I DARE TO DREAM

Yesterday afternoon a friend walked in on me taking my routine drugs and using my inhaler and for some reason she goes “why do you care for yourself so? Now innocent me who couldn’t understand what was being said to me responded “I don’t get you” she’s like “every other asthmatic person or persons with health conditions I know don’t care for themselves or take their pills like you do” without giving it any thought I responded “I have a dream” lol trust me I’m no martin Luther king but baby I do have a dream. Funny thing is I’ve never thought of it but my dream has always being an anchor when the storms of life is strongly against me and pain seems to come in torrents coming against me and it feels like I’m drowning. My dream has always been that anchor I hold on to with a death grip, when pain overwhelms me and the struggle gets real, I want to live out my dreams so I’ll take care of my body because I need my life to fulfill purpose, until the day God heals me I’ll take all the drugs I’m given not because I like them but because I have a dream and I need strength to live my dream.
 I want to write, not just blog and tell little stories, I want to write, write books that people who go through similar things can find comfort and know they are not alone in whatever it is they are going through, I want to write so everyone knows the about the God who loves me and they too and gave himself for us, I want to write about my love for God, and to write you need to be breathing so each time I feel the pain overwhelmingly my dream comes to mind and it makes me fight for my life. Severally I’ve had attacks and just lay down not trying to help myself out of the crises, tired of the seemingly endless pricks of needles, sometimes my sinuses get infected and the pain seems like I'd die, several times I'd lie on my sick bed and ask God to take me home to be with him and free from the pain However every time this happens I get a firm grip on my dream, my books unwritten and unpublished, stories within yet unshared. This dream gets the power over the pain and yes it gives me strength to fight, I fight for my dream and in the process of fighting for my dream I fight for my life.
 Here’s the thing I’ve learnt; we all should dare to dream regardless. sometimes your dream might be the anchor, the driving force, the wind breath you wings when things get overwhelming and there is seemingly nothing you can do. You dreams hope and aspirations and most of all your purpose could be you anchor. We all need something stronger than the pain to conquer the pain, your dream, your purpose is that something!!
Xoxo
Mish!

BECOMING

Rock bottom is where she’s come from
One careless act by a man, who knew no better,
And her life was turned away,
Years after that came the infirmity
In one fell swoop her health was taken away from her
Her physical strength left
There was no inner strength to tap into
The inner strength had been long gone
The physical had covered
And suddenly she was weak
Asthma wouldn’t allow her catch a breath
Sinusitis would trigger attacks
Her heart’s pain twisted her heart
Until it was like a metal hanger after kids on the streets are done playing with it
And nothing could be done
Routine drugs made her feel like a failure
Frequent check up made her feel defeated
And treatments left her traumatized
Some days she wanted it to be over
She wanted to go and be with Jesus
Far away from the pain
But this God’s princess loves to write
So write was all she did
God had placed so much in this his child
She had to share it all,
So when the pain became too much,
She’ll pray to be fine
When she wasn’t fine;
She’d ask for relief;
Just relief so she could write
So everyone could know about the God
The God who is her father,
Writing was her anchor in the storm
She held on to it with death’s grip
She needed life to write
And there was so much she had to write
So when the pain was too much she simply wrote
And when there was little relief she wrote
And when she was strong she wrote
Writing was her escape
Writing was where she found her strength
Now where is this God’s princess?
She’s miles away from rock bottom
Rebuilding with blocks of forgiveness
Forgiving those who called her frigid when she seemed unlovable;
Pain had tortured her emotions she was only learning to love again.
Forgiving those who didn’t understand and called her unserious
When she had to skip school and all; they had no idea what she was going through.
Forgiving those who walked out on her because she missed dates severally;
They didn’t know how unpredictable her life was
Forgiving those who had no idea why she had to cancel plans;
They didn’t understand she wasn’t just a natural plan stabber
Forgiving those who tagged her snobbish;
They couldn’t understand how pain had slit her throat left her unable to speak
Forgiving the young man who didn’t know any better and molested her;
He didn’t know any better he was a child of perdition
Forgiving the man who promised her cheese balls as a child but gave her his balls instead;
He was confused and tormented, he needed escape
Forgiving those who yelled because she didn’t wear a turtle neck and had an attack:
They have no idea that she doesn’t dictate the fragrance those around her wear
Forgetting that there is a lot she has no control over.
She’s forgiving because she’s growing
Growing today cannot happen with baggage from yesterday
She’s dropping the rots by forgiving
She’s living, learning loving, becoming and waiting
Living the life her God wants her to
Learning the complicated lessons in life
Loving the woman she’s becoming
Becoming everything God planned for his princess to be
And she’s waiting to see what the lord has planned
Because she knows he has good planned

AND TROUBLE CAME

In the beginning was the world
The world was God and the world was God
God looked at the world and it was beautiful
God made it perfect
Then trouble started
Trouble started when we decided to look less to the creator
And look more to the created
Trouble started when as mere men
We thought we could be God
Trouble started when we heard the word of God
But we edited it to suit our purpose
Trouble started when we decide to listen to the wrong voice
When we decided to bite into deception
Trouble started when we stopped walking the path God had mapped out for us
And began walking the path of another individual.
Trouble started when we decide to awaken love
Long before love should be awoken.
Trouble started when we thought we’d won
With the things we ought not to have done
Forgetting there’s time for everything, regrets included.
Trouble started when we started to live our lives
Based on what we saw as opposed to Gods truth.
Trouble started when we started to look at our lives
Through the eyes of other men.
Trouble started when we became ultimate over our lives
As opposed to the supreme one.

I FOUND YAHWEH

I found him,
Not in the expected of places
I found him,
In the piercing innocent eyes of a year old baby.
I found him,
In the gentle troubled gasps of a day old baby struggling for a chance at life.
I found him,
Not sitting in the front pew of a sacred building
I found him,
In the recovery room of the hospital surrounded by mourning relatives and dying patients
I found him,
In the eyes of a 28 year old young man sticking needles up his veins craving relief
I found him,
Not in the eloquent speech of Mr. Preacher man
I found him
In the mumble of words spoken by the uneducated man who sits on the corner of the street
I found him,
Not in the spirit filled prayer of the pastor
I found him,
In the gentle praying arms of grandmother
I found him,
In the little loving gifts of an uneducated grandfather
I found him,
Not on the crusade ground
I found him,
In the danfo bus seated between the thankful unemployed graduate and the smelly fufu seller and her kids
I found him,
Just like the prophet Elijah
I found him,
Not in the earthquake or fire
I found him,
In the gentle whispers
I found him,
In daily seemingly meaningless activities
Screaming with the loudest of whispers!!!!

TWO WORDS

But God!!!
But God,
 Why did a 10 year old boy have to die of cancer?
But God,
Why did I have to suffer unjustly and the wicked go scot free?
But God,
Why did a young woman have to lose her baby even after so many prayers?
But God,
Why didn’t my prayers find any answers?
But God,
Why are there abuse, rape and violence?
But God,
You know I tried?
But God,
Why do I feel all by myself on earth?
But God,
Why is following and trusting you so hard?
But God,
Why do I have to hurt so much?
But God,
Why does love seem so far from me?
But God has given us the power to rise above life’s situation
But God has told us there would be trouble in this world
But God has promised to be with us even then
But God has given us strength to pull laughter when the would expects wailing from us
But God tells us to try again even when we seem to fail
But God never said it would be easy
But God has promised to be with us forever
But God would bear us up when we can’t walk again
But God gives grace
But God is reaching out his hand to us
But God is hoping we'll take his hand, accept his help and stop saying “But God”.
But God said it’s finished and I believe he meant it
But you what do you believe??
Xoxo
Miish love

POETRY

INTRO: in the past few months I had a bit of a shift in my life and somehow I ended up on poetry, now I’m not a poet, but I hope somehow these ramblings make sense to some people, for the next few weeks I’ll be sharing these poems, some short, some long, some deep, some shallow however I hope these poems bless someone.
Here goes the first one;


For every life that gave up hope
For all the love that never came
For every vow that another broke
For every dream that has been crushed
For every bruise seeking cover
For every heart that’s been shattered
For every silence that’s screaming for help
For every pain that threatens to suffocate us
For everyday that’s hard to live
For every heart trying to love again
For every hurt that’s craving relief
I know something that works
I know that nothing shattered, broken, crushed, hurting brought before the king ever returns the same
I know in him the broken, disconnected, disjointed pieces of life, people and things get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmony.
Xoxo
Mishlove

I HAVE NO TITLE

     Just today I read Tito idakalu’s piece titled “the test before the testimony” where she shared the testimony on the loss of her first child, half way through the piece I started weeping (I mean real weeping, like wailing and screaming) the diagnosis on the condition of her baby took my breath away, by the time I was done reading the whole piece, the couch couldn’t contain me again I was flat on the floor, weeping, thanking God that I still had life in me, and appreciating him for all I never thanked him for the past few years.
     Now anyone who is conversant with this blog knows I suffer from a range of health conditions, first I deal with sinusitis and then I also battle asthma, these conditions seem light initially until I realized the severity, the year the diagnosis came I was immediately booked for a surgery, however even after 5 head surgeries the conditions are still there. A couple months ago I was suspended from school for attending a church service outside the school and I guess that about crowned it up for me, I knew God wasn’t faithful, and God didn’t love me, I returned home totally shattered and with a resolve never to step foot in church again and yes I have sort of kept to that, I’ve attended roughly 4 church services in the last three months, and I attended because I was forced to (I still live with my father), I’d stopped my word study and prayer has been on a different level and my flesh game has been pretty strong, oh and blogging about the faithfulness of God also got boring so I left it too.
    However after reading the testimony by Tito I was crushed, I could help but be encouraged once again, things may not even look like I want them to be, things may not happen like I think or expect them to, but God knows best, my life is in his hand, and if I have to hurt I can be sure that there is a balm in Gilead that would heal me of every hurt and wound. I know the year I have to spend at home would change me, I believe at the end of the suspension I would have become more than I could have been even in school, I have plans to start a fashion line within this year and I’m working on it, I have plans in motion for my first book too, and I was going to wait until I the day I launch my fashion line to declare that God is good, I was going to wait until I launched a book before saying my God reigns, but today all that changed, weather the fig blooms or not, God is good, weather I have to be in the hospital every month God is great, it doesn’t matter that I have to take routine pills daily God is awesome, I have life therefore I have hope, I believe in God, I believe in his word he says his plans for me are good I hold on to that bit of truth, he promised that all things are coming together for my good and yes I know they are. Its not exactly easy to say this but it is totally true. Do I wish thing were different and I was healthy and everything was okay with me? Yes I honestly do… but then I know his ways are not mine so I choose to rest in him, if the way with Christ is rough and would bruise me I choose it, because I know when I can’t walk again he’ll carry me to the end, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I believe in that light. With all my heart I scream with the loudest of whispers, I serve a God who’s awesome, I serve a God who has given me dreams even in the midst of my dark days, I know there is light, I may not see it but he does, so I’ll walk with him.
Love
Busayo