DEAR BOAZ: SELF ESTEEM AND SETTLING FOR LESS I recently heard about a woman who had been separated from her husband for many years. They no longer lived in the same house, but every day, he would come over and have her iron his shirts and make him breakfast. One of the women in the room asked her why she kept holding on to him. Why she let him come over and dictate her life when he didn’t want to be a part of her life. “I guess I feel, I don’t deserve– I don’t deserve to be happy.” That realization stunned her. It brought her to tears. She had been punishing herself for making the ‘bad decisions’ that got her into this situation. As I watched that show I remembered my relationship with Dipo, he was one of the most amazing men I’d ever known he was totally my Mr. Boaz, 6ft,light skinned, sexy, he had a really amazing voice, and cute dimples that left me confused every time he smiled at me in short he was my knight in shining amour, however Dipo was fine and he knew it and would always remind me of that and the fact that many other girls would be willing to have him or even share him with me and how he was managing me whenever we had an argument, our relationship was one I couldn’t even understand myself but if someone as fine as Dipo could decide to manage me I just had to please him, Dipo was practically the most uncaring guy I’d ever met but after several failed relationship, anyone was good enough for me. He would snap at me at any point in time he wanted and I’ll be the one to apologized to him for misbehaving and feeling sad over him yelling at me, while we dated I was 70% the giver and I always made do with whatever measly 30% he offered now and then, I’d lap it up like a thirsty kitten, grateful for the occasional love thrown my way, not really love just gifts, he cheated and cheated on me up till the point I was now grateful to be called or visited, he turned my into a shadow of myself a crazed out girl. Eventually he broke up with me himself telling me he didn’t deserve me. I never imagined myself begging a guy but I begged Dipo that I wasn’t complaining I was willing to manage. No Dipo passed on my offer and eventually we broke up. Shortly after we broke up I was listening to a message on attractiveness when the pastor talked about self esteem he talked about the Israelite spies who went out to spy a land saw giants and ran back saying “they were as ants before themselves and that was how the people saw them” then I realized that it was how I saw myself Dipo saw mw all along, the reason he was able to treat me the way he did. Now here’s a little piece to all single people have a healthy self esteem the way you see your self is the way your partner would address you, if you go acting like you are looking for love and you don’t mind getting it from anyone and anything you would also be treated so. Also that you are single doesn’t make you any less human or special therefore you need not settle for less.