As I sit across from the therapist in his large office, his
large mahogany desk separating us, I try to think of how I got here, how it all
started where it all began, and honestly we’ve not been able to trace it, the
root or the year, so he decided we revisit my childhood;” I was born into a
wealthy family, I had no siblings, I enjoyed the attention of both my parents,
my mom wasn’t working so she was usually with me all day, my dad was an amazing
man, whenever he was around he spent all the time he could with me I was loved
by a lot of people who lived around us, things were pretty normal until shortly
after my 8th birthday, mommy got a job, since I was a little older
she decided to take it, she decided to employ a maid to care for me while she
was at work, daddy opposed the idea, my Sunday school teacher from church lived
just across with his family mommy thought that was a better idea being someone
we’ve know for a long time, daddy preferred that, so everyday after school I
was dropped in their house, his sisters were nice to me and took care of me and
helped with my assignment, things were fine until one afternoon I got back from
school and he was alone at home he helped with my assignment, afterwards he
brought my lunch and brought cough syrup along with it, I told him I wasn’t
sick but he insisted I took it, when I was done with my meal he made me drink
half the content of the bottle, afterwards he placed me on his lap and the
rest? They say its history. I was confused afterwards, I wasn’t sure who or
what I was anymore, a girl? A woman? Or somewhere in between the two? I wasn’t
sure I didn’t totally understand what had been done to me but I knew I was hurt
and yes there was blood, but I knew it was wrong ‘cause he warned me never to
tell anyone. After that day things were never the same again for me, I started
to bed wet and fail very much at school, I couldn't concentrate when doing
anything, to say I was confused wouldn't appropriately describe the feeling, in
five minutes I had been turned from a happy child into a confused one, there
was the feeling of pleasure which I couldn't understand and the same time there
was a strange curiosity that had been awaken in me, when we would be watchin TV
in the house and a sex scene popped mommy would change the channel however when
she was not around I’d go back to watch it. To worsen things this man still
taught me during Sunday school and he’ll act like nothing ever happened, this
somehow gave me a different understanding of sin I felt there was nothing wrong
in committing sin so long as no one knew you could still even teach children
Sunday school. Ever since my first sexual encounter with my Sunday school, I
started to watch porn and read erotica, however when I was much older I started
to teach children Sunday school all the while still addicted to porn, it didn’t
seem a problem at first until one day one of the children messed up his body in
the church and I was to change his clothe immediately I undressed him if not
for something that restrained me I could have tried out some of the things I’d
see in some of the videos I’d seen on the innocent boy, it was then I realized
I had a problem, I thought a relationship would fix it however it didn’t help,
I’ve been in about six different relationships none has helped, worse is all of
the guys I’ve dated are people with a broken childhood or an history of abuse,
I guess I simply attracted my knid, unfortunately my secret addiction didn’t
last long one day I needed a fix while I was at church and since I had my
laptop with me I excused myself, I rushed into an empty class but in my hurry I
forgot to lock the door, while I was in the middle of my acting out one of the
other teachers walked in and caught me in the act, I was placed on probation
from teaching the children and asked to undergo therapy with a Christian
counselor , I’d still serve the church’s punishment when I’m through with my
counseling. This is my 3rd session; I guess we know where the
problem started by now nothing ever really dies we’re kind of at a safe point
now I guess I’d be out of therapy in no time”.
BUSAYO’S NOTE: hope my story today wasn’t just entertaining.
A few things I hope we were able to pick are these;
·
Like the first story, seeds always grow,
whatever you do in the life of another is a seed and unfortunately because it
is secrete it cant be uprooted until it starts bearing fruits.
·
As a child of God even just a church goer
whenever you sin you drag just more than yourself down you pull several other
people with you (the Sunday school teacher gave her a wrong view of sin)we are
the light of the world, people follow the light.
·
Whatever hurt you fail to deal with earlier in
life would severally end up dealing with you.
·
Be careful what you feed your mind with, for out
of it comes the issues of life. Guard your mind and heart with all of your
strength.
·
We only attract our kind, if you’ve been in
several relationships and all your partners are broken unhealthy people, check
your own history.
Xoxo Busayo
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