HOPE

Hi guys its been forever! this post has been ready for over a week but due to circumstances beyond me i couldnt put it up, but its better late than never. lots of love

31^st August 2012

10:00 am

  I’ve been up since 5am praying, hoping for a miracle in a few hours I’ll be wheeled into the theatre for what would be my 4^th surgery unfortunately its going to be one of the most traumatic ones and  I’ll return from theatre with a scar. At about 10am the nurse walks in, gives me the blue OR dress few minutes late she comes in with a plaster my name, age and details of the surgery is written on the plaster and its taped to my hand like a wrist watch possibly in case I die or I’m disfigured beyond recognition there’ll be the identity, I sat on the bed listening to Lara George’s “Emi a rire” something about that song gave me hope so I listened to it and replayed over and over the part of the song that says “ iku ole pa mi translated “death cannot kill me and no matter what  the pain that I feel I know there’s no mistake” at about 10:30 the theatre attendant come to take me to the theatre, the journey to the theatre was possibly the longest I’d ever embarked on, in the 5 minutes it took us to get to the theatre memories of the whole 16 years I’d spent on earth flashed before me, and I knew my family would be changed forever if I didn’t make it and before I knew it I had tears streaming down my eyes I took one last look at the outside world, gave mom a shaky smile through my tears one last time and then I was taken into the theatre, in the theatre several machines were connected to various parts of my body and a mask was placed over my nose for me to take in the oxygen, I was told to count my numbers from one to ten “1,2,3,4,5,6….,..7….. that was the last I said before I lost consciousness…………….

31^st August 2012

6:00pm

I woke up to the smell of blood and there was pain real pain, painkillers were being injected into my body to kill the pain, the pain was less physical, the physical pain was secondary and very bearable my heart was huer, my soul and spirit were broken and no amount of pain killers could heal that! I opened my eyes and saw mom, I was late wheeled back to the ward I never saw how I looked until three days later.

2 years on……………..

31^st August 2012

It’s exactly two years since that horrid Thursday morning, my life has never again been the same there have been pain, post surgical abscesses, there’s been pain there’s been allergies there’s been struggle, but above it all there’s been healing, my life has never been the same again and may never be same again but for the most part it’s been positive change, today I’m thankful for the pains because if not for them how would I have known God as my healer, my peace and my defense, it’s not been an easy route but it’s been worth it, like my bible says in psalm 30:5 “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” there’s been the nights of weeping but finally there’s joy. Yes in our lives there would be pain and we can decide to haphazardly move through life and bear it all alone or we could got to Jesus and believe he’s going to walk with us through it all above all let our hope lie in the fact that after the pain would come the healing and he wont just heal the physical body he’ll heal the soul and finally the spirit also. And yes God is always in control, he’s bigger and always king over our lives.  If only we’ll be patient enough and HOPE! Today I could safely say if I could go back to years before today there’s nothing I would pray to change, because without all of it I would never have grown, known all I know now or even be close to who I am today.

                                                                                                                                              Lots of love

                                                                                                                                           Busayo Kehinde

LOOK

Overtime one thing I’ve learnt is “the farthest we can go is the farthest our eyes can see” what I mean by this is there is scarcely any likelihood for us to go beyond how far our eyes can see. For this reason we need to guard our eyes, our eyes are the entrance to our hearts. Sometime in April during my bible study I read the book of Genesis in chapter 13:10 it is recorded that lot looked towards Sodom, in chapter 13:12 it was said that he pitched his tent near Sodom, by chapter 14 verse 12, he was in Sodom already. A careful analysis of this would bring me to the conclusion that all you need to do you be anything or do anything is look, see the vision paint the picture. Before you sin you must first look at it. When I talk about the sexually promiscuous people find out properly you’ll see a history of porn or something, it goes in-depth, and our sight is a door to our lives.

  One time at church my pastor said and I quote “what you look at determines what you will look like” I love Jamie Grace Harper a lot I love to see her videos and all, gradually I found myself trying to make my hair like hers, trying to do my make up like hers, it wasn’t until after a while I got the understanding I had seen her severally my vision had created a picture of me like her in my head, and now I was beginning to live it out, I read a lot of Karen Kingsbury books sometimes when I’m faced with a situation I find myself trying to act just the way Bailey Flannigan or Andi Ellison would react, here’s why they are my age mates in some of her books I find them struggling with similar things like I do, so somehow looking at their lives directs my reactions to life, in the same vein I have seen pornography for about six years of my life I used to find myself trying to be like some of the various models I’d seen, I’d strip in front of the mirror trying to be like some of the stuff I’d seen.

 When I think more about this I remember Moses in the bible; after he’d spent time with God looking up to him, when he returned it was recorded that his face was shining I mean they couldn’t look at him like that, personally I believe it was because he began to look like Jesus, that exactly brings me to my point we’re told by the bible to guard our hearts, while we guard our hearts we should also guard our eyes as what we see determines what goes into our hearts. LOOK

WHEN GOD DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

This is one of the shortest stories in this series, reason is it’s a true life story, it happened to a girl named Victoria she was one of the victims of the terrorist attack in the north. Listening to her story brought me to tears, I felt the need to share this beyond all the fictional stories I’ve shared. Hope you’re encouraged by her faith and remember to say a prayer for all who are hurting at this time.

It was a church day when we went to church, me my papa, my momma and my siblings. Papa was a nice man, he loved Jesus and told us about Jesus, he taught us things about Jesus and taught us to love him, his love for him was just great. We went to church that day, very happy a family, we live in northern Nigeria, and we have been under terrorism for a while. When we were at church we sang praises to God, we prayed a lot, we prayed for Nigeria, we prayed for family, we prayed for peace in the country, we were praying when it happened I heard a sound, a very loud one, I didn’t know what it was, when I opened my eyes I didn’t see anything I only saw smoke I heard people screaming and running I ran a little then we came back to church I saw papa sitting on the floor he had blood coming out from his chest, papa said he had been shot, few minutes after papa was dead.

I miss papa, although he is no longer with us, I strongly belief papa is not dead, he is simply with Jesus and very soon we are going to see him again.

Listening to this girl broke my heart I had tears in my eyes by the time she was don I mean it didn’t make sense that anyone should be a witness to violence, but something I read once leaves me with hope that God certainly makes sense and yes in spite of all of these God still makes sense and more than we can imagine he is in love with us.

Xoxo Busayo

LOOKING UP TO JESUS

Hey people trust you week has been great mine has been beautiful, God has been most faithful to me, oh remember the post before my birthday whaen I asked for the stuffs I wanted, well my dad brought my life application bible yesterday, I’m flipping excited about it, I haven’t seen my dayd since early April when I resumed school seeing him again yesterday felt good, I’m thankful for him too. I’m thankful for everyone of you who have been reading my blog and those who have been blessed by it and shared their testimonies with me I love you all big time, God bless you real good.

I’m not sure how many of you attended children Sunday school class same period as I, I’m not sure how many actually listened the few who listened possibly remember the story of Jesus walking on the water and peter walking to meet him, yesterday I listened to a message by pastor Joseph prince, he said something that brought back that story to mind here’s what he said “everything is easier and possible when we look up to Jesus”  it brought a lot of memories and ideas and understanding as well. A whole lot of times we start things with a focus on Jesus and gradually things begin to look easy and we decide to look at us or at situations surrounding us and suddenly everything becomes difficult. If we read that story better we’ll realize that peter started to walk on the water while he kept on looking at Jesus the moment he took his eyes off Jesus he started to sink, now when I tried to understand a little better I dawned on me that he didn’t just look at the storm, he started looking at self first possibly the I’m doing it feel came in and instead of looking to Jesus and saying “thank you lord I’m doing it” he must have been flipping excited and decided to look at himself better and high five himself but instead his eyes caught the situation around him. I hope that is a clear picture. Every time we look up to anything or anyone one things seem harder and more impossible. Could that be the reason you started whatever is it you are doing right now and it seemed all good until now, you’re not even sure if God actually asked you to do it, God could have actually asked you to do it, today look at your life and evaluate it, what are you trusting or looking up to other than Jesus, and go back to him, the author and finisher of our faith.

Xoxo Busayo

GONE WITH THE WIND

It had been a beautiful weekend Irene had a nice time with her sister and her kids in Abuja, her sister had been beyond happy to have her around, and the kids were beyond excited, her sister pleaded with her to stay and extra day an extra day meant she’ll have to miss work on Monday, she had already missed Friday Monday would be just too extreme so as much as the offer to stay in Abuja away from the business of Lagos seemed attractive she had to go. On getting to the Airport she discovered the only plane left for Abuja had been fully booked, anyway after plenty explanation, begging and persuasion this guy finally help her get a ticket and a seat, she’ll be forever grateful to him.

*************************************************************************************

Grandpa is 80 today, there’s going to be a surprise party for him this evening, I really do not feel up to a journey, but mom really wants us to be there, the whole family is going to be there, I had suggested we left on Saturday but mom just had to attend church. My sister are the slowest pair and when they are together aint nothing more disastrous in the end I had to help them with their packing, we got to the airport really late so we missed our flights but thanks to a friend of dad at the airport we got tickets for another plane. Long story cut short we’re going to be at grandpa’s.

***********************************************************************************

I’ve got the post ume tomorrow, I don’t know why mom didn’t choose a later date, it’s not like I’m even going to the school, its every parent’s choice, discipline, academic excellence and all the rest. It’s a dream come true I’m finally going to be out of secondary school, I’ll miss my friends very much, I can’t wait for grads and prom, we have so many plans, dad would have come with us but he’s busy. I miss him already. Mom is already yelling at me to come down lemme go before we miss our flight and mom would finally finish me, she’s been complaining about me being too slow. Plenty teenage problems.

*********************************************************************************

Dannie’s heart has be kinda getting worse, she fainted again last week, we’ve been referred to US to see a specialist they say she might need a peacemaker, we’ll leave for Lagos today and make our trip to the US tomorrow morning. Dannie is so precious we can’t afford to lose her, we miss her singing and chest dancing to morrire, her food dance and her feet dance. We’re at the airport now, we hope for a hitch free flight, if things go as planned we’ll be back in no time with a healthy Dannie.

*********************************************************************************

Mass today was great, father talked today about how good God was and how things would not always be bad and how they’ll get better. I really pray for that betterment o, I can’t wait to leave this house and get a decent place for my family I’m tired of hearing mama tuned pound yam on top my head every evening, plus the house is even too small for us. Mama chichi has gone out to plait hair for some children in ikeja, we need to make ends meet. There is no light and everyone is hungry already I sent Ebuka to buy bread so we’ll eat the left over beans from last night, its been 15 minutes and Ebuka is not yet back, I’m sure he has seen some boys playing football and has Joined them, I’ve warned that boy severally but he doesn’t listen, I’ll send chi chi to look for him and buy the bread and come home with him, I’ll flog him today. Five minutes after chi chi leaves I hear a loud sound it sounds just like an airplane, before I reach the window to check what it is the sound is even louder, I look out to see I cant see it then I hear shouting, people shouting, before I can think there is a loud thud, there is pain, pain gives way to darkness, then gradually darkness gives way to light, there is peace and silence forever.

*************************************************************************************

Service today was the bomb, I have fellowship to attend but my head is aching, so I’ll just stay home and rest, for Monday’s work, this heat sef and nepa is not making things any better. I hope they bring the light soon o, I need to iron my clothes for work tomorrow, I don’t have appetite for food, I think it’s because last night Kinsley and I had another fight I don’t know why we’ve been fighting this much of late. While I’m thinking I drift off to sleep, in my dream I see Kinsley he proposes to me as soon as he slips the ring onto my finger the pain comes, it sharp and there is noise a deafening noise and pain, I try to wake up but the pain is too much on me I try to move but I can’t, its hurts too much but before I can tell, the noise and pain cease its silence and peace. I leave my Sunday afternoon to the forever kind of sleep.

************************************************************************************

These people are our friends, family lonved ones, pastors e.t.c, we love them, we miss them  and we hope with all our hearts that they are with Jesus today because heaven is so much better.

   I speak of none else other than our friends and families we lost on 3^rd June to the Dana plane crash. Only yesterday they wer with us and in one fell swoop all was undone and today there is no more them. My thought and prayers are with families and individuals who are hurting this very moment, may the great comforter grant you comfort through this period. To my friend Zuggy who we lost you’re missed and loved (sorry if you were not told often when you were with us) we sure do hope you are happy.

   Dear people hold on to HOPE (HOLD ON PAIN ENDS), love and embrace all, let those we love know we do, embrace your dreams and be open to try, live the right because our mortal journey is over all too soon. Embrace the creator, we’ll bow in the end only depends on wher we do it, lets do it while we have life. WALA, RIP Zuggy, #KIAforever, RIP #DANA153. Your memories live on.

 

WHEN GOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

I still miss my papa so much, he was the best friend I ever had, he made some of the nicest  cookies for me on the weekends, I remember how he used to take my brothers and I for walks in the evenings, he’ll tell us stories and teach us songs about heaven and Jesus and how much he loved us. Papa was a pastor in the church and very much the pastor at home, he was busy most of the time, but when he was home there was nothing better.

   I’ll never forget the day he returned from work with the devastating medical report, I really didn’t know what was wrong, but I sensed all was unwell as we sat at the table, papa seemed more enthusiastic than I had ever seen him, he wanted to sing, play and even had everyone of us take a bite of his chicken, he reminded us of how much he loved each of us and how blessed he felt having us in his life. After dinner papa called us together for the family devotion after we read the bible and all papa broke the news to us, he had been diagnosed with a severe health condition which left him few months to live, I was hurt I couldn’t say anything, but the tears said it all, papa couldn’t go yet, who was going to call me Ejura the way he did? Who was going to sing to me with a funny voice? Who was going to walk down the aisle with me on my wedding day? Plenty questions were running through my head so much I didn’t even hear anything he said, when the prayer was over I sat there next to papa with tears in my eyes and asked papa why God allowed him to be ill, and why he would allow him die, papa too me in his arms and said “Ejura we wouldn’t always understand it all, but weather we do or not always believe that God is always in control and he only wants the best for us, and he loves us, but occasionally other things may happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loves us” he told me not to be mad at God because he is and would always be king.

    Within three months papas condition got worse, he started having trouble remembering stuff, the worse was he couldn’t even remember who we were I was hurt when I had to introduce myself to papa and even tell him I was his daughter, mom was broken when she had to keep reminding him she was his wife, I saw hurt in papas face each time we introduced ourselves , my brothers were worse, I’d never seen them sad before but when they had to introduce themselves to papa, they had tears in their eyes. A few weeks later papas tears gland dried up his eyes were dry and irritated.

On the day papa died, mom, my brothers and myself rallied around his bed mom, I and one of my brothers sang the hymn “HOW GREAT THOU ART” while my second brother played the guitar as we sang I had my eyes closed I saw images of papa when I was younger, how he’ll play with me, how I’ll cry at night when papa travelled and he’ll call mom and speak to me up until I slept, I was hurt, there were tears in my eyes, I opened my eyes and there it was the miracle, papa had tears in his eyes, he couldn’t cry because his glands were dry, but as his final hours drew near he had tears in his eyes, then suddenly he opened his eyes, his expression held some form of recognition he confirmed it as he said my mom’s name and gave her his ever amazing smile, he turned to me and said my name in his ever prolific way, he called my brothers as well, he told us he loved us so much and would have loved to stay with us but heaven was much more better, he told us he longed for the day we would all be together again for the most exciting long lasting reunion of all, but until then he was glad he’d gotten the chance to share life with us, and that he would forever love us, everyone had tears in their eyes when he was done none could say a word we all hugged him, when we were done hugging him I had gained a little composure, I told him I loved him and how much he meant to me and how I was going the spend the rest of my life loving and holding on to the God he so held on to, so somehow in the end we’ll be together forever. Papa hugged me again and asked my brother to play the tune of the song “GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS” while we sang the hymn papas eyes kept on shutting and opening like on who was fighting sleep, only this time he wasn’t fight sleep he was fighting death, while we sang the last verse of the hymn I saw papa finally give in, with a big smile on his face papa laid still, forever still.

   I’m not sure God made sense to me in those weeks of papas illness but as the end drew nearer a few things began to make sense to me, and I those final hours with papa, God did make sense, papas life was only a reflection of heaven here on earth, and if nothing else I should be thankful God allowed me to share in his life, even if only briefly. I still miss him, I love him and sometimes I have questions. I know I have a father who is Christ, I know God is in control, I know God is king, I know even if and in the moment I see no sense God would always make all the sense, and if nothing else, I have that to hold on to.

Xoxo Busayo

NOTE:

Trust you have been blessed by this story, for a while and as long as I can I’d be dropping stories of when God doesn’t seem to make sense. I’m sure a whole lot of people would be blessed and encouraged by all of these stories.

Plus this is a purely fictional story and resemblance or similarities in names to anyone is purely coincidental.

BTW if you'll like to share your story on here you can contact me busayokehinde81@gmail.com or busayokehinde32@yahoo.com