HARDER???? STRONGER?????

           Hey y’all I love to write, I doubt there is anything else that gives me that much joy, however when I write I write sometimes on things I’ve heard about, sometimes on things I imagine, other times on things I read about, and mostly on thing I have experienced. Of all the things I write on of all the things that inspire my writing the one I love the most is when I write out of experience. When I write out of my experience I feel its way easier and the purpose of this blog is achieved; “if God could bring her through, he’ll bring me too”. I’ve learnt that for the most part my experiences aren’t just for me, they also include everyone who drops by. This piece is one of such experience inspired posts…..enjoy
     Over the past year I’ve written so many things in relation to how my health witnessed a terrible downward shift. When I started to have pain it was scary, I’d cry at the slightest sign of pain, but gradually I stopped crying if there was pain I developed a new method of pain killer abuse that works faster than the medically approved method so I stuck with it, now a lot of people would think that pain grows after a while, in reality it never really happens at least not on this side of heaven, we just get used to it and for some of us it makes us stronger and others makes us harder. I got used to being in pain at some point that even when pain was at its peak I wouldn’t  shed a tear, people would be like “Busayo you’re so strong” and I was unmoved, gradually nothing fazed me again. I thought that was strength but it wasn’t, strong people have compassion, I had no iota of that it was a struggle to show I even cared about and for anyone, I was so hard and direct I could just spill out anything I wanted to without caring about other people’s feelings; that’s not strength that’s just being callous, strong people have empathy but I didn’t if anything else I’d say I was simply straight up mean. Nobody was worth my time, my care, my trust, my love or anything else for that matter. Now aside my health life had hurt me on so many other sides and I had closed up every wound and pretended it never happened and that was why I was hard. Know this “strong people are the ones who have healed; hard people are the ones who have covered”.
        I however came to realize how hard I was, until I could so casually throw around the word I love you without even a hint of care for the person, but that was just a little. Worse was when my friend had a cold and I wasn’t concerned I’d had worse colds and so I was wondering why she was all acting dying, I offered her drugs and she goes “I don’t like drugs” to say the least I was irritated, for me what is so hard about taking drugs I take drugs every day so when someone says they can’t I’m like “okay! Then die”.
      Strength is what Jesus has that even after the cross he still has compassion for our little pains enough to be with us through it. Strength is empathy, love, care, patience, understanding, joy, peace and strength. In the words of Louisa May  
“Painful as it may be a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that servers us and those around us- more effectively. Look for the learning.”
Strength is in the learning. I have no idea what pain some of you have had to endure to be here today, but I know you’re here you have the strength to be strong, but you need to heal first only then can you really get strength, let go let God, be healed and be strong. Evaluate your life are you really strong or are you just hard enough to go through each day. Hard thing get broken in the end and you never want to know what that even feels like.
Love always
Busayo.
Ps: I'm always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com and God is always a prayer away.