Just today I read Tito idakalu’s piece titled “the test before the testimony” where she shared the testimony on the loss of her first child, half way through the piece I started weeping (I mean real weeping, like wailing and screaming) the diagnosis on the condition of her baby took my breath away, by the time I was done reading the whole piece, the couch couldn’t contain me again I was flat on the floor, weeping, thanking God that I still had life in me, and appreciating him for all I never thanked him for the past few years.
Now anyone who is conversant with this blog knows I suffer from a range of health conditions, first I deal with sinusitis and then I also battle asthma, these conditions seem light initially until I realized the severity, the year the diagnosis came I was immediately booked for a surgery, however even after 5 head surgeries the conditions are still there. A couple months ago I was suspended from school for attending a church service outside the school and I guess that about crowned it up for me, I knew God wasn’t faithful, and God didn’t love me, I returned home totally shattered and with a resolve never to step foot in church again and yes I have sort of kept to that, I’ve attended roughly 4 church services in the last three months, and I attended because I was forced to (I still live with my father), I’d stopped my word study and prayer has been on a different level and my flesh game has been pretty strong, oh and blogging about the faithfulness of God also got boring so I left it too.
However after reading the testimony by Tito I was crushed, I could help but be encouraged once again, things may not even look like I want them to be, things may not happen like I think or expect them to, but God knows best, my life is in his hand, and if I have to hurt I can be sure that there is a balm in Gilead that would heal me of every hurt and wound. I know the year I have to spend at home would change me, I believe at the end of the suspension I would have become more than I could have been even in school, I have plans to start a fashion line within this year and I’m working on it, I have plans in motion for my first book too, and I was going to wait until I the day I launch my fashion line to declare that God is good, I was going to wait until I launched a book before saying my God reigns, but today all that changed, weather the fig blooms or not, God is good, weather I have to be in the hospital every month God is great, it doesn’t matter that I have to take routine pills daily God is awesome, I have life therefore I have hope, I believe in God, I believe in his word he says his plans for me are good I hold on to that bit of truth, he promised that all things are coming together for my good and yes I know they are. Its not exactly easy to say this but it is totally true. Do I wish thing were different and I was healthy and everything was okay with me? Yes I honestly do… but then I know his ways are not mine so I choose to rest in him, if the way with Christ is rough and would bruise me I choose it, because I know when I can’t walk again he’ll carry me to the end, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I believe in that light. With all my heart I scream with the loudest of whispers, I serve a God who’s awesome, I serve a God who has given me dreams even in the midst of my dark days, I know there is light, I may not see it but he does, so I’ll walk with him.
Love
Busayo
