GUARD YOUR HEART

The bible says to guard our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. This has proved to be beyond true in my experience. Today my concern on guarding heart is not in relation to sin in the heart but on who you allow into your heart.
In the past I allowed this guy into my life for the sake of this piece we’ll call him Ethan, he was a great person to me, in my mind I was on cloud nine, I dreamed of the perfect life with him, now I knew he was possibly not the one but it looked good enough, I told myself I knew I would be possibly hurt but I was going to enjoy the ride, before Ethan I had never cared about anyone, I had never loved anyone so much, i had heart for only Ethan, I looked up to him, he was like God to me, it you ask me I had found love, and it wasn’t totally my fault, Ethan was caring, he made me realize I had the ability to love a person totally and I could trust. I had spent a great part of my life not trusting so when he came and I felt all these I was sure he was the one so I let my guards down and let him in. then somewhere along the line trouble came and he left me. His leaving hurt me not as much as his replacing me with other girls, he left me in the cold and my heart was hurt. The problem now isn’t his leaving but what his leaving has turned me into. I’m no longer the loving or caring person I was trying to be, I’m worse off, before him I was learning to care but after him I don’t even ever want to care or love because I keep feeling like everyone I love would leave me, I have more trouble trusting because the one I trusted let me down. I have grown into a hardened lady because I let the wrong person in.  But it’s not fair and I know but I can’t shake the insecurity away I’m pained and in my pain I keep transferring the pain to as many people I meet, I see a circle of pain and it’s because I let my guard down.  It’s a pity that whoever I would end up marrying may have a lot to deal with because I didn’t guard my heart, it’s been a while but the pain is still there, we never dated but his closeness had me and his leaving crushed me, it was one of those pseudo-relationships and he was a church nigga!
People guard your heart, be watchful who you let in, don’t let your feeling cause you to hurt. I wrote in my journal “if I give all that is meant for dear future hubby to another man what would be left for him when he comes?” sometimes I’m tempted to think there is something so intrinsically, uncontrollably evil about men that makes it so easy for them to act the way they do, the unsaved ones treating women wrong and the church dudes pretending and shredding hearts so conveniently. Whatever it is about them I don’t know but I am certainly sure there are a few good men.

LOVE N SUFFERING: WHAT RELATIONSHIP?

So I never knew suffering was one of the criteria a woman must meet in order to get married or even be marriable until lately. A week ago I drank garri and I woke up in the clinic now you’re possibly wondering how that happened I’ll explain, my health doesn’t permit me to drink Garri it I drink garri it makes me have difficulty  breathing, oh plus my skin too, I have a very sensitive skin, if someone hits me hard or holds me too tight, it would leave marks on my skin, one day someone looked me in the face and said, Busayo, no man can even marry you oh, and I’m like why? And she goes if something happens now and he hits you, everybody will know that he hit you, you can’t even suffer sef, I was amazed that someone could think of that, but more I felt pity for her I mean how could you even have a mindset that a man would even beat you, and why would I just believe I need to learn how to drink garri to be marriable, for the most part I like garri but for my condition I can’t take garri and I’m not even about to learn the act of drinking garri all in the name of love. Please don’t misquote me, I’m not saying I’m not prepared to learn to MANAGE if things ever go wrong, if things do go wrong we could take pap (akamu) and akara instead of garri and cream our body with whatever oil is left after frying akara, but the ideology that you have to be suffer head before a marriage is highly unnecessary and annoying. While I was in secondary school, I went for an entrance examination somewhere and a teacher there was trying to ride on me and I would have none of it so I gave him a piece of my mind and he got offended and started ranting and all, somewhere along the line he realized I wasn’t about to apologize because I knew I was right and he let me go, a lady who saw what happened afterwards called me to advise me, and she said you don’t have and opinion as a woman, if you’re married and your husband says something even if you don’t like it you have to take it else he’ll just beat you, you should learn not to voice your opinion or defend your right every time or you’ll never find a man to marry you, or he’ll be beating you. As I left that place I almost made up my mind not to ever get married because there was no way I was having all that but now I know better, I don’t have to be opinion less when it comes to marriage, I should have an opinion, the things is I should be able to leave it open to my man’s input and final decision, I don’t have to be silent because I now have a man.
 It’s no wonder we don’t even have so many submissive women we have on one hand the suffer head wives; the ones who allow men to rule, dominate and intimidate them, and on the other hand we have those who are almost men themselves, who would totally refuse to suffer and in the process try to be men themselves; they want to have strong opinions, they want to decide for themselves, they do not want to be dominated so they try to dominate others.
  Once I was with a friend and out of the blues he just said “Busayo you know, the person that would go out with you and ultimately marry you has to have money o, you can’t even suffer” now I wasn’t sure what that was about, well I just continued on my way, I’m not trying to be all high maintenance but personally I believe you teach people how to treat you, I don’t look like I can suffer? It’s because I’m not meant for suffering, God forbid that I suffer in the name of love. Any many looking for a woman that will suffer with him is certainly not my own Boaz, my own Boaz is looking for a woman he’ll take care of and not one he’ll take to suffer with him, and for me; Ruth if time comes and we have to ever manage I’m always going to be there willing and able to manage but as per suffering count me out, I will never suffer or slave around in the name of love.

ON FAITH

I was in church one Tuesday afternoon for a special service, during the service the pastor told a story of how a woman was ill for several years and one day she was prayed for and she dropped all her drugs at the altar and she was healed instantly. And her royal copycat (ME) heard the testimony and decided to 'follow the ladder' to the miraculous so when the service was over I stayed back a few minutes and there on my seat mumbled a few lines or something the seemed like a prayer, Then I got up did the right ‘spiritual’ pose ensured there was tears in my eyes to add more effect, and walked to the front of the church, (covers face in shame lol) I knelt by the altar like the woman with the issue of blood I brought out my two inhalers and dropped them by the altar assumed I was healed and I went home and started doing over do, I did everything an asthmatic patient shouldn’t do lmao in this Busayo’s mind she was a woman of faith! Oh how stupid I must have seemed, Jesus must have had a filled day watching my drama, well as you expect less than 2 hours after I got home I had an attack and I almost lost my life, I had  four crazy attack episodes right after the other within less than 24 hours and I was still forming faith there, I didn't know how it worked but I just assumed maybe if I didn't use the inhaler God will heal me himself but I didn't believe he would, well thank God for Jesus in the end my specialist was called upon and he said to tell me to use my seretide inhaler, my dad got me a new one and one puff was all it took and I was relaxed. Lmaooo may copy copy not send me and you to our untimely graves in Jesus name.
It took that experience and plenty other stupid ones for me to realize that faith and copy copy are totally two different things, some people wonder why something's do not work for them while it works for others, it’s not because you are of lesser faith its because God works in us differently for his glory, some of the things some of we do in the name of faith thinking we are spiritual is just plain copy copy, I mean Shola fasted 10 days and God answered her I'll now decide to do 20 days and when I don’t see any manifestation I'd now start quoting Ecclesiastes 3, “there is time for everything” nigga God might want to speak to me while I'm are eating and until I sit to eat he wouldn’t say nothing so if I like i can increase my fast to 50 days I'll only be wasting my time. i mean that something works for one person doesn’t make it a law, abi was it only the woman with the issue of blood that touched Jesus’ cloth that day? They were plenty but she got the blessing I’m sure some others must have started to touch the cloth too to see what will happen lol, faith isn’t trial,  faith is belief, it’s not she did it maybe I should try, its God said it and I believe it. Now how do you get the faith that is not borne out of copy copy, tarry with God let him tel you what to do per time and for your own situation and its that simple. Faith is God teaching you how to receive from him, God would give you a method that would give you the blessing you need at the time, until you can do this may of us will just be copying other peoples ways and be frustrated when it doesn’t seem to be working and we’ll start saying yeye things like maybe the person was even lying……….. Faith is more of personal than popular

I STILL WORK: I AM A CHRISTIAN BUT I STRUGGLE

     Hi guys it’s been a while oo, I hope you all have been doing good as can be, like on a serious note I trust you all have been basking in God’s grace this year because it’s all that would carry us through, I pray God’s presence e with you and lead you, I pray you feel the weight of Gods enormous love through this year, I ask that the God who has kept you this far would do all it takes to keep you further, while everyone is anticipating trouble God will stand for you, you are represented  by God in the other realm, I ask that every struggle in your life finds its end today, I speak on your behalf to the heavens, the lard stands as your rock of offence, everything that tries to work against you would be jammed by the rock of offence and be ground into fine powder Jesus will stand up for you every day, every hour, every minute, and every second of your life. Oya I’ve pray enough before anyone begins to think we’re having as sort of prayer service here I just felt the need to speak God over you all.
     Well my inspiration for today is a picture I saw on twitter, it was a picture of a vending machine with a broken light however it had an inscription “the light is broken but I still work” it seemed funny at first but when I got thinking I realized it was a simple message to me and to all of us. We may not seem to have our lights in different forms but we still function and that’s the main concept. I’ll be writing it in different forms today I’ll write on I’m a Christian but I still struggle be encouraged.
    I’m a Christian and I love God, I believe in his word and all but I struggle with fear, I struggle with sin, I struggle with loving people, I struggle with being committed to relationship, I struggle with trusting, I struggle with keeping God’s commandments, I struggle with my temper, I struggle with pride, I struggle with letting my own opinions be higher than God’s own, I struggle with caring genuinely for others, I struggle with my sexuality e.t.c I have no idea what your struggle maybe don’t ever let anyone lead you to believe that you are too saved to struggle its why the scripture has helps for our struggle, Jesus knows this world is hard he knows you will have struggles that is why is word is filled with scriptural helps so you’ll know you are not alone, so you know he is not out of touch with your reality, scripture is filled with help so you’ll know you are not too saved to struggle with whatever it is you struggle with. The light may be broken (you may have some struggles) but you are still working (you are still saved). All you need do is let Jesus help you with your struggles because your struggle doesn’t negate your salvation.
Love very much
Busayo

STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART

I really have no title for this piece, but I wrote it with all of my heart, I just got up from a nap, picked up my system and here we are, please read and be blessed;
   
25 Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised. 26 If those who are not circumcised keep the law's requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? 27 The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the c written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.
                                                                                                                            -ROMANS 2:25-27
For most people virginity is like that code that makes you a good person, if you are still a virgin you’re such a good person and if you’re not a virgin hell no you’re so evil and all, well during my  bible study I learnt something new, the hymen in no way makes you a good person, virginity has value if your mind is also purified, but if you have an unrefined mind your hymen’s presence is of no use you’re like the one who’s sleeping around, because if non virgins are purified in their minds then really what’s the point? I write this specifically for those who through unfortunate circumstances have lost theirs or those who through carelessness have lost it; some would struggle with feelings of worthlessness and filthiness; with or without the hymen you’re worth so much more than diamond. Now I don’t mean those who are virgins should go out and throw it to the next guy because I said it’s the heart that matters, the bible still says;
   
What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? 2 Much in every way!
                                                                                                   - Rom 3:1-2
There are advantages to being a virgin, but if you’re already not one what can you do about it? You can’t ‘unsleep’ with the people you have slept with, you can’t undo your mess but you can decide to say no more until the right time, I like how Juanita Bynum puts it, she says “I’m openly confessing that I’ve allowed many men go through me but from now no more sheets” that’s it! Don’t even allow anyone look down on you because they can say “I’m a virgin” with so much confidence and you can’t, you are special even without your virginity.

Now I believe there is something called pseudo-virginity, look at Ezekiel 23:1-3
“The word of the Lord came again unto me, saying,
2 Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother:
3 And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity”
so in the middle of your blabs on how you’re a virgin because of your intact hymen, don’t be fooled, the whole smooching, fore-play, making out, sucking in the back seat of a car and all, has tampered with it, maybe no real penetration occurred, but there was arousal, there was possible climax, do you have any idea the spiritual implications of that. So before you throw out the statement I’m a virgin examine yourself and be sure you’re not just a pseudo-virgin, because really what’s the point being in the middle? I’m either one or not. But if you’re not one you can decide today to say, yes people have passed through me, but from today I say enough, you’re pseudo please don’t go out and throw the hymen Jesus still cares, and if you’re still a virgin please guard it, keep it for the one who God will want you to give it to.  
Love,
Busayo
 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

This year I have no fears
I’ve spent all my fear on Jesus
I’m not afraid of what could be or happen in future
Because he who has started the good work in my life is totally able to perform it until the day of Christ
I’m not afraid of relationships or commitment
Because I’m engraced by the most high, and he gives me power to love
I’m not afraid of crying
Because I know weeping may endure for the night but Joy would come in the morning
I’m not afraid to love
Because I’ve spent my love on Jesus and he has spent his love on me too
If he loves me who is man that I should worry
I’m not scared that I would fail
I have the spirit of excellence
I’m not scared of being alone
Because Jesus stays “he is with me till the end of the age”
I’m not scared that things may not be good to me within the year
I’m sure they’ll be good for me
I’m not scared for the future
Because God’s plans for me are for good and not of evil to give me my expected future
All things are working for me this year
I live in the immersion of grace
I’m the expression of Jesus
I won’t give up
Jesus won’t give up on me
I trust Jesus
I have Jesus
I’m not scared for you my dear readers
Because if God’s got me covered, he’s certainly got you covered
So I see Jesus in our lives this year
I welcome you to 2015, your year of Excellence, of wisdom and of Grace
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Love
Busayo