So I never knew suffering was one of the criteria a woman must meet in order to get married or even be marriable until lately. A week ago I drank garri and I woke up in the clinic now you’re possibly wondering how that happened I’ll explain, my health doesn’t permit me to drink Garri it I drink garri it makes me have difficulty breathing, oh plus my skin too, I have a very sensitive skin, if someone hits me hard or holds me too tight, it would leave marks on my skin, one day someone looked me in the face and said, Busayo, no man can even marry you oh, and I’m like why? And she goes if something happens now and he hits you, everybody will know that he hit you, you can’t even suffer sef, I was amazed that someone could think of that, but more I felt pity for her I mean how could you even have a mindset that a man would even beat you, and why would I just believe I need to learn how to drink garri to be marriable, for the most part I like garri but for my condition I can’t take garri and I’m not even about to learn the act of drinking garri all in the name of love. Please don’t misquote me, I’m not saying I’m not prepared to learn to MANAGE if things ever go wrong, if things do go wrong we could take pap (akamu) and akara instead of garri and cream our body with whatever oil is left after frying akara, but the ideology that you have to be suffer head before a marriage is highly unnecessary and annoying. While I was in secondary school, I went for an entrance examination somewhere and a teacher there was trying to ride on me and I would have none of it so I gave him a piece of my mind and he got offended and started ranting and all, somewhere along the line he realized I wasn’t about to apologize because I knew I was right and he let me go, a lady who saw what happened afterwards called me to advise me, and she said you don’t have and opinion as a woman, if you’re married and your husband says something even if you don’t like it you have to take it else he’ll just beat you, you should learn not to voice your opinion or defend your right every time or you’ll never find a man to marry you, or he’ll be beating you. As I left that place I almost made up my mind not to ever get married because there was no way I was having all that but now I know better, I don’t have to be opinion less when it comes to marriage, I should have an opinion, the things is I should be able to leave it open to my man’s input and final decision, I don’t have to be silent because I now have a man.
It’s no wonder we don’t even have so many submissive women we have on one hand the suffer head wives; the ones who allow men to rule, dominate and intimidate them, and on the other hand we have those who are almost men themselves, who would totally refuse to suffer and in the process try to be men themselves; they want to have strong opinions, they want to decide for themselves, they do not want to be dominated so they try to dominate others.
Once I was with a friend and out of the blues he just said “Busayo you know, the person that would go out with you and ultimately marry you has to have money o, you can’t even suffer” now I wasn’t sure what that was about, well I just continued on my way, I’m not trying to be all high maintenance but personally I believe you teach people how to treat you, I don’t look like I can suffer? It’s because I’m not meant for suffering, God forbid that I suffer in the name of love. Any many looking for a woman that will suffer with him is certainly not my own Boaz, my own Boaz is looking for a woman he’ll take care of and not one he’ll take to suffer with him, and for me; Ruth if time comes and we have to ever manage I’m always going to be there willing and able to manage but as per suffering count me out, I will never suffer or slave around in the name of love.
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