WHEN GOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

I still miss my papa so much, he was the best friend I ever had, he made some of the nicest  cookies for me on the weekends, I remember how he used to take my brothers and I for walks in the evenings, he’ll tell us stories and teach us songs about heaven and Jesus and how much he loved us. Papa was a pastor in the church and very much the pastor at home, he was busy most of the time, but when he was home there was nothing better.

   I’ll never forget the day he returned from work with the devastating medical report, I really didn’t know what was wrong, but I sensed all was unwell as we sat at the table, papa seemed more enthusiastic than I had ever seen him, he wanted to sing, play and even had everyone of us take a bite of his chicken, he reminded us of how much he loved each of us and how blessed he felt having us in his life. After dinner papa called us together for the family devotion after we read the bible and all papa broke the news to us, he had been diagnosed with a severe health condition which left him few months to live, I was hurt I couldn’t say anything, but the tears said it all, papa couldn’t go yet, who was going to call me Ejura the way he did? Who was going to sing to me with a funny voice? Who was going to walk down the aisle with me on my wedding day? Plenty questions were running through my head so much I didn’t even hear anything he said, when the prayer was over I sat there next to papa with tears in my eyes and asked papa why God allowed him to be ill, and why he would allow him die, papa too me in his arms and said “Ejura we wouldn’t always understand it all, but weather we do or not always believe that God is always in control and he only wants the best for us, and he loves us, but occasionally other things may happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loves us” he told me not to be mad at God because he is and would always be king.

    Within three months papas condition got worse, he started having trouble remembering stuff, the worse was he couldn’t even remember who we were I was hurt when I had to introduce myself to papa and even tell him I was his daughter, mom was broken when she had to keep reminding him she was his wife, I saw hurt in papas face each time we introduced ourselves , my brothers were worse, I’d never seen them sad before but when they had to introduce themselves to papa, they had tears in their eyes. A few weeks later papas tears gland dried up his eyes were dry and irritated.

On the day papa died, mom, my brothers and myself rallied around his bed mom, I and one of my brothers sang the hymn “HOW GREAT THOU ART” while my second brother played the guitar as we sang I had my eyes closed I saw images of papa when I was younger, how he’ll play with me, how I’ll cry at night when papa travelled and he’ll call mom and speak to me up until I slept, I was hurt, there were tears in my eyes, I opened my eyes and there it was the miracle, papa had tears in his eyes, he couldn’t cry because his glands were dry, but as his final hours drew near he had tears in his eyes, then suddenly he opened his eyes, his expression held some form of recognition he confirmed it as he said my mom’s name and gave her his ever amazing smile, he turned to me and said my name in his ever prolific way, he called my brothers as well, he told us he loved us so much and would have loved to stay with us but heaven was much more better, he told us he longed for the day we would all be together again for the most exciting long lasting reunion of all, but until then he was glad he’d gotten the chance to share life with us, and that he would forever love us, everyone had tears in their eyes when he was done none could say a word we all hugged him, when we were done hugging him I had gained a little composure, I told him I loved him and how much he meant to me and how I was going the spend the rest of my life loving and holding on to the God he so held on to, so somehow in the end we’ll be together forever. Papa hugged me again and asked my brother to play the tune of the song “GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS” while we sang the hymn papas eyes kept on shutting and opening like on who was fighting sleep, only this time he wasn’t fight sleep he was fighting death, while we sang the last verse of the hymn I saw papa finally give in, with a big smile on his face papa laid still, forever still.

   I’m not sure God made sense to me in those weeks of papas illness but as the end drew nearer a few things began to make sense to me, and I those final hours with papa, God did make sense, papas life was only a reflection of heaven here on earth, and if nothing else I should be thankful God allowed me to share in his life, even if only briefly. I still miss him, I love him and sometimes I have questions. I know I have a father who is Christ, I know God is in control, I know God is king, I know even if and in the moment I see no sense God would always make all the sense, and if nothing else, I have that to hold on to.

Xoxo Busayo

NOTE:

Trust you have been blessed by this story, for a while and as long as I can I’d be dropping stories of when God doesn’t seem to make sense. I’m sure a whole lot of people would be blessed and encouraged by all of these stories.

Plus this is a purely fictional story and resemblance or similarities in names to anyone is purely coincidental.

BTW if you'll like to share your story on here you can contact me busayokehinde81@gmail.com or busayokehinde32@yahoo.com