ME AND MY MOUTH Ever been in a place and people are talking about an issue (possibly something unpleasant you are struggling or suffering from) and someone makes a statement like “ME! GOD FORBID I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH”. Okay now I have a feeling most people don’t get me. So how about I give some practical instances. On one occasion I was in a room with two girls and they were discussing about the kind of partners the wanted and after a while on said “he has to be healthy o! I can’t marry an AS or an asthmatic patient o, before he’ll die in my hands or I’ll now give birth to a sickle cell” now I’m both an asthmatic patient and I’ve got AS as my genotype. It might not have been their intention to offend me however they did. Now that happened about a year ago but occasionally it comes to mind and it hurts me, it annoys me and sometime it even scares me-the thought that someone might love me but not be able to go far with me because I’m asthmatic or an AS scares me out of almost every relationship. Another time I was in a Christian gathering( not a church tho ) and while we were there our talk kind of got around some issues and they got to something I was struggling with at the time and while they were talking someone made a mean remark about those who have such struggles and that dropped my spirit big time another time I thought I’d tell someone this Christian girl around us made a face showing disgust (now maybe she didn’t make the face because of me) but because someone had made a remark earlier I felt it was because of me so I didn’t say anything again. I decided to give these two examples to portray how what we say affects others around us. As I write this I realize how many times I’ve said things to hurt others without even knowing, I just say things because It’s what I think, for instance I don’t see how possible it is for somebody to have a gp of below 3.5, but people have it and it’s not because they don’t work hard we’re just different and we all have our different struggles and our struggle is unique to each individual once I said “I’m responsible for what I say and not what you understand” however now I know better. Next time we want to talk let’s consider the fact that everybody has their own struggle hence the need to be mindful of what we say as we have no idea what the people we’re talking with are struggling.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE Once in a while i do the wrong stuff, i fear human beings, i don't trust God enough, i don't even think i love God enough, i'm timid even when God tells me what to do, i sin because i like the easy way out and to that i simply say"well i'm human", i can only imagine how God feels, is he mad? Does he still love me? Can he have mercy on me this time around? What does he think of me? How does he see me now? Does he regret dying for me? Overtime after asking myself these questions i realised one thing“God does not regret saving me. There is no sin which you commit which is beyond the cross of Christ.” After i got to know this i quit questioning God, i now boast in my weakness NOT IN MY SIN, because where i'm inadequate i know my God is more than enough. Now whenever i try sinning i can only imagine how much love would make a person give his life for me and if nothing else it stops me form sinning.

SICK ON A SUNDAY: MY WORSE TEMPTATION

SICK ON A SUNDAY: MY GREATEST STRUGGLE EVER

So the post for Saturday came really late, in fact I posted it early hours of today at 12:32am to be precise which should not have been. I already had another post ready for yesterday but that one came and I felt it was more pressing so I decided to do it, I had to go out at 12:32 this morning to seek network to post the write up and as I did that God told me something which I’ll share one of these days.

       Today’s write up is actually more of a continuation of yesterdays own with a few more adjustments. Enjoy!

    Its Sunday morning and I wake up with severe headaches I really should go to church but the headache is so strong I can literarily feel my head pounding, mum comes upstairs to call me, but on sighting me she also thinks I need to rest so she suggests I stay at home, I know what happens when I stay alone so I tell her I can manage I, she insists and shola my older sister offers to stay with me at home, so the rest of the family goes off. After assisting me to have my bath and breakfast shola tells me she wants to go and see her friends (friends I hate anyway) and off she goes with a promise to be back home before our parents return, and I go back to bed after a while I wake up and the real headache is gone, all that is left is the other type of headache, the one I had last night I ask God to take it away it doesn’t go, I decide to leave my room as I get to the  bottom of the stairs my eye meets something familiar I walk over and pick it up, its dads bottle of red wine, he never leaves it lying around why is it here? Then that voice tells me to take it that its all I need I recognize the voice it’s the one I hear every time I fall, I know where all tis is leading I’ve been down this road severally however I listen to the voice anyway because it the easy way out of all its torment so I open the bottle and begin gulping and as I begin to calm down the guilt and shame come over me and I sit on the floor there wondering why did I decide to fall ill on a Sunday? Why? And as I sit on the floor there covered in guilt shola walks in and says HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?

       OR MAYBE FOR YOU

                  Its Sunday morning and I wake up feeling really feverish, I really should go to church but my head aches so much that I can literarily feel my head pounding, mum comes upstairs to call me, but on sighting me she also thinks I need to rest so she suggests I stay at home, I know what happens when I stay alone so I tell her I can manage she however insists so I oblige, a few hours after they leave when I can manage to stand I have a warm shower and a few minutes later my fever breaks and I feel a lot better, there is no light so there is really nothing to do so I decide to surf the net maybe face book, or twitter or I could even listen to a sermon online I tell myself so I pick up my laptop and begin to browse I check face book first no one I’d love to chat with is online, I move to twitter its all the same regular tweet so I move on to YouTube I really don’t know which preacher I’d even love to listen but I’ll check anyway, as the homepage open I see a blurry video it’s a 3 minutes clip I know what it contains all too well but I act to myself like I don’t know and open it, there is really nothing in the video but it arouses me again since there is a link to see the full video, I follow the link, the link is however a website I know too much and I know what it contains, but I force my mind to act like it doesn’t and open the link and as I watch the full video my heart keeps beating in that rhythm of guilt but I don’t stop because my desire is not yet satisfied and when I hit my peek 5 minutes into the video the guilt come and I quickly hit that big re X on the right hand side of the screen I shut down my system and sit there and ask myself the very same question why did I decide to be sick on a Sunday?

   OR PHERAPS

         Its Sunday morning and I wake up feeling all cold and I feel like I,d break if I leave my bed so I decided to miss church for that day while all my roommate go to church I begin to shiver I think I need somebody to be with me in case I need to be take to the hospital so I call the only person I’m sure wouldn’t be in church and wouldn’t mind coming- my boyfriend, I call him and he agrees to come, while there he says he thinks its stress and offers to massage my body I know what we always do whenever he makes that offer and I’ve told God I wasn’t going to do it again, that’s why I barely spend time with him but today I need him around me for my own good I think so I let him massage and from then we do it again and as he starts to dress and leave as my roommates would soon return I sit and ask myself why did I choose to have a cold on a Sunday of all days? And then the guilt and shame comes I’ve denied the lover of my soul again for a one night stand with an oppressive overlord.

          I could give several more examples but this post I already getting too long, for a lot of people reading you possibly think it’s the fault of any one of these people however for people who have been in any of these situations you’ll understand better that most times when you get into such situations there are several ways out but we as humans are always looking for an easy way out and most times the easier way is the sinful way. I’m trusting that God would help every one of us see his own way out.

   And to those who have fallen into any of these or similar situations today or previously embrace his grace, and when next you have to skip out on God get things that would occupy you, read more of the word and it’ll help you through temptation no matter how strong, also decide not to catch up on sin and decide to catch up on God in your closet. May his grace see you through.

Xoxo honeydrops

        

   

FALLING ON A SATURDAY

FALLING ON A SATURDAY

   I spent the whole Saturday thinking of what to write on but as the day came to an end something came up its quite personal and something I can really relate to. Hopefully there is one or two of you that can relate to any of these situations. Enjoy

   Its Saturday night, I’ve had a really long and tiring day, meetings in the church, home cleaning, weekly shopping, cooking, youth group meeting, choir practice, name I’m so exhausted finally I get into my room and its time to get my dress ready for church, when the head ache comes, it’s not the normal type of headache it’s the one that comes whenever I’m overworked, tired or in need of a quick fix. I know what would fix it, the very thing that keeps getting me into trouble with everyone and even with God- the bottle. I know it’s wrong but for now it’s necessary I need it if I’m going to get anything done- and I need to get a lot of things done. So here is what I’d do I’ll take just a cup of vodka but I’ll dilute it  so its effect won’t be all that strong on me, I rummage through my trunk sure that somehow I’ve still got at least a bottle down there, I find it anyway and start to drink it, after the first cup I feel my nerves begin to relax when my eyes drift aimlessly around my room and catches my bible on my dresser and the guilt of what I had just done comes strongly and is about to choke me I pick up the bottle of vodka run to the bathroom and pour it away, I move back into my room throw myself on the bed and cover my head with my pillow, hoping I’ll wake up tomorrow and realize that it was all something from a horrible dream, that the mouth that is supposed to sing for Christ tomorrow didn’t just have a quick fix, a quick  minutes of weakness, but he truth hits me square even as I try to force sleep to come, I JUST DID IT AGAIN.

   Its Saturday night, I’ve had a really long and tiring day, meetings in the church, home cleaning, weekly shopping, cooking, youth group meeting, choir practice, name I’m so exhausted finally I get into my room and its time to get my dress ready for church, when the head ache comes, it’s not the normal type of headache it’s the one that comes whenever I’m overworked, tired or in need of a quick fix. I know what would fix it, the very thing that keeps getting me into trouble with everyone and even with God- PORNOGRAPHY, its just going to give me a quick orgasm without necessarily committing the grave sin of fornication, next to my bed is my laptop there is free wifi so I sieze the opportunity to quickly fix myself I sit on my bed and turn on my laptop thinking to myself “I shouldn’t be doing this and saying lord I’m sorry” but I do it anyway it’s a 9 minutes video but 5 minutes into the video I hit my peak and as I feel myself relax so does the guilt wash over me, I quickly click the ’X’ button on the top right side of the screen, shut down my laptop and run into the shower wishing I could somehow wash the whole thing out nothing happens in the shower, I run out and throw myself under my comforter, hoping that somehow I’ll wake up and it would turn out to e something from a horror nightmare, but no its not, the truth is I DID IT AGAIN.

    A lot of people can relate to similar circumstances might not be exactly either of the above scenarios but similar, I know the feeling of falling on a Saturday all too well to deny it exists at all, we all fall into sin once in a while but falling on a Saturday night is just so different it’s just so………………I’m really at a loss for words to explain the feeling I mean I’ve done wrong stuff every other day felt guilty and pleaded for mercy and felt okay but for Saturday it just different. But here is what I’ve realized i can choose to go to church the next day and lift up holy hands like nothing ever happened while guilt eats up at me, or i can choose to go in all brokenness to the one who can fix it all and let him fix me and cover me in his grace and give me strength to resist next time. The choice really is our but trust me the second option is better because ignoring it won’t make it go anyway.

   Have a fulfilled Sunday and just embrace his grace.

DEAR BOAZ: DON'T MOVE WITH THE FLOW

 It's Friday again, this time two weeks ago I’d have made plans to clear all my schedule for the weekend and go to my "boyfriend" Demola's house. Actually Demola was never really my boyfriend as he never asked me out o, however while I did all the chores of a girlfriend he never corrected me so we just kept on moving with the flow, However I was careful not to introduce him to anybody as my boyfriend, and every time his hungry friends came to his house and ate the food I had so painstakingly prepared and would keep calling me "our wife" I never stopped them from calling that neither did I accept it. Demola never said anything about our relationship or whatever it is we were doing neither did I ever ask.

Anyway we kept on moving with the flow until this Friday, Demola came to pick me as he always did on Fridays, I walked majestically to the passenger seat as I opened the door I saw a babe there I was shocked at first but my 1000^th sense told me she was his sister, or maybe a cousin or the daughter to one of his moms friend or something else, so with these thoughts I walked like a boss to the back and sat there like a boss, few minutes later Damola turned to me smiled and introduced me to the babe as his best friend who was more like a sister to him and introduced her to me as his fiancée, trust me 50 waves of shock hit me in succession, I had an instant brain riot but somehow in the midst of all these I managed a polite smile and a “nice to meet you” to the babe. Minutes later I told Demola I was going to be dropping off at the bus stop close to my mom’s as I had earlier planned to spend the weekend with my  mom and see him the next day, then his babe turned to me and said “Demola said you always spend the weekend with him, you can’t change that because of my presence” honestly I felt like slapping her in that moment but I politely smiled at her and said “no its not you I just haven’t seen my mum in a long time and she’s been calling to see me so I thought I could surprise her this weekend” as I finished my statement we got to the bus stop I came down immediately managed a quick polite goodbye and left. When they drove off I practically ran the rest of the way home, thankfully there was no one in when I got home so I ran to my bed room and threw myself on my bed and before I knew it I had tears on my cheeks and screamed “dear BOAZ where are you?

*in my diary*

Dear Boaz how long would it take you to come out of whatever hole you’re hiding? Where you created to frustrate my prayer life? You know I’ve prayed for you ever since I knew how to talk? How many more people would I slave for abi how many more times would I be friend zoned or sister zoned before you come out. To be honest I’m getting tired.

Hey people I hope you had a good week and I hope you enjoyed my story, I’d be writing on “DEAR BOAZ” for the next few Fridays hopefully God will use these to teach single people new things. Have a great God filled weekend.

Ps: it’s not a real story just a figment of my imagination. And to those still moving with the flow it’s about time you define whatever it is you’re doing and know where you actually stand

…..xoxo honeydrops………………………………………………………………………

PURITY Gracie couldn't wait to turn 18 eventhough there was nothing exceptional about being 18 in Nigeria except she was eligible to drive and vote according to African customs she was still under her parents, that was totally not how she planned her own life. First thing she intended to do when she turned 18 was to stop attending the church her parents attended all her life she'd never really understood why here family church didn't let them wear jewerly, perm their hair and even placed restrictions on what cloth not to wear, she never really understood the concept but kept to it any way because at least she still lived under her parent, she never really understood the whole Jesus concept but on the outside she was religiously dresses for heaven while on the inside she was a rebel waiting for a chance to be free, truth be told she was only in school because everyone else was in school what she really wanted to be was a stripper she had even began practising pole dancing and even reading pornographic articles and even watching them, if you had a conversation with her you'd not need a soothsayer to tell you the whole dressing thing was simply a show off it wasn't really who she was worse is she doesn't hid to do any of what she does, she obeys the church's instructions so her family has no need to worry but inside was the real gracie the stripper, the proud porn addict waiting to break free. Sometime ago i did an article on purity which segun a friend of mine posted on his blog as a guest post. However i just had to do another article on purity. I actually don't like to beat an issue severally but this is one of those issues i have to make an exception with. Honestly for years now a lot of us have focused on the wrong side regarding purity- the rules, i guess its high time we break free from these only skirt, 6 inches below the knees skirt, no make up, no jewerly no dating, group courtship,e.t.c and begin to focus on what really matters-the heart. Even the bible says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh, i personally like to interprete it as from the heart proceedes all our actions, meaning all we do shows the condition of our heart. So if our heart are pure we would naturally live a life of purity.

HAVE YOU REALLY MET HIM? "I don't think I ever really met Jesus until I stepped out of my church persona, and became just another desperate, broken man. That's when he really became real to me." - Nate Larkin As i type this post i feel my mind sliping to a place in time when i played church without even knowing who God was. Yes i made the altar call almost six years ago and i got baptised three years ago i still didn't get to know i just played the preacher's kid, and even when i had counselling i only complained about the preachers kid kind of problem, like i had issues with fasting, peer influence and a host of others, but honestly those were not my actual struggle, but mehn i played church very well, i became a pro in playing God games, if you met me you'll never think i had any issues or anything, you'll just see church in me. However when i decided to go to God in all my brokeness and worthlessness he fixed me totally. Its actually less than six months ago i really found and its been beautiful a whole lot more beautiful than all the six years i played church. And trulry i've realised nothing can satisfy our longing for christ except christ himself, not church, not good character nothing else but christ himself. A lot of other people are still playing church games. How about you just embrace your brokeness and let the almighty fix it all? A lot of us in the pews need to go to God in all brokeness because that is the point we can actually get 2 know him.

THE ESSENCE OF GRACE Its very common for a christian to tell a chronic sinner about grace and how much God loves them neither is it quite uncommon to hear christians pray and say "lord we thank you for your grace and mercies" its not uncommon to hear them quote "the steadfast love of the lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end" how ever when they fall into sin when they offend God they totall ignore the concept of Grace and are quick to quote "shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?" really it leaves me wondering we act like grace is for only those who have never heard about christ before? No grace it for every one of us God know there'll be times we'll be weak, there'll be times our flesh will pull us strongly and we'll yield because its usually the easy thing to do yes that's the point of grace yes the moment you fall is when his grace his most available for you if you'll just yield yourself to the pull of grace and let the master heal your brokenness. Until we all yield to him in our brokeness i'll keep wondering; Why are we so afraid of our brokenness? It's not like ignoring it will make it go away. It isn't some make-believe monster under our bed that we can outgrow in time. It is a very real cancer, an affliction, that plagues every human heart. We are broken people. That's the whole point of grace! How can we openly praise God for something we blatantly deny we need?

HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? A half empty drum of water is also a half full drum of water. But what you see it as depends on you. Do you see it as half full and are thankful its not empty or do you see it as half empty and be going around trying to fill it up? Imqgine your laptop's battery was about 50%, and you want to use it, and there is no light so you keep complaining about how you needed to charge your system and stuff in the end you don't use the system and have to put off what you wanted to do. You know you could have used it even at that and save your work or whatever it is you wanted 2 do and finished later or if you are fast in typing you could've even finished typing and saving it on a flash and printing it later. Like the illustration above a lot of us go through life seeing our lives as half empty instead of half full, we keep seeing all of the things we've not yet achieved never seeing what God has helped us achieve, never seeing all God has done for us only seeing those we've asked of him that have not yet come to pass, the way you see your life determines how thankful you can be and thanking God for his finger would provoke his hand, this is why we see some people with so little being very joyful and people with so much that we expect to be happy, go through life unhappy and hustling. Its all about how you see your life. Do you see your life as half empty of half full? Check yourself and how u've being seeing your life and make a choice to see it diffferently and positivley today.

WORSHIP FROM THE PAST

Do you have a past?

My answer is yes. I have a past an unpleasant one at that (maybe one day God would ask me 2 write about that). We all are different and we have totally different pasts, some people came to Christ really young and never get into trouble beyond stealing ten naira from mom's purse. But no that's not you, that's not your own story you were possibly a drug addict, prostitute, engaged in sexting, addicted to porn, an armed robber, you've had numerous abortions, name it you've done it all but somehow u found Christ and you're wondering what you're to do with your horrible past.

What do you do?

You worship him from it all, and you share his grace that saved you.

In the Old Testament there are different altars of remembrance set up as a testimony to what God had done 4 d nation of Israel, the altar was made as a monument to his grace, goodness and faithfulness.

Has he been good to you? Has he been merciful? Has he shown you grace?

 Think of all your past sins as big stones and use those stones to build an altar of worship to God. Don't ignore your past worship him from it. As you walk forward in life, you can always refer to that place, not as a time to regret or feel guilty and ashamed again, but as a time of celebration and worship. You can look back at that altar and how far you've come and say, "This far o God, you've led me".

GUILT VS SHAME

Guilt vs. Shame

I've never really compared these two words. I used to think they meant the same thing until yesterday i read about the two and i realized that although they kind of share features they are totally on opposite sides. What is guilt? What is shame? I'll take illustration from the bible Guilt is what peter felt when he betrayed Jesus and shame is what Judas Iscariot felt when he betrayed Jesus. Guilt is actually your friend, it keeps us in line with God, guilt is an awareness of wrongdoing, and guilt could birth two things it could bring forth shame or remorse (to feel sorry and apologize). Peter felt guilty for denying Jesus he became remorseful and pleaded for forgiveness which he found and even after Jesus was crucified he lived on doing the work of Jesus. While Judas felt guilty for betraying Jesus but instead of remorse he was overtaken by shame, the reason why he committed suicide. Guilt is the work of the conscience and the conscience is of God, though I can't categorically say guilt is of God I can say guilt keeps us in check with God. Shame is of the devil it’s a very oppressive feeling. Guilt is that small voice from your conscience that says "you shouldn't have said that" or "that was sinful you know" or "you didn't need to lie" or "you shouldn't wear or have worn that dress" or "go back to God" while shame is that high pitched voice that screams at you "you big sinner you can never be good enough" or "this is the height of it God can't forgive you this time"  it is the voice that gives you an account of how many times you've sinned and how God's mercy cannot abound for you at a certain point it’s the voice that tells you how you've fallen too far for grace. The sad thing however is a lot of us (myself inclusive) listen to the voice of shame more often than we would like to admit God has said he'll blot out your transgressions and our sins he'll no longer remember but even after we've confessed our sins and found forgiveness we still choose to live in shame of our past mistakes, if God as said then you can be sure he means it God is no man that he should lie. Personally up until yesterday i still used to go down the valley of shame and i'll call it guilt but now I realized that walking down that valley amounts to taking a stroll with the devil which makes one fall into sin again. So beginning from today i know my sins have been bloated out at Calvary I need not hold on to them again but walk in the victory of Calvary and no longer listen to the voice of shame but the voice of God and if i go wrong Guilt would come and when i restitute its over any voice after that is of shame and I would not listen to that voice no more.