SICK ON A SUNDAY: MY GREATEST STRUGGLE EVER
So the post for Saturday came really late, in fact I posted
it early hours of today at 12:32am to be precise which should not have been. I
already had another post ready for yesterday but that one came and I felt it
was more pressing so I decided to do it, I had to go out at 12:32 this morning
to seek network to post the write up and as I did that God told me something
which I’ll share one of these days.
Today’s write
up is actually more of a continuation of yesterdays own with a few more
adjustments. Enjoy!
Its Sunday morning
and I wake up with severe headaches I really should go to church but the
headache is so strong I can literarily feel my head pounding, mum comes
upstairs to call me, but on sighting me she also thinks I need to rest so she
suggests I stay at home, I know what happens when I stay alone so I tell her I
can manage I, she insists and shola my older sister offers to stay with me at
home, so the rest of the family goes off. After assisting me to have my bath
and breakfast shola tells me she wants to go and see her friends (friends I
hate anyway) and off she goes with a promise to be back home before our parents
return, and I go back to bed after a while I wake up and the real headache is
gone, all that is left is the other type of headache, the one I had last night
I ask God to take it away it doesn’t go, I decide to leave my room as I get to
the bottom of the stairs my eye meets
something familiar I walk over and pick it up, its dads bottle of red wine, he
never leaves it lying around why is it here? Then that voice tells me to take
it that its all I need I recognize the voice it’s the one I hear every time I
fall, I know where all tis is leading I’ve been down this road severally however
I listen to the voice anyway because it the easy way out of all its torment so
I open the bottle and begin gulping and as I begin to calm down the guilt and
shame come over me and I sit on the floor there wondering why did I decide to
fall ill on a Sunday? Why? And as I sit on the floor there covered in guilt
shola walks in and says HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?
OR MAYBE FOR
YOU
Its
Sunday morning and I wake up feeling really feverish, I really should go to
church but my head aches so much that I can literarily feel my head pounding,
mum comes upstairs to call me, but on sighting me she also thinks I need to
rest so she suggests I stay at home, I know what happens when I stay alone so I
tell her I can manage she however insists so I oblige, a few hours after they
leave when I can manage to stand I have a warm shower and a few minutes later
my fever breaks and I feel a lot better, there is no light so there is really
nothing to do so I decide to surf the net maybe face book, or twitter or I
could even listen to a sermon online I tell myself so I pick up my laptop and
begin to browse I check face book first no one I’d love to chat with is online,
I move to twitter its all the same regular tweet so I move on to YouTube I
really don’t know which preacher I’d even love to listen but I’ll check anyway,
as the homepage open I see a blurry video it’s a 3 minutes clip I know what it
contains all too well but I act to myself like I don’t know and open it, there
is really nothing in the video but it arouses me again since there is a link to
see the full video, I follow the link, the link is however a website I know too
much and I know what it contains, but I force my mind to act like it doesn’t
and open the link and as I watch the full video my heart keeps beating in that
rhythm of guilt but I don’t stop because my desire is not yet satisfied and
when I hit my peek 5 minutes into the video the guilt come and I quickly hit
that big re X on the right hand side of the screen I shut down my system and sit
there and ask myself the very same question why did I decide to be sick on a
Sunday?
OR PHERAPS
Its Sunday
morning and I wake up feeling all cold and I feel like I,d break if I leave my
bed so I decided to miss church for that day while all my roommate go to church
I begin to shiver I think I need somebody to be with me in case I need to be
take to the hospital so I call the only person I’m sure wouldn’t be in church
and wouldn’t mind coming- my boyfriend, I call him and he agrees to come, while
there he says he thinks its stress and offers to massage my body I know what we
always do whenever he makes that offer and I’ve told God I wasn’t going to do
it again, that’s why I barely spend time with him but today I need him around
me for my own good I think so I let him massage and from then we do it again
and as he starts to dress and leave as my roommates would soon return I sit and
ask myself why did I choose to have a cold on a Sunday of all days? And then
the guilt and shame comes I’ve denied the lover of my soul again for a one
night stand with an oppressive overlord.
I could give
several more examples but this post I already getting too long, for a lot of
people reading you possibly think it’s the fault of any one of these people however
for people who have been in any of these situations you’ll understand better
that most times when you get into such situations there are several ways out
but we as humans are always looking for an easy way out and most times the
easier way is the sinful way. I’m trusting that God would help every one of us
see his own way out.
And to those who
have fallen into any of these or similar situations today or previously embrace
his grace, and when next you have to skip out on God get things that would occupy
you, read more of the word and it’ll help you through temptation no matter how
strong, also decide not to catch up on sin and decide to catch up on God in
your closet. May his grace see you through.
Xoxo honeydrops
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