2015

In March 2015 I made a few poor choices and ended up suspended from school, you add we although I made a poor choice my punishment was far too grave and so I was pained, I was hurt and very angry.

But in my pain I decided that I had to return to school way better than I left, there was no way I was staying home for an entire year and returning to school the same, so strong was my drive to make the most of my suspension I started taking fashion classes again and in a month I was making dresses, my father trying to help me got me a sewing machine and like that in the midst of a seemingly bad season I got the one thing I had desired all my life: a sewing machine and I learned to sew. If there's anything I have learned from my life it's that you can't stop God from blessing you, the blessing just don't care if it's meant to come to you it will come to you even in your low estate.

As though that was not enough I recalled to school before my suspension was over and took my exams over the summer of 2015 and by October 2015 I resumed my final year at school with my mates. And so continued my sewing journey, I'd continually document my dresses, my inspirations as time goes.

Love,
Yellow peppermint

Details.
Skirt and crop top: yellow peppermint
Sandals: My sister's

LETS START AT THE VERY BEGINNING

When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you begin with Do, re, mi
And when you sew you begin with China White(insert laughing emoticon here)

Let's start at the actual beginning, right from when I was a child creating things always meant a lot to me, I excelled the most at creative writing, and then I was found decorating my house with paper or ribbon decorations, so it's no shock to many that I make dresses now or that I write, the shock however is the fact that I have a B.sc in economics and not mass communication or some other creativity inclined course.

I have a lot of sewing tales I remember mutilating a dress that was made for me because I wanted to make it look a certain way, I and then I saw high school Musical and loved this white dress Gabriella wore and decided I was going to make it for myself so little brave me picked up a China white fabric, and this fabric wasn't even mine it was for my sister's home economics practical but who cares anyway I had a dream an nothing was going to destroy my dream, I couldn't lay my hands on scissors so I used razor blade to cut the fabric (I feel you judging me), well after cutting I couldn't find a white thread and I couldn't ask my mommy (if it's you will you ask?) so I picked a blue thread I found and used blue thread to sew a white dress because I could have needless to say my experiment didn't turn out as I envisaged but I couldnt be deterred I moved right ahead to cutting my mommy's wrappers into dresses that just never turned out right.

I continued with my experiments until the summer after my first year in university when I decided to begin sewing classes, but my instructor was rude and I was(keyword:WAS) proud so I stopped attending after one week. Before you judge me she was always sending me on ridiculous errands like "go and buy me blade" "Go and buy lining" e.t.c and then I looked at the people she had been teaching for months they were clueless about sewing and she was always sending them to cook for her and stuff I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me I was going to graduate to cook all because I wanted to learn sewing, also she wasn't educated so her English was a mess and unfortunately I'm not really comfortable with poor English (I have stopped chatting with people on several occasions simply because they said "where do you base") so I with shoulders held high left the place and continued my second class sewing in my father's house.

And so it was, I continued with my hand sewing and hilarious cutting practice until 2015, the year everything changed.

Love,
Yellow peppermint

BEFORE THE MINERS INTERRUPTED

Almost two weeks ago I decided to begin blogging on this page again, you see the last time I was here I was an undergrad trying to find a safe spot for my inexperienced feet however right here now everything has changed I'm in a truly blissful season I'm running a growing women's ministry called the unspoken women, I'm making dresses under the name "Yellow peppermint" and I'm currently serving as well. Its my intention to use this blog to share my journey as a writer, a tailor, an economist and every other thing God graces me to do.

Now about the 'goldminers' they aren't really gold miners they are armed robbers they visited my house on the 23rd of February I call them gold miners as they kept asking for gold and diamond when they came. They made away with my laptop, prior to that day I had created two posts for this blog but then they disrupted my plans. My heart is broken over my lost laptop but my Anchor holds and I'm convinced that all is well that the dreams that the laptop carried will still be realized, like my friend Sintiki said to me yesterday "you wrote everything on that laptop you will get more inspiration out of you shall flow rivers of living waters" I'm strongly holding on to that word it's hard but God's got this.

Just incase you're wondering why a lost laptop should hurt thud much here's a clue I have spent the last two months putting together my first novel it was almost completed that evening and would have been sent to my cloud but I got tired and decided to sleep for a few hours and wake up to work but I was awaken rudely hours later by the gold miners.

Now the interruption is over I present to you a new and happier meshelemiah writes now called yellow peppermint. I hope you come back I hope you smile I hope you are inspired.

Love
Yellow peppermint.

I DARE TO DREAM

Yesterday afternoon a friend walked in on me taking my routine drugs and using my inhaler and for some reason she goes “why do you care for yourself so? Now innocent me who couldn’t understand what was being said to me responded “I don’t get you” she’s like “every other asthmatic person or persons with health conditions I know don’t care for themselves or take their pills like you do” without giving it any thought I responded “I have a dream” lol trust me I’m no martin Luther king but baby I do have a dream. Funny thing is I’ve never thought of it but my dream has always being an anchor when the storms of life is strongly against me and pain seems to come in torrents coming against me and it feels like I’m drowning. My dream has always been that anchor I hold on to with a death grip, when pain overwhelms me and the struggle gets real, I want to live out my dreams so I’ll take care of my body because I need my life to fulfill purpose, until the day God heals me I’ll take all the drugs I’m given not because I like them but because I have a dream and I need strength to live my dream.
 I want to write, not just blog and tell little stories, I want to write, write books that people who go through similar things can find comfort and know they are not alone in whatever it is they are going through, I want to write so everyone knows the about the God who loves me and they too and gave himself for us, I want to write about my love for God, and to write you need to be breathing so each time I feel the pain overwhelmingly my dream comes to mind and it makes me fight for my life. Severally I’ve had attacks and just lay down not trying to help myself out of the crises, tired of the seemingly endless pricks of needles, sometimes my sinuses get infected and the pain seems like I'd die, several times I'd lie on my sick bed and ask God to take me home to be with him and free from the pain However every time this happens I get a firm grip on my dream, my books unwritten and unpublished, stories within yet unshared. This dream gets the power over the pain and yes it gives me strength to fight, I fight for my dream and in the process of fighting for my dream I fight for my life.
 Here’s the thing I’ve learnt; we all should dare to dream regardless. sometimes your dream might be the anchor, the driving force, the wind breath you wings when things get overwhelming and there is seemingly nothing you can do. You dreams hope and aspirations and most of all your purpose could be you anchor. We all need something stronger than the pain to conquer the pain, your dream, your purpose is that something!!
Xoxo
Mish!

BECOMING

Rock bottom is where she’s come from
One careless act by a man, who knew no better,
And her life was turned away,
Years after that came the infirmity
In one fell swoop her health was taken away from her
Her physical strength left
There was no inner strength to tap into
The inner strength had been long gone
The physical had covered
And suddenly she was weak
Asthma wouldn’t allow her catch a breath
Sinusitis would trigger attacks
Her heart’s pain twisted her heart
Until it was like a metal hanger after kids on the streets are done playing with it
And nothing could be done
Routine drugs made her feel like a failure
Frequent check up made her feel defeated
And treatments left her traumatized
Some days she wanted it to be over
She wanted to go and be with Jesus
Far away from the pain
But this God’s princess loves to write
So write was all she did
God had placed so much in this his child
She had to share it all,
So when the pain became too much,
She’ll pray to be fine
When she wasn’t fine;
She’d ask for relief;
Just relief so she could write
So everyone could know about the God
The God who is her father,
Writing was her anchor in the storm
She held on to it with death’s grip
She needed life to write
And there was so much she had to write
So when the pain was too much she simply wrote
And when there was little relief she wrote
And when she was strong she wrote
Writing was her escape
Writing was where she found her strength
Now where is this God’s princess?
She’s miles away from rock bottom
Rebuilding with blocks of forgiveness
Forgiving those who called her frigid when she seemed unlovable;
Pain had tortured her emotions she was only learning to love again.
Forgiving those who didn’t understand and called her unserious
When she had to skip school and all; they had no idea what she was going through.
Forgiving those who walked out on her because she missed dates severally;
They didn’t know how unpredictable her life was
Forgiving those who had no idea why she had to cancel plans;
They didn’t understand she wasn’t just a natural plan stabber
Forgiving those who tagged her snobbish;
They couldn’t understand how pain had slit her throat left her unable to speak
Forgiving the young man who didn’t know any better and molested her;
He didn’t know any better he was a child of perdition
Forgiving the man who promised her cheese balls as a child but gave her his balls instead;
He was confused and tormented, he needed escape
Forgiving those who yelled because she didn’t wear a turtle neck and had an attack:
They have no idea that she doesn’t dictate the fragrance those around her wear
Forgetting that there is a lot she has no control over.
She’s forgiving because she’s growing
Growing today cannot happen with baggage from yesterday
She’s dropping the rots by forgiving
She’s living, learning loving, becoming and waiting
Living the life her God wants her to
Learning the complicated lessons in life
Loving the woman she’s becoming
Becoming everything God planned for his princess to be
And she’s waiting to see what the lord has planned
Because she knows he has good planned

AND TROUBLE CAME

In the beginning was the world
The world was God and the world was God
God looked at the world and it was beautiful
God made it perfect
Then trouble started
Trouble started when we decided to look less to the creator
And look more to the created
Trouble started when as mere men
We thought we could be God
Trouble started when we heard the word of God
But we edited it to suit our purpose
Trouble started when we decide to listen to the wrong voice
When we decided to bite into deception
Trouble started when we stopped walking the path God had mapped out for us
And began walking the path of another individual.
Trouble started when we decide to awaken love
Long before love should be awoken.
Trouble started when we thought we’d won
With the things we ought not to have done
Forgetting there’s time for everything, regrets included.
Trouble started when we started to live our lives
Based on what we saw as opposed to Gods truth.
Trouble started when we started to look at our lives
Through the eyes of other men.
Trouble started when we became ultimate over our lives
As opposed to the supreme one.

I FOUND YAHWEH

I found him,
Not in the expected of places
I found him,
In the piercing innocent eyes of a year old baby.
I found him,
In the gentle troubled gasps of a day old baby struggling for a chance at life.
I found him,
Not sitting in the front pew of a sacred building
I found him,
In the recovery room of the hospital surrounded by mourning relatives and dying patients
I found him,
In the eyes of a 28 year old young man sticking needles up his veins craving relief
I found him,
Not in the eloquent speech of Mr. Preacher man
I found him
In the mumble of words spoken by the uneducated man who sits on the corner of the street
I found him,
Not in the spirit filled prayer of the pastor
I found him,
In the gentle praying arms of grandmother
I found him,
In the little loving gifts of an uneducated grandfather
I found him,
Not on the crusade ground
I found him,
In the danfo bus seated between the thankful unemployed graduate and the smelly fufu seller and her kids
I found him,
Just like the prophet Elijah
I found him,
Not in the earthquake or fire
I found him,
In the gentle whispers
I found him,
In daily seemingly meaningless activities
Screaming with the loudest of whispers!!!!

TWO WORDS

But God!!!
But God,
 Why did a 10 year old boy have to die of cancer?
But God,
Why did I have to suffer unjustly and the wicked go scot free?
But God,
Why did a young woman have to lose her baby even after so many prayers?
But God,
Why didn’t my prayers find any answers?
But God,
Why are there abuse, rape and violence?
But God,
You know I tried?
But God,
Why do I feel all by myself on earth?
But God,
Why is following and trusting you so hard?
But God,
Why do I have to hurt so much?
But God,
Why does love seem so far from me?
But God has given us the power to rise above life’s situation
But God has told us there would be trouble in this world
But God has promised to be with us even then
But God has given us strength to pull laughter when the would expects wailing from us
But God tells us to try again even when we seem to fail
But God never said it would be easy
But God has promised to be with us forever
But God would bear us up when we can’t walk again
But God gives grace
But God is reaching out his hand to us
But God is hoping we'll take his hand, accept his help and stop saying “But God”.
But God said it’s finished and I believe he meant it
But you what do you believe??
Xoxo
Miish love

POETRY

INTRO: in the past few months I had a bit of a shift in my life and somehow I ended up on poetry, now I’m not a poet, but I hope somehow these ramblings make sense to some people, for the next few weeks I’ll be sharing these poems, some short, some long, some deep, some shallow however I hope these poems bless someone.
Here goes the first one;


For every life that gave up hope
For all the love that never came
For every vow that another broke
For every dream that has been crushed
For every bruise seeking cover
For every heart that’s been shattered
For every silence that’s screaming for help
For every pain that threatens to suffocate us
For everyday that’s hard to live
For every heart trying to love again
For every hurt that’s craving relief
I know something that works
I know that nothing shattered, broken, crushed, hurting brought before the king ever returns the same
I know in him the broken, disconnected, disjointed pieces of life, people and things get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmony.
Xoxo
Mishlove

I HAVE NO TITLE

     Just today I read Tito idakalu’s piece titled “the test before the testimony” where she shared the testimony on the loss of her first child, half way through the piece I started weeping (I mean real weeping, like wailing and screaming) the diagnosis on the condition of her baby took my breath away, by the time I was done reading the whole piece, the couch couldn’t contain me again I was flat on the floor, weeping, thanking God that I still had life in me, and appreciating him for all I never thanked him for the past few years.
     Now anyone who is conversant with this blog knows I suffer from a range of health conditions, first I deal with sinusitis and then I also battle asthma, these conditions seem light initially until I realized the severity, the year the diagnosis came I was immediately booked for a surgery, however even after 5 head surgeries the conditions are still there. A couple months ago I was suspended from school for attending a church service outside the school and I guess that about crowned it up for me, I knew God wasn’t faithful, and God didn’t love me, I returned home totally shattered and with a resolve never to step foot in church again and yes I have sort of kept to that, I’ve attended roughly 4 church services in the last three months, and I attended because I was forced to (I still live with my father), I’d stopped my word study and prayer has been on a different level and my flesh game has been pretty strong, oh and blogging about the faithfulness of God also got boring so I left it too.
    However after reading the testimony by Tito I was crushed, I could help but be encouraged once again, things may not even look like I want them to be, things may not happen like I think or expect them to, but God knows best, my life is in his hand, and if I have to hurt I can be sure that there is a balm in Gilead that would heal me of every hurt and wound. I know the year I have to spend at home would change me, I believe at the end of the suspension I would have become more than I could have been even in school, I have plans to start a fashion line within this year and I’m working on it, I have plans in motion for my first book too, and I was going to wait until I the day I launch my fashion line to declare that God is good, I was going to wait until I launched a book before saying my God reigns, but today all that changed, weather the fig blooms or not, God is good, weather I have to be in the hospital every month God is great, it doesn’t matter that I have to take routine pills daily God is awesome, I have life therefore I have hope, I believe in God, I believe in his word he says his plans for me are good I hold on to that bit of truth, he promised that all things are coming together for my good and yes I know they are. Its not exactly easy to say this but it is totally true. Do I wish thing were different and I was healthy and everything was okay with me? Yes I honestly do… but then I know his ways are not mine so I choose to rest in him, if the way with Christ is rough and would bruise me I choose it, because I know when I can’t walk again he’ll carry me to the end, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I believe in that light. With all my heart I scream with the loudest of whispers, I serve a God who’s awesome, I serve a God who has given me dreams even in the midst of my dark days, I know there is light, I may not see it but he does, so I’ll walk with him.
Love
Busayo

MOVE ON

Hello and a beautiful day to everyone pardon my long absence from the blog, hopefully starting today I’ll be more frequent here, hope everyone has been doing well, I’m doing as good as I can, a million thanks to everyone who’s checked up on me since I’ve been away.
I attended Baptist high school Abuja during my junior school year, once every month we would attend service at first Baptist church Garki, and usually at the beginning of the year there’s usually a scripture the church would pick and use as the theme scripture for the year and it would be composed into a song, I can’t exactly remember the year now but the scripture for that year was Exodus 14:15,
   
Ex 14:15
15 The Lord said to Moses, "Why do you cry out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.
Last night I was reminded of the scripture as it relates to my situation, many times we make mistakes, we make wrong choices, we fail and all and we feel so terrible about it, we run we fall on our knees we cry out to God for mercy, but sometimes we overly spend time crying and mourning poor choices but that’s not what God calls us to do, we’re called to move on, we’re called to rise and make new moves, God forgives us, he’s not expecting us to sit down and cry out and morn our poor choices forever, he’s calling us to stop crying, to stop mourning our wrong choices, to get up from where we have spent our time crying and like he said MOVE ON!
Xoxo
Miss Kehinde

FATHERS DAY

Hello blogville, it’s been so long I’ve been here a lot has been going on with me but that really isn’t an excuse tho, I’ve been away because I was sad, now the issue wasn’t that I was sad it’s that when you’re sad it rubs off on everything you do if you are not careful and that was what happened with me, I did write a few things but they all had a tinge of sadness and I couldn’t do that to you, when I started blogging I could come up and say anything I felt and be fine, but sometime along the line I let God be the head of this blog and it’s kind of a ministry now although I share my personal experiences I use them to teach and not to depress people further so much as I wanted to come here and be pitiful I had to do otherwise.
   Now to what I have for today, yesterday was father’s day and I felt so  much love for every father figure in my life and I couldn’t help it, but then I went online twitter and I saw some loving and some totally hating their fathers and I hurt for them but I also hurt for these fathers, some were mad because their fathers were absent and this I have to say, honestly I don’t exactly  know how you feel   but then when we were younger dad used to stay in Abuja while myself and my mom and sister stayed at Lagos and it wasn’t any fun at all we saw so little of him, now when I think of it he didn’t move to Abuja because he hated us or wanted to be away from us, he did so because it was the best he felt he could do at the time although sometimes I think we could have found other ways to stay together aside his leaving for Abuja but anyway it’s all good now. Why am I sharing this? It’s sad that some men couldn’t take or face their responsibilities and choose to run off but then I believe it looked like the best thing they could do at that moment. So yes they are wrong but we should forgive them, I bet they could never have been happy running off……… forgiveness is the only gift you can give to them.
      Furthermore some people are angry about the way they were raised and stuff their fathers gave or didn’t give them and that’s fine, I used to feel that way too before until I spoke with my dad once and when he was done I realize parents honestly are lovers, so for the most part of my growing years I was always forced to attend church, missing church wasn’t an option and I always wondered why, but when I said it to dad he was hurt and explained to me that when he was a child his dad was a smoker and an unbeliever and somehow it had an effect on everyone of his children but when dad got older and got know Christ he honestly started to wish he’d known Christ early and so all he was doing was trying to give us that which he never got from his father. Listening to him say that hurt me because that exactly is what we all want to do, we want to be better parents than ours innit?... sometimes when our parents seemingly push us it’s all in a bid to give us the life they wished they’d had, the life the would have loved to have but couldn’t, its why some parents be pushing you to get a masters degree, to chase a PhD when all you want to do is become a make-up artist lol, its why they be pushing you to study law, engineering or medicine when you want to study Yoruba education lol, it’s not hate it’s out of love and while this love may not sit well with you, it’s pure love. Can’t you see someone wants to give you all they never had? For this reason you should love them, you should forgive them, maybe the love wasn’t done right it was done with the purest of intentions. For this such fathers deserve love.
Those who were raped by fathers and step fathers, I can’t say I even understand but this I have done; I’ve sent prayer to heaven for you all, that God would comfort you and heal the hurt and help you forgive and wrap his love around you. Amen
Love always
Busayo kehinde
Always a mail away busayokehinde81@gmail.com

ALL I KNOW

I do not understand so much
If anything I do not understand anything at all
But these I do understand
I understand that life can hurt
I understand that pain demands to be felt
I understand that pain can seemingly kill
I understand that people would hurt me
I understand that we would struggle to love
I understand that we would struggle to care
I understand that it’s always easier to hate
I understand that hate doesn’t rule the world
I understand that love rules
I understand how much living can injure us
I understand how much we can cover these injuries
I understand how covered injuries rot so much they smell
I understand how much this smell can affect all those we come across
I understand what it means to be addicted
I understand the struggle to break addiction
I understand how a bad habit can become home
I understand how memories can become our safe haven
I understand how love can hurt
I understand what insecurity feels like
I understand the struggle to be free
I understand identity crisis
I understand how hard it is to let go of wrong choices
I understand how hard it is to leave wrong relationships
I understand how much we want “more”
I understand how the more we long for isn’t always the more we need
I understand depression
I understand what longing feels like
I understand that sometimes all we want to say is exactly what we cant
I understand that the heart is a muscle
I understand that muscles only exercise the y do not break
I understand that there is no such thing as heart break
I understand that my heart can be stretched
I understand that the heart is the size of a fist
I understand that love can feel like blows
I understand that living is hard
I understand that life can hurt day in day out
I know it is okay to cry
I know it is okay to be confused
But I know it’s not okay to quit
I know to start over as many times as I fail
I know that I am never by myself
I understand that God is supreme
I understand that there is no heart God cannot heal
I understand that there is no hurt God cannot fix
I understand that there is no pain God cannot heal
I understand that there is no struggle God lets you fight alone
And most of all……..
I understand, I know and I’m a hundred percent sure that
In this life I’m never really alone Jesus is always there
Even in the midst of the greatest hardships

ROCK BOTTOM

      The world has unraveled before me, my dreams all feel like light weight matter before me, all around me I see ash and smoke, I see all of my prayers request stare back at me, the days I never thought I’d ever see has come and gone, I’m living in the pain and hurt of it all, I’m looking around for those old friendships and love I’d built over the years but I can’t see them, I look out for the numbers I’d dial non-stop if they had trouble and I knew but I do not see them, I’m at a threshold of pain I never even knew existed. I’m at rock bottom.
     But not to fear, rock bottom is the perfect place of rebuilding, it’s the perfect place to start all over again, it’s the perfect place for healing, rock bottom is perfect in so many ways, so yes I may be bent and may have responded to the waging winds in ways like everyone else but one thing stands even at rock bottom nothing is broken, nothing is damaged or destroyed and my scars? My scars are a badge of honor, honor that at even at rock bottom I didn’t break. Yes I bruised but I didn’t break. Every step I take even at rock bottom is a victory dance in the making, my heart isn’t broken because my heart is only a muscle and muscles don’t break in the end as my heart fell to rock bottom the muscle was exercised and its stronger than it was before I fell, and this piece is a testimony waiting to be shared that even at the lowest the one thing I love to do wasn’t taken away from me “MY EXPRESSIONS”. in the end I have come to realize that ii was made for this kind of heavy lifting, I was made for the heavy lifting of building from rock bottom again, my heart was made in two parts; one part saint, one part warrior. And I am not ashamed that I’ve fallen to rock bottom because the warrior in me would build and my rock top would “outstand” the ones that already exist and this I know well and good.

Ps: this title Is inspired by one of the episodes of the series Gidi up and the piece inspires by a spoken work piece performed by Titi Sonuga (EKI) although I wrote it in my own way listening to her helped me build this up and sort through my feelings.
 

PRAY FOR YOU

   It’s been so long and I’m totally sorry about that I’ve been through a bit of a rough time lately and its I didn’t even have so much time to come by, but enough of my excuses, hope you all are doing great? May God keep us all and cause his face to shine upon us always.
  Everyone of us at some point or even up till now have those individuals in our lives that we feel are more spiritual than we are, or for some reason we think God listens to them more than he does us so when things are tough for us or when we have a little problem we run to them to have them pray for us, we call them and tell them all that is wrong with us and leave it at that, I had no idea how wrong this was until I got some insight to this it’s not wrong to have someone pray with you its silly to have people pray for you. Now here’s the twist people praying for you is someone praying for you while you do nothing for you, while someone praying with you is someone praying for you while you also pray for yourself, I mean just look at it; why should I go to the created to pray for me when I can simply go to the CREATOR of the created to fix me? Why do I ask humans to go to war (pray) for me when I can call on the almighty to go to war for me? I don’t know about you but I find that silly.
   Just yesterday I looked up the story of David and Bathsheba; if you go through the book of 2 Sam 11 in verse 1 you’ll realize that it was time when kings go to war but David sent Joab to go to war for him and while he stayed home he strolled and Bathsheba happened!!!! Now many time when we do not go to war ourselves and send out people we could fall into error easily not because we are weak but because we would be at the wrong place at that time, when we do not pray for ourselves by ourselves there is the possibility to spend the time that should have be spent praying on things that would ultimately cause us more trouble.
I don’t really have much to say but I have this to say; the reason you feel God listens to some people is because they have built their relationship with him to that level, you can do that too. If you love someone you spend time with them, you talk with them, you sometimes spend your money on them, that’s how it works with God too, stay with him, love grows with knowledge (read his word and learn of him), give to God many people don’t like this point we want to have God without giving to the lord (like you can go to silver bird with a babe you’re toasting and not buy pop corn). And it’s about time we stop having people fast for us while we sit in KFC and order Jollof rice and roasted chicken, it’s time we started to battle on our own.

CHEERS TO 19

My dearest me,
                         Where has the years gone? Hunnie this is honestly the only question that rings in my mind each time I’m drawn to the fact that in a few days you’ll be 19. I’m amazed at how many years have gone by and they seem like only a few years.
       Has it really been about 13 years ago since that afternoon that forever killed a part of you; has it really being that long you got caught up not knowing who you are and what you were created for and so you lived like it didn’t matter? Has it really been that long ago you turned away from the God who loved you and gave himself for you all because you wanted to fit in; you rebelled but even in your rebellion you never did fit in, you never actually fit in and would never because you are not created to fit in, you are meant to stand out you weren’t created with the normal mould the king formed you himself, so even in the midst of rebels you found a way to stand out. Has it been all that long you turned to addictions because you were lonely?
      Wasn’t it only a few weeks ago you took ill and nearly lost your life? oh it’s been almost four years ago already, where are the years gone? Five surgeries no improvement, depression and pain...
       It’s already a year ago since you decide to put your heart up and fall in love thinking HE was THE ONE, only to realize he wasn’t and then you went into depression, eating addiction and then fear of loneliness and then gradually you came to realize you’ve never been and would never be alone; only your life would be marked by a certain solitude that may leave you feeling set apart; but hunnie you’re set apart; set apart by God for his own glory.
       It’s almost two years since you started pouring your pain into your writing and sharing with all who need to know that they were never alone. Talk about good coming out of a bad situation it’s in the blog, it’s in the lives touched, the hearts healed the lessons learned and the new friendships formed. When people say you inspire them I smile knowing you inspire me too always.
      It’s amazing how the years has gone by, 18 years and it’s amazing the lady you’ve become and the woman you’re gradually turning into, the very weakness and pain in your life that made you feel disadvantaged have become your greatest assets because in your weakness has God imputed his mighty strength that none should boast, its beautiful how you've come to love and crave Jesus...
     I’m so proud of you and who you’ve become and who you’re becoming; I thank God each day for the opportunity to be you. You’re a blessing and your life is a testimony of God’s grace, love and mercy and how he picks nothingness and makes into something great... I couldn’t and wouldn’t even want to be anyone else but you. Here’s a cheers to 18 years behind and a cheers to a new year. Happy birthday my number one woman crush everyday! I love you forever. Blessings.
                                                                                                                                Packed with love,
                                                                                                                                 Busayo kehinde(ME)
NOTE: By Saturday the 25th April, my 18th year would be officially behind me and my 19th year would officially begin, this letter is my own way of celebrating myself however I’m sharing it because in it lies answers to question some of you have in your heart. I hope the letter blesses you and if you’re not into this you should totally begin to celebrate yourself because there is no human that can do it better for you. Oh and from Saturday according to my friends I’m officially ripe for marriage.. lol uhm I’m accepting applications now (yinmu na play o)…..
Love
Busayo Kehinde

MY LATEST FAVOURITE

Hurry up and come back,
Was the last thing she said to her son
The day his life was taken
She didn’t know he wouldn’t come back
He died from the bullet of a gun
And now her baby’s gone
She said help me
Lord help me
And when she looked up to the sky
She heard a voice reply
“When you cry I cry
I cry along with you.
When you smile I smile
I smile along with you……”
This song is one I learnt way back from junior school, I used to be in the choir at the time, and we sang this song but not once did it ever minister to me the way it did recently. I was having one of those moments when I was reflecting on life when from my spirit I heard the words of Matthew 27:46 which was followed by John 11:35, in Matthew 27:46 Jesus cried out to the father on the cross he said “father why has thou forsaken me” don’t you feel forsaken by God most times I mean days you sit and its like God has totally turned his back on you, day you look at the sun and it doesn’t even seem to be shining and it looks like God is too busy, it looks like you’re forsaken let the hope lie in the fact that Jesus felt same way too, sometimes things get so hurtful and you just want to weep please feel free to weep Jesus himself wept, but in the midst of all these feelings remember that even after Jesus screamed out because he felt forsaken the father came through for him… let this cause joy in your heart “we have a high priest who is not out of touch with our reality” and not matter how forsaken you feel no matter how you’ve felt forsaken and possibly screamed our your heart to the father know that just as he came through for Jesus he’ll come through for you… he felt it that when you feel it you’ll gain strength knowing you’re not alone, never have you and never would you be alone because when you cry he cries along with you.
Packed with Love
Busayo

MY ENCOUNTER WITH DEPRESSION

 
     Hey happy Friday y’all it’s been a long week for me, I hope y’all enjoyed your week, I pray you have the most amazing weekend beginning today. I started off a little sharing on depression, my experience and winning today I’m sharing my second lesson on depression.
LESSON 2:
    Depression often comes from lies, depression sometimes is simply as a result of dishonesty, the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we tell against others, and the times we aren’t honest with God. Some of us lie to ourselves simply by telling ourselves the wrong we do isn’t really wrong, but more than that is the lies we tell ourselves about others and about God. I’ll explain better; Once someone said something to me now I interpreted his word in my own way and acted based on what I told myself he was saying, when things became really hard on me and I knew I was slipping into a terrible state of depression and I couldn’t even say why, I started to blame it on him for what he said, I told myself “it was because he said this, I acted this way and now I’m depressed, it’s all his fault, I hate him, I wish I’d never met him and all”.  But when I sat and thought it all over, from the first time he never said all I had been saying he said, maybe he said something but not what I’m saying he said. On another note some of us tell ourselves lies about God, we all know that sin has a way of stealing our Joy and bringing about depression, now some of us sin and then quote Romans 6:1 and interpret it to ourselves that Grace cannot abound for us anymore so we continue in our sin anyway much as we know the truth for some reason we just keep up with our sin and lie against God to have someone to blame when things come tumbling against us.. Dishonesty fuels depression in so many ways.. Until we get honest we may never overcome depression, first we have to be honest with God let him know you’re sorry for living a fake life/ a deceit filled life, second we need to be honest with ourselves; we need to let the truth breakdown the walls our lies have built, we need to honestly own our actions and stop trying to get a convenient scapegoat to blame for our actions… if you want to muse as y’all know I’m always a message away busayokehinde81@gmail.com
LOVE
BUSAYO

ALL FOR ME

    Hello trust you all are doing considerably well, I started a series on depression last week and I’ll be rounding it up this week, but today I’ll be writing on something else tho… hope someone is able to pick up a lesson or two from it.
   My bible study this month has been one of the most interesting ones for me, I’m presently on the book of exodus, I’ve seen (lol yeah I actually see the characters) the children of Israel see the hand of God move mightily in their midst yet time and again, they get to points and they believe Egypt was better for them, much as they were in bondage in Egypt much as they suffered they still had times when Egypt seemed better.
      Let’s bring it to our Christian lives today, has anyone ever felt like their life outside God was much better? I don’t know about you but I have those days, there are some days I want to do stuff but then I remember I’m a Christian and I cannot so I stop but silly at it seems it annoys me when that happens, for instance on days when I have to battle with my demons (sin) and I feel like I may even die if I do not sin but I love the lord too much to sin so I struggle I force myself to sleep even if I don’t want to, I may even decide to start working just to keep my mind of the sin that keeps calling me back, honestly on such days I feel like before I came into Christ I was better because then it wasn’t a struggle sin was a way of life and I always drowned the guilt in more sin I barely had time to feel guilty and all. On days like this I start to think life outside Christ was better, for someone else it’s when you’re broke you start to think so, I mean before you were saved you had many men in your life who’ll have sex with you and answer to your every need and now you can’t do that again and now cash is tight..
     I used to wonder why I felt so, I always looked at the children of Israel as ingrates until lately I got fresh understanding, we don’t feel that way because we’re ingrates, we do that because we don’t really understand things; we sometimes feel like God is just using us to bring glory to himself and he doesn’t really care about us and that’s why we feel that way. Until we come to a point of understanding that everything God does is for the good to us, we would always look out, I’ve had to take some time to understand that God loves means that everything he says is for my good, he saved me not for his own good but for my own gain, he gave his son for me not so I’ll thank him but because he cares for me too much to leave me under the curse of the law. That is what happened with the Israelites they had no understanding of the fact that they were saved for themselves, they possibly felt they were saved for Moses or something like that. If we understand this even when things are wrong or when we have to struggle we’ll fight knowing that it’s all for our good and not for the Kings gain. Now I know I don’t resist temptation for Gods good I resist for my own benefit.
Love
Busayo

MISH'S THOUGHTS

       I’ve written on faith and being personal I’ve shared on how I left my inhaler at the altar hoping for healing and came down with an attack that almost claimed my life a few hours after dropping my inhaler. I’m always amazed when people say its lack of faith that makes me keep an inhaler in my purse but not just that, it’s funny how people get all preachy with me when they find out I’m asthmatic, It’s a struggle to keep mute and listen to them and not scream out at them “I’m a Christian, maybe I have a condition but it’s not my portion”.
        Last year I had the most embarrassing experience, I had attacks twice in a row back to back and there was this particular guy who happened to see me every time I was admitted, a few weeks later I was discharged I met this guy somewhere and he was with company oh well I stopped by to say hello, while I was with him he teased a little about my health and the person with him heard and like that ohh myyyyyyyy things just got spiritual, I had to stand there and take sermon about how he hasn’t been ill before how I didn’t have faith, plenty things about drugs and all….. Time and again in the little time I’ve spent with my health condition I’ve tried to get people to understand this, taking drugs, sticking to certain guidelines doesn’t mean you don’t have faith, in some ways deciding to take pills shows you have faith enough to put up a fight against whatever infirmity that tries to take a hold of you and wait to see what the lord has planned. Don’t get me wrong I believe in divine healing, and I know it is possible to be healed without drugs, but has it ever occurred to you that God has plans for us, good plans to be precise, but the plans he has for us is individual, even though he refers to us as one, meaning someone else getting healed without drugs doesn’t mean it’s going to be same for others, until we understand this, until we consult the lord and know his plans for us we’ll just spend our lives trying to fit into Gods plans for others.. What am I saying in essence? if you have issues, maybe health troubles, maybe you’re battling depression whatever it is, don’t even allow anyone make you feel any less of a Christian for seeking professional help. I like to believe doctors in some ways are an answer to our prayers. I know God is the healer however I also know he uses doctors too. If I’ll be honest I’d love it if I’m healed just by God but then again if he desires I go through the doctors I know he’s got me, I know his plans for me are good so I have no fear. People think Christians shouldn’t battle hard times or dark times and if they come its lack of faith, sin or inadequate prayers that’s the cause.. I wonder how may Christians are battling little issue that simple medications, simple dietry adjustment can handle or the number who have died without reasons.
The main issue we need to understand is this; our faith can help us through the valley, but it doesn’t always give us a way around the valley.. Sometimes in addition to faith action is needed.
Love
Busayo