FALLING ON A SATURDAY
I spent the whole Saturday thinking of what to
write on but as the day came to an end something came up its quite personal and
something I can really relate to. Hopefully there is one or two of you that can
relate to any of these situations. Enjoy
Its Saturday night, I’ve had a really long and tiring day, meetings in
the church, home cleaning, weekly shopping, cooking, youth group meeting, choir
practice, name I’m so exhausted finally I get into my room and its time to get
my dress ready for church, when the head ache comes, it’s not the normal type
of headache it’s the one that comes whenever I’m overworked, tired or in need
of a quick fix. I know what would fix it, the very thing that keeps getting me
into trouble with everyone and even with God- the bottle. I know it’s wrong but
for now it’s necessary I need it if I’m going to get anything done- and I need
to get a lot of things done. So here is what I’d do I’ll take just a cup of
vodka but I’ll dilute it so its effect won’t
be all that strong on me, I rummage through my trunk sure that somehow I’ve
still got at least a bottle down there, I find it anyway and start to drink it,
after the first cup I feel my nerves begin to relax when my eyes drift
aimlessly around my room and catches my bible on my dresser and the guilt of
what I had just done comes strongly and is about to choke me I pick up the
bottle of vodka run to the bathroom and pour it away, I move back into my room
throw myself on the bed and cover my head with my pillow, hoping I’ll wake up
tomorrow and realize that it was all something from a horrible dream, that the
mouth that is supposed to sing for Christ tomorrow didn’t just have a quick
fix, a quick minutes of weakness, but he
truth hits me square even as I try to force sleep to come, I JUST DID IT AGAIN.
Its Saturday night, I’ve had a really long and tiring day, meetings in
the church, home cleaning, weekly shopping, cooking, youth group meeting, choir
practice, name I’m so exhausted finally I get into my room and its time to get
my dress ready for church, when the head ache comes, it’s not the normal type
of headache it’s the one that comes whenever I’m overworked, tired or in need
of a quick fix. I know what would fix it, the very thing that keeps getting me
into trouble with everyone and even with God- PORNOGRAPHY, its just going to
give me a quick orgasm without necessarily committing the grave sin of
fornication, next to my bed is my laptop there is free wifi so I sieze the
opportunity to quickly fix myself I sit on my bed and turn on my laptop
thinking to myself “I shouldn’t be doing this and saying lord I’m sorry” but I
do it anyway it’s a 9 minutes video but 5 minutes into the video I hit my peak
and as I feel myself relax so does the guilt wash over me, I quickly click the
’X’ button on the top right side of the screen, shut down my laptop and run
into the shower wishing I could somehow wash the whole thing out nothing
happens in the shower, I run out and throw myself under my comforter, hoping
that somehow I’ll wake up and it would turn out to e something from a horror
nightmare, but no its not, the truth is I DID IT AGAIN.
A lot of people can relate to similar circumstances might not be exactly
either of the above scenarios but similar, I know the feeling of falling on a
Saturday all too well to deny it exists at all, we all fall into sin once in a
while but falling on a Saturday night is just so different it’s just
so………………I’m really at a loss for words to explain the feeling I mean I’ve done
wrong stuff every other day felt guilty and pleaded for mercy and felt okay but
for Saturday it just different. But here is what I’ve realized i can choose to
go to church the next day and lift up holy hands like nothing ever happened
while guilt eats up at me, or i can choose to go in all brokenness to the one
who can fix it all and let him fix me and cover me in his grace and give me
strength to resist next time. The choice really is our but trust me the second
option is better because ignoring it won’t make it go anyway.
Have a fulfilled Sunday and just embrace his grace.
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