.

Now what do we do to avoid resting or settling on our way to where God has in mind for us, its simple we need focus, focus on the GOAL, look at the big picture, focus on where you are going and make up your mind not to stop, determine not to stop(I know you’re thinking she’s saying determine I’ll write soon on the power of determination hope you’ll read it), and most of all fix your eyes on HIM and depend on HIS grace.

Xoxo Busayo

BIRTHDAY ALERT!!!!!!

Heheheh hello people its April, the only month in the year I’m always flipping excited about. The answer isn’t far feched, its my month. Anyways come 25^th April 2014 I’d be turning 18 ikr, I get that all the time, people who do not know me in person and rad stuff I write be wondering? If you knew me in person and read what I write you’d be more confused believe me. Yesterday I was in school and this 100level guy walked up to me and I don’t know how small I looked to him, the first thing he said was “you’re in 100 level right?” I felt like I’d just been punched in the face, but that was just the beginning when I left school I stopped at the bank and on arrival I decided to put on shades, hoping I’d look a little older or something and surprisingly as I was about to enter thje bank the security man asked me “where is your mommy?” can you imagine how I felt. Smh. Enough of my sad stories about my age and person, OBTW don’t think I’m short, I’m not I’m really tall(I could easily pass for a model) lol.

   Why this post you’re asking? Its simple it just me announcing my birthday to the whole world lol(shebi its my blog? Just kiddin :D), its simple I’m just messing around and sharing some of my excitement on here (plenty whala of a big baby), oh another thing about turning 18, I don’t have to pass by teens church and feel guilty for sitting with the youths on Sunday lol. Oh and just to give suggestions of birthday gifts I’d totally love

1)      A JOURNAL: so I’m already on my second journal this year (I write plenty of stuff, rubbish most times, but they help me anyway), and I’d soon be done with the second, I need a new one, preferably a pink one with a pink pen. Lol

2)      A CAR: I’d be 18 so I guess I’d be officially ready to drive, so I’d like a car, preferably a red or pink Ferrari.

3)      A PHONE: errrm I think I want a gold iphone 5… hehehehehe (don’t wake me up yet)

4)      NOVELS: I can read novels for Africa(lol), my favorite authors are Karen Kingsbury and Francine Rivers, just buy me a whole Karen Kingsbury’s series and our friendship has been sealed. :D

5)      A DRESS: I almost hate anything cloth item that is not a dress, just buy me a dress and I’d wear it everyday, (depends on the type and who you are tho)

6)      A BIBLE: when I was younger my mom had this life application bible, I loved it so much and even turned it into my own bible and took it to school, and somehow I lost it, I’ve never seen a bible I love that much. A life application bible would be the greatest gift of all (except that which God will gimmie) I could receive April 25^th this year.

Hehehehe I guess that’s about all I want for my birthday and of course anything else you think of. Lol, so this post is just me been playful, don’t take it too personal. But on a serious note I need that life application bible. :D……

Xoxo Busayo

FREEDOM FROM ADDICTION III: THE POWER OF HEALING

Several times we fail to understand the power of a healed mind that is  why we fail to heal often times we do not heal because it’s just too difficult to heal, because healing would involve us going back and opening issues we’ve so forced our mind to forget we fail to realize that we never forget itt always comes back, even if it’s after years of acting like not ever happened not allowing ourselves to heal is like putting a bandage on a wound that needs surgery. Hurt we so desperately want to forget could birth addictions that’s why several people would break free from one addiction only to get into another some break free from pornography only to retort to masturbation, some leave drugs for sexual promiscuity some go into more secret ones like fantasy and lust.

  We need to heal from all our hurts possibly you've been abused as a child you were possibly molested sexually by a family member or someone who wasn't even close to your family, or you were emotionally abused as a child, emotional abuse involves verbal abuse by people as well as violence, several times you might have just been a witness to violence, several things in life could hurt us, the death of a loved one possibly ones parent or sibling or someone you loved could totally cause one pain. And if one does not heal addiction cannot totally be broken because we’ll need something to medicate the pain we feel.

   Healing is one of the hardest things to do, healing involves grieving over whatever it is that was lost, also healing involves forgiveness and even making peace with those who have hurt one. I think forgiveness is the hardest part of healing its like removing a part of you heart, its altering the shape of your heart, its like teaching a person who has grown up all their life doing something a particular way to start doing it differently, no matter how easier the other way might be, its always hard for the person to adjust. But after a while they’ll adjust. You’ll need to forgive now not for the other persons benefit but for your own self. You’ll need Gods grace to forgive and finally occasionally therapy would be necessary. If the need be get a qualified therapist to talk with you. 

xoxo Busayo 

REFLECTIONS

    ‘You who created my innermost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well”

I look in the mirror and my heart breaks at what I see, I see eyes that have see too much hurt too large and very ugly, I see cheeks which are either too chubby or just fall flat on my face, I see a nose so small I wonder if it was an afterthought, I see skin that do not glow because of its sensitivity, I see a scar, a sad scar that reminds me of all that has happened, the pains the hurts, the surgeries.

     I see papa on Tuesday and all he sees is pretty, he tells me I look  beautiful even before I can speak, he tells me to read psalm 139:13-18, I try to read scriptures  but it hurts too much but it’s true. How did I ever look in the mirror and see ugly, how could I even say it? How could I call me ugly? It’s rude and impolite to my creator who has made me fearfully and wonderfully. Its rude to say it to me. Why then did I say it? He did it the small “he” he blinded me from the right, he drew attention to the imperfections, he turned my eyes from the good because he figured if I saw the good I’d have no need for him  no more nor his vices. But the BIG G, the creator the one who formed me, wouldn’t let me continue in his lies; he’s opened my eyes to see the truth.

    I look in the mirror now and I see beautiful, no not sexy or hot, I see pretty. I see the largest prettiest eyes, eyes that glow in excitement all the time, I see eyes that have seen messes as well as mercies, eyes that have see pains as well as gains, eyes that have shed plenty tears, I guess the tears were just eye washing cus  I see bright eyes, I see a tiny nose, that has been exposed to torture but somehow has pulled through and still functions perfectly, I see lips, the cutest ones at that, pink and lovely I don’t even need to wear lipsticks to achieve my pink. He let me have it naturally. I see cheeks chubby from feeding properly health as well as peace, and sometimes flat after a stressful semester (I mean that’s why there’s school), I see skin very sensitive even a faint pen could draw a tattoo on, the sensitivity tells me how special I am, it speaks of fragile nature, a precious one to be handled with utmost care, it gives me the understanding of the fact that I’m worth more than gold, I’m not to be held, pulled or moved without utmost care(Dear future husband beware :P heheheh). And most of all I see a scar, a scar that reminds me of pain and where I’ve been through and also reminds me of the one who brought me through, a scar which reminds me of travail as well as triumph, I see a scar a pointer to the fact that God is a the healer, a scar that gives hope to others. I see a scar that shows the potency of the whole “there’s light at the end of the tunnel, and of my journey through the tunnel and gives me courage to embrace the light.

So today to you oh lord who created my innermost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I’m thankful you oh Lord who ordained my days before the camee I’m thankful, you who holds me in your hands, I’m always going to be grateful.

    I’m sure when you created me it was your own way of showing of your amazing creativity. I have no doubt in my heart that when God made me he must have been thinking “BEAUTIFUL SOMETHING”

 Xoxo Busayo

OH! Big happy birthday to my dear little baby Temiloluwa, I wish you all of Gods love today and always. Love you muchos.

FREEDOM FROM ADDICTION II

In our previous post we discussed some of the steps to freedom, let me say at this point that in trying to be free we would fail and fall daily, its now you’re trying to be free you’ll come face to face with more temptations, the need to have Jesus in our hearts, without Jesus in our hearts when we fail we’ll get discouraged to fight, without Jesus we cant fight and win, at this point I don’t want to assume everyone reading this have asked him into their hearts  if you’ve not:   you can read through this simple prayer and if it makes enough sense to you say it to him with the whole of your heart “Dear God, I come to you today knowing that my life is pretty messy, and without you it’ll get worse, I’m sorry I’ve not acknowledged your death on Calvary but crucified you daily with my sins, I’m sorry and I ask that you come into my heart because I can’t fight and win without you. Amen”

Today we’ll be considering a few more steps to freedom from addictions

STEP 5: ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

I’ve done a whole post on boundaries you can read it here, you need to build boundries, against whatever could lead you into temptations. This might involve lifestyle changes, it involves sacrificing, my papa once told me something he said “a wise man is one that Guards against his weakness” a life without boundaries Is one that is headed for disaster, you cant do everything and anything not because they are necessarily sinful but because they could lead you where you don’t want to go.

STEP 6: BUILD YOUR PRAYER LIFE

You’re possibly wondering why I’m bringing up prayer at this point, I’m sure you’d have expected it to be the first thing I’d write, while prayer is the most important factor that could make all the difference through this struggle we have to take physical steps, if I’d put prayer a lot of people would ignore the other steps they need to take on their own and sing “Jesus take the wheel”, and pray. We need to develop a very healthy and effective prayer life it would help a lot in the journey to freedom and even living free afterwards. Make out time for just you and God, most times fasting is also necessary and helpful.

STEP 7: SOAK YOURSELF IN THE SCRIPTURES

One of my spiritual papa’s Pst Morakinyo would tell me to “eat the word” he’d say “je bi onje” translated (eat it like its food) the word is food for the soul. Daily read the word bury yourself in the word read it meditate on it, picture it to capture it when you do this it digests in your soul and your spirit man. The bible says remember your creator now in the days of your youth before the difficult days come, read the word before you’re tempted and when you are tempted the word that has been digested is what would help you, the word is Gods good new for our bad situations, feed on it and soak yourself in it and find true freedom.

STEP 8: DEPEND ON HIS GRACE

Sometime a ago my papa Morakinyo sent me an sms when I had a little struggle he simply said to me “pls depend on his grace” then I realized something we can do our best to stand but if we try to stand in our own power we’ll fall severally and if finally succeed in standing we’d fall as quickly. So today I tell someone else as well DARE TO DEPEND ON HIS GRACE as you move into freedom.

That is all for today I hope this is blessing someone, if you prayed the prayer earlier and would like to talk with us you can leave an email busayokehinde81@gmail.com or 08038044814. I’d be glad to talk with you personally and help as much as I can. Gods blessings

Xoxo Busayo

  

MY STORY

                                                                               

As I sit across from the therapist in his large office, his large mahogany desk separating us, I try to think of how I got here, how it all started where it all began, and honestly we’ve not been able to trace it, the root or the year, so he decided we revisit my childhood;” I was born into a wealthy family, I had no siblings, I enjoyed the attention of both my parents, my mom wasn’t working so she was usually with me all day, my dad was an amazing man, whenever he was around he spent all the time he could with me I was loved by a lot of people who lived around us, things were pretty normal until shortly after my 8^th birthday, mommy got a job, since I was a little older she decided to take it, she decided to employ a maid to care for me while she was at work, daddy opposed the idea, my Sunday school teacher from church lived just across with his family mommy thought that was a better idea being someone we’ve know for a long time, daddy preferred that, so everyday after school I was dropped in their house, his sisters were nice to me and took care of me and helped with my assignment, things were fine until one afternoon I got back from school and he was alone at home he helped with my assignment, afterwards he brought my lunch and brought cough syrup along with it, I told him I wasn’t sick but he insisted I took it, when I was done with my meal he made me drink half the content of the bottle, afterwards he placed me on his lap and the rest? They say its history. I was confused afterwards, I wasn’t sure who or what I was anymore, a girl? A woman? Or somewhere in between the two? I wasn’t sure I didn’t totally understand what had been done to me but I knew I was hurt and yes there was blood, but I knew it was wrong ‘cause he warned me never to tell anyone. After that day things were never the same again for me, I started to bed wet and fail very much at school, I couldn't concentrate when doing anything, to say I was confused wouldn't appropriately describe the feeling, in five minutes I had been turned from a happy child into a confused one, there was the feeling of pleasure which I couldn't understand and the same time there was a strange curiosity that had been awaken in me, when we would be watchin TV in the house and a sex scene popped mommy would change the channel however when she was not around I’d go back to watch it. To worsen things this man still taught me during Sunday school and he’ll act like nothing ever happened, this somehow gave me a different understanding of sin I felt there was nothing wrong in committing sin so long as no one knew you could still even teach children Sunday school. Ever since my first sexual encounter with my Sunday school, I started to watch porn and read erotica, however when I was much older I started to teach children Sunday school all the while still addicted to porn, it didn’t seem a problem at first until one day one of the children messed up his body in the church and I was to change his clothe immediately I undressed him if not for something that restrained me I could have tried out some of the things I’d see in some of the videos I’d seen on the innocent boy, it was then I realized I had a problem, I thought a relationship would fix it however it didn’t help, I’ve been in about six different relationships none has helped, worse is all of the guys I’ve dated are people with a broken childhood or an history of abuse, I guess I simply attracted my knid, unfortunately my secret addiction didn’t last long one day I needed a fix while I was at church and since I had my laptop with me I excused myself, I rushed into an empty class but in my hurry I forgot to lock the door, while I was in the middle of my acting out one of the other teachers walked in and caught me in the act, I was placed on probation from teaching the children and asked to undergo therapy with a Christian counselor , I’d still serve the church’s punishment when I’m through with my counseling. This is my 3^rd session; I guess we know where the problem started by now nothing ever really dies we’re kind of at a safe point now I guess I’d be out of therapy in no time”.

BUSAYO’S NOTE: hope my story today wasn’t just entertaining. A few things I hope we were able to pick are these;

·         Like the first story, seeds always grow, whatever you do in the life of another is a seed and unfortunately because it is secrete it cant be uprooted until it starts bearing fruits.

·         As a child of God even just a church goer whenever you sin you drag just more than yourself down you pull several other people with you (the Sunday school teacher gave her a wrong view of sin)we are the light of the world, people follow the light.

·         Whatever hurt you fail to deal with earlier in life would severally end up dealing with you.

·         Be careful what you feed your mind with, for out of it comes the issues of life. Guard your mind and heart with all of your strength.

·         We only attract our kind, if you’ve been in several relationships and all your partners are broken unhealthy people, check your own history.

Xoxo Busayo